


Position Of Trust

by under0



Series: Position Of Trust [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Development, Complete, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Mental Instability, Original Character(s), Possible Romance?, Slow Burn, Tension, Trust Issues, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-19
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2018-08-31 23:42:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 61,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8598445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/under0/pseuds/under0
Summary: Years passed since they last talked, and now they have a chance to become friends again. But, as they will soon find out, broken trust isn't easily fixed. Angst, slow-burn. Post ME3.





	1. The Great Gage

_'Good morning Ilium! It is 7 am, and you are listening to XFA radio, my name is Gage, and I am your host for today! So why don't we rekindle the fire on that bed sheets and prepare you for another day on this cold surface planet? Here is Make my blood boil by Opposite Twins!'_

Turian voice died off and was replaced by a fast beat song. Loud enough to make Liara groan, throwing blankets on the other side of the bed. She held her arm and with one swipe on her omni-tool the radio turned off. She yawned and rubbed her eyes. Lacing her fingers, she raised her arms above her head. Feeling the stretch in her ribcage and arms, wave of relaxation flow through her body as her muscles receive extra blood supply.

Thought of staying in bed for another hour crossed her mind, to just let her mind wander on its own will, without being shackled by everyday worries. But Liara knew better than to let her mind wander off. Weird twist and turns can thoughts have, most often ending in undesired places rather than ones of peace and tranquility. Finally getting out of bed, she headed towards the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea. Halfway down, she was greeted by the info drone.

"Good morning Doctor T'Soni! Would you like me to overview your schedule for today?"  
"No, thank you Glyph. Are there any news about the mercenary groups from last night's meeting?"  
Following Liara just slightly behind her, drone started to list any notifications it received since she went to sleep.  
"I am happy to report that there were no lethal consequences of the meeting between the members of the Down Sky and Hell Blades. Both groups left Illium a few hours ago. Would you wish to know the exact time of their departure?"

"That won't be necessary. Anything else I should know?" she asked somewhat reluctantly, hoping she could have her tea in peace and not answering messages or running to the office like many mornings. In the moments like those, she asked herself why didn't she accept the teaching position on Thessia.  
The drone flew over her and stopped just inches from her face making Liara slightly jump, almost spilling hot water on the floor. She didn't even have the time to scold the drone.  
"You still have unanswered messages. Would you like to deal with them now Doctor T'Soni?"  
"No," she said, now slightly annoyed. "But please remind me tonight. That is all Glyph. Thank you."

The drone flew away, and taking the hot tea, she headed towards the living room. She felt strangely tired this morning. It seems that months of staying awake until late night hours, only having a few hours of sleep has finally starting to take a toll on Liara. After taking a careful sip, she put the cup on the coffee table and lie down on the sofa, closing her eyes.  
For years she chased, not knowing what. After the war, she helped as much she could to rebuild the galaxy. The task being incredibly difficult given that all information and connections she had as a Shadow Broker were destroyed after activation of the Catalyst. But with time, most relays were repaired, cities rebuild and order restored. Species trusted each other more than ever, and it seemed like a new era has begun. A time of peace and happiness. A better universe for all. But it was naive to think it would last. Reapers may change many things, but the very nature of every living organism hadn't changed. Jealousy, ambition, hatred. Every negative aspect emerged after the euphoria of winning the war had vanished. There were many dead parents, children, destroyed homes and broken promises.

Liara sometimes felt disgusted at individuals not embracing the second chance others paid with blood, and instead see this as an opportunity to achieve their own, selfish goals. But that was their right, wasn't it? They were free. That's what she fought for. That everyone should have a chance.

And so she decided to return to Illium. To return to her profession as an Information Broker. It didn't take long for her to achieve a significant number of clients, once again earning her title as the best Information Broker in this part of the galaxy. Money that came with every new client was good, she could afford whatever she wants, and help those in need with donations, or some free information. She could even say she was happy, maybe lonely sometimes, but satisfied. Nothing could beat the excitement this job brings. There is an appeal to have such power, to which Liara wasn't resistant. But sometimes she wondered, if she remained the Shadow Broker, would she lose the hard ground beneath her feet? Would she become like her predecessor, killing anyone, doing anything for being the most powerful person in the galaxy? Would one day someone come to kill her, without her friends at her side to protect her? Would she turn into the thing she fought against?

Liara sighed. There is no use of thinking about it now. She sat up and took another sip of her tea. Turning on the television, she watched the morning news before getting ready for work.

* * *

It was nearly nine o'clock when she reached her office. Sitting behind her desk, she turned on her computer. With Glyph's help, she would quickly get through new e-mails and answer old ones. With a bit of luck, she would leave early today and have the evening to herself. Did she have a meeting today? Feron mention something but-  
A few quick knocks on the door pull Liara out of her thoughts.

''Yes?''  
Door slightly opened just to reveal a drell's head smiling at her.  
"Feron. How can I help you?"  
"Well good morning to you too! Have a moment?"  
Liara sighed, and with a slight nod of her head he entered and lay on the couch beside the window overlooking the park, putting his hands behind his head. If she had to guess he was in no hurry. Unlike her. She wanted to finish early today.  
''Good job last night,'' he finally spoke. ''Being in good graces with two biggest Illium mercenaries can only be good right?"  
Liara felt the sarcasm in his voice.  
"At least they will not try to kill each other. Not on Illium anyway. If any problem arises, we should deal with them. Easy or hard way."  
"The easy way being?''  
''We have some sensitive information on key members of both groups. That should keep them in line. If not, there is always a hard way.''  
''Hard way is not my way,'' Feron said somewhat offhandedly.  
Liara smiled at his comment, ''No, your way is to talk yourself in and out of trouble.''  
''What can I say? I am a man of many talents.''

Liara smiled at his statement. Despite how they started, with mutual distrust, they come a long way. Him getting captured by the Shadow Broker just to give her a chance to escape, and her, saving him. Any suspicion they may have between them was gone, and friendship grew each day. After the war she could safely say that he was her best friend, always helping, listening, making her laugh, or just being there for her. After some time, a friendship had a potential to become something more, but Liara couldn't risk losing another friend. He was understanding, disappointed maybe, but he knew her reason, and he never held it against her. And Feron being Feron he made it as never happened, just to make things easier for her. But, there were times when she noticed him looking her, sometimes what she could only describe as a look of sadness or even pity. She didn't have the strength to ask him about the  _pity look_. She could guess it alone.

"Of that, I am sure," and with a polite smile, she ended that line of conversation before it could reach the awkward zone.  
"There is something I wanted to ask you. Yesterday you mentioned some meeting with a potential client, but I don't have any scheduled for today. Did I miss something?" Feron sat up, and if Liara didn't know any better, she would say it was an act of discomfort.  
"There is a potential client, but we don't know when the meeting would exactly take place. He wasn't very specific about the time and place, just that it would be today, probably tonight."  
Liara raised an eyebrow on that, and after a moment of silence she asked, "And that doesn't sound strange to you?"  
"Well it does, but he claims to have some information that can be very interesting to you and profitable to him."  
"Oh, really? He seems very confident I would even consider a face to a face meeting. There are better ways to appoint a meeting and to look confident in the process. You can send one of our agents, and if it indeed shows worthwhile, I will consider meeting him."  
Feron cleared his throat, clearly looking nervous. Liara started to ask him what is going on but he cut her off.  
"The thing is, I think you should go to this meeting. I will have the best agents in proximity to you two, so you don't have to worry. And of course, I will be there, hiding in plain sight."

Liara rolled her eyes, "I am not scared for my safety Feron. I can look after myself you know." Words got out of her mouth more sharply than intended, and for a moment she regretted her tone.  
"Look, the meeting isn't happening, as I said you could send one of our agents and we will see. But I will not jump every time someone has valuable information. I have enough work to do as it is. Then there is our reputation of course. Information must come to us Feron, not another way around."  
The whole time Feron sat there, looking at the floor as if only half listening to her. Finally, he rubbed his palms together and looked at her.  
"And what if I asked you to do it? As a favor to me?"  
"A favor? Feron, is everything all right?"  
He smiled, "Everything is fine Liara, but I need you to do this for me. Just go to that meeting, no questions asked, and see what he has to say."  
"Or you could tell me what this is all about Feron, despite everything you ask a lot-"  
Feron cut her off before she could find another reason to not go to this meeting. Probably her ego stopping her from agreeing so quickly.  
"You don't trust me?"  
"I do Feron, it isn't about that, just-"  
He stood up with such speed that made Liara slightly jerk.  
"No," his voice firm. "I asked you a favor. You can do it or not. I will not beg you." And with that, he walked to the door. Holding the knob, he half turned to face her.  
"Just consider it Liara. It would mean a lot to me."

After he left, Liara remembered to close her mouth. She was shocked. He never acted like this, not to mention that Liara couldn't remember the last time he asked for something. Expect for all that dreadful unreleased Blasto episodes, but that doesn't count, because it was a birthday gift, which he wished for. And even then, instead of asking, he gave her not so discreet clues about his wish. Like leaving Blasto posters and articles on random places where she was sure to find them, talking about rumors he heard about scraped content, or sending her message about his plans for his birthday party, informing her of time and place with Blasto photo in attachment. Liara smiled at that memory and how he was acting indifferent when she gave him the disk, but she could see he couldn't wait to go home and binge watch all night. And day. He called in sick the next day, claiming he didn't feel so good, and that it must be from all the cigarette smoke from the party. Coughing between words, he explained to Liara how drells have a very sensitive respiratory system.

She now felt a little ashamed. After all, he did for her, how he made her happy with stupid little things like that, and there she was making a problem about some meeting. Bringing her omni-tool, she sent a message to Feron that she will do it. And maybe it would be over soon so she could have the evening free. After all, what's the worst that could happen?


	2. Electromagnetic Interference

"How much longer Feron? He is late. Very late."

There was anger in her tone and for a good reason. Not only is she waiting here for over an hour, but there is also no word when the mysterious client will arrive. She was on the verge to go home. This is getting ridiculous.

 _"Any moment now!"_  Feron's voice was a little bit too loud, and it made Liara wince.  
"This is the fifth time you told me that! If this client of yours doesn't show up in next ten minutes, I am calling this off," and with that, she tapped her earpiece ending the connection. She looked up at the terminal. The only ship arriving in the next ten minutes will be the one from Thessia. But Feron already told her that the client isn't coming with the regular ones. Even if he arrives with a private ship, the terminal will show. So there is no telling how long she would have to wait. With a sigh, she turned from the terminal and headed to the nearby park. It doesn't matter anymore. Ten minutes and she is gone. Reaching the bench, she sat down and closed her eyes.

Slowly, she raised her head so she could capture as much of the afternoon sun as she could. She decided to do a quick meditation to further relax before the meeting. Thought by thought, she cleared her mind and her breathing slowed. A soft breeze began to dance with the rays of the sun on the surface of her face. Turning off all the noise caused by the ever-present rush on the streets of Illium she nearly reached complete silence in her mind, but soft laughter in the distance broke it. Curiously, she opened her eyes and saw not far from where she was seated, a couple with children. They were not there when she arrived. The parents were sitting on the bench, leaning against each other, and in front of them, Liara assumed, their children. They ran for the ball, as in some competition who will first reach it. The winner did not celebrate but turned to face his brother, avoiding his attempts to steal the ball. This scene was very rare on Illium. Illium was not a place to raise children, but sometimes parents didn't have a choice. Innocent joy reached Liara, making her smile. For a moment, an image of someone flashed through her mind. A ping of sadness started to grow in her chest, but it stopped as her attention was directed to a voice in her ear.

 _"Hey Liara, guess what? He will be here any minute now!"  
_ Feron sounded weirdly excited, making Liara question once more his real motive for all this.  
"Oh, come on Feron! If you tell me one more time-"  
_"Just head to the entrance of docking bay F48. He would be there!"  
_ "F48? But that is the emergency dock. By the Goddess Feron, I am on the completely wrong side!"  
If her client was late, there is no reason for Liara to be on the same level of time management.  
"When will the ship dock?"  
_"Well, um, in one minute and thirty seconds if you want the precise time."  
_ "Just great Feron. And may I ask why is the ship landing at the emergency dock?" Liara asked as she maneuvered around people coming from the opposite direction.  
_"Something is wrong with ship's electronics, they can't have the readings right, so they are landing as a precaution."  
_ Liara groaned. He is getting deeper and deeper into his lie, "Just so you know Feron, favor or not, we will talk about this."  
_"I know,"_  and with that, he ended the conversation.

Liara just shook her head in disbelief. She can't even understand his light approach to this. Is he just messing with her? The more she thought about it, the more it seems like a possibility. Even if he was serious, which she seriously doubts, he didn't explain how the client would look like. She only knows that the client will approach her. She is going utterly blind into this.  
Liara was breathless when she finally arrived on the dock. She opened her omni-tool to look at the time. It took her about seven minutes to reach the other side. She quickly looked at the terminal above her. Muttering to herself she read the list of ships.

"Dock F40, F43... Ah there! F48, SSV Anzac, arrived six minutes ago, original route from Lusarn system, planet Tarith, to Earth... this can't be right."

She looked around. Human soldiers filled the docking bay, some of them looked annoyed; no doubt because they would have to wait for some time while most of them were already forming groups and leaving to the nearest bar. Few noticed her, one marine even winked at her, but other than that there was no indication that some of them are here for her. With a tap on her earpiece, she reconnected to Feron.

"Feron you got something wrong, this is an Alliance ship. Heading to Earth. So you better give me an explanation, or you can hide for the rest of the day."  
Feron cleared his throat,  _"Maybe he missed you. Try backtracking towards the exit-"  
_ "I arrived from that direction not a minute ago! If this is some kind of prank Feron, I swear... no. Never mind. I am leaving."  
_"No, no, no, no. Wait! Liara run towards the ship!"  
_ ''What?''  
_"Go! Before she leaves!"  
_ "She?"  
_"Just go!"_

Liara not believing she still listens to him hurried towards the ship, looking around herself. There were fewer and fewer people in the docks. Some salarian workers were heading towards the ship but again nothing unusual. Just when she opened her omni-tool to make a video call to Feron, she bumped into someone. On a typical day she would at least try to make a proper apology; but now she just muttered something and kept her focus on the omni-tool trying to dial Feron, while walking towards the ship. She could feel the eyes on her, but she didn't care. Why can't she reach him?  
She didn't make more than a few steps when she heard a voice behind her. A sound that hit her like cold air, freezing her in the spot. What should she do? The rational side of her told her to act as she didn't hear anything and just leave, but as the moments, long as an eternity, passed, some strange mixture of fear and hope filled her entire body, making her slightly shake in a result. The words stuck in her mind repeating themselves as the inner conflict in her continued,

"Chasing secrets T'Soni?"  
The earpiece slightly buzzed indicating a connection. It was Feron.  
_"Talk to her. You owe yourself that much."_  
Released from her frozen state, she finally turned around. The only thing that left her mouth was a weak word. A name to be more precise.  
"Shepard."  
"Liara."

They stood there. A couple of steps apart. Silence embraced the two of them as they look at each other, trying to see the differences that time often made. She wasn't sure how Shepard saw her, but Liara could tell that Shepard didn't change that much. Her black hair still reaching her neck, maybe slightly longer. Implants on her face are still visible. New scar above her upper lip. It would seem to Liara that eight years is not a long time for humans either. After standing there and looking at each other for something that seemed like minutes, Shepard broke eye contact and looked to her left as to make sure there were no one nearby. Or to turn her attention to anything else but the asari she approached. Not being able to stand the silence any longer, Liara blurted the first thing that came to her mind.

"I didn't know you were... what are you doing here?"  
It sounded like she scolded her. Liara used all her self-control not to slap herself across the face. But Shepard either didn't notice or didn't want to act on her harsh tone.  
"Really? You must be a lousy information broker then. Remind me not to take any of your services," Shepard said with a smile. Using humor to break awkward situations, at least that part of her didn't change.  
"How do you know I am an information broker?"  
"We have common friends Liara. We talk. Even if you and I don't. Or didn't. Until now that is."  
Shepard was uncomfortable, and it somehow made easier for Liara to ignore the hurtful remark. Avoiding Shepard's gaze, she hugged herself. Will they fight again?  
"So... what's up? How are you Liara?"  
Shepard's soft voice surprised Liara, and she looked at her again.  
"Fine. You?" Liara couldn't help herself. So many emotions are brewing inside her. This is so wrong. She mourned Shepard more than once and in more ways than it should be possible. Liara wasn't sure if she could stand another minute in her presence.  
"Been better, but can't complain," she cleared her throat, buying some time to think how to continue the conversation.  
"Listen, Liara," Shepard spoke again, somewhat carefully. "Our ship is down for some time, and you know, I thought about having something to drink. Want to join?"

Liara looked at her. This is the woman who hurt her so much. This is the woman who was once her best friend. A friend she was in the habit of losing again and again. She should reject the offer, wish her all the best and leave. Forget she saw her and continue with her life. That was the best thing she could do to herself. Liara wasn't sure if she was ready to inflict the same wounds, only to mend them before she could call herself somewhat normal again. But she won't. Because there is something about Shepard, something that Liara couldn't discover in all of those years she knows her. So she merely gave her answer.

* * *

The whole walk towards the bar was in silence. Liara wondered will they spend the entire time not saying anything, just throwing sideways glance at each other. Entering the bar, they headed towards one free table in the corner. At least they would have some privacy. They sat down, and each stared at the menu. After a couple of taps with their fingers, the drinks were on their way. They didn't have to wait long when the asari bartender brought coffee for Shepard and tea for Liara. Liara slightly tasted her tea and decided that it needs a little more sugar. Reaching for the little bags in the middle of the table her hand bumped into Shepards. They smiled at each other. That made Liara soften a bit, so she tried to start a conversation.

"So how are-"  
"You know I wondered-"  
Shepard's smile grew bigger,"We are not very good at this are we?"  
''No we are not,'' Liara responded as she stirred the sugar in her tea, retreating behind her walls. The idea that she could let Shepard so easily off the hook angered her beyond measure, and for some reason, she couldn't stand her growing smile. It irritated her. Shepard, seeing how Liara changed after that small exchange, put her hands under the table clutching them tightly. She felt like she was walking through a minefield, with every wrong word being the mine, just waiting to explode. Shepard wasn't sure how to handle this. Hell, Reapers are nothing compared to Liara. She will try to be honest.  
"This Liara... this isn't easy for me."  
"Good," still focusing on undissolved sugar in her teacup, her pride didn't allow her to make this easier for Shepard. And, if she had to admit, some part of her enjoyed this.  
"I probably deserved that."  
"You did."  
Shepard just made a few quick nods. She was on the verge to say that she thinks she deserves a lot worse.  
"Alright, Liara. What should I say now? So you could give me a chance to explain myself?"  
Liara stopped stirring her tea, putting the little spoon next to the teacup.  
"Nothing," she said, trying to sound indifferent, but failed as she nervously tapped on the spoon once or twice.  
"Fine. Do you want me to leave? Just say the word Liara, and I will never contact you again, and if similar encounter, like this one today," indicating with her hand between herself and Liara, "happen again, I will ignore you, and stay out of your way. But I need to hear it Liara. From you."

Liara was starting to get furious. How dare she? How dare she command her? Putting it all on her? She would probably use this later to tell their friends that it was her fault. That she is acting like a child. She turned her face away from Shepard, on the verge of tears. Angry tears of course, not the other, weak ones. She looked in the distance trying with all her might to ignore Shepard's gaze on her, but with each second she felt as Shepard is tearing her defenses down, getting closer to her core, where she would see all the emotions fighting inside her. And one of them, no matter how weak, slowly winning amongst the bigger ones. Oh, how she hated herself. Suddenly, the sound of the chair moving against the floor broke the feeling of Shepard's gaze. Liara turned to face the sudden change, only to see Shepard standing up, looking tired.

"So that is your answer. Silence. I guess I don't deserve much than that. And it is alright. If you feel like that. I just want you to know that I am sorry. For everything. Goodbye Liara."  
And with the final glance to Liara, she gave her a small smile and started to leave. She was well behind Liara when the trembled voice stopped her.  
"Please, don't go."

Shepard turned to Liara, and for a moment she thought she imagined the voice because Liara was still seated as she was when she left the table. With the not so confident steps, she approached the table and sat, still not facing Liara. Shepard gave herself a few moments, releasing the pressure in her chest with a heavy sigh and turned her head towards Liara. She almost got up to hug her and to keep holding her as long as she needed. Almost. Liara looked broken, still hugging herself, and Shepard could tell she is fighting tears. If it were another situation, another time, another happier reason for her tears, Shepard would notice how beautiful her eyes are when the tears make them look more bright, as if watching the stream in an ancient forest. It made Shepard feel so weak, and she hardly found the strength to apologize once again. For everything she did or did not. It doesn't matter as long it has a potential to make Liara happy.

"I am so sorry. Please forgive me."  
Finally, Liara spoke, her voice hoarse as if she was crying all night, "There is nothing to apologize for Shepard..."  
Shepard cut in, ''Of course there is, Liara.'' She better do this right, this may be her only chance.  
"Those were rough times for me Liara. But that is no excuse. I had no right to say what I said that day, practically blaming you for Edward's death. I was hurt, afraid and... damn it, I am not very good at this..." she made a nervous laugh and continued. ''You are probably tired of hearing this, but I am sorry. I am sorry for blaming you, and I am sorry that I expected you would forgive me so soon when I send you that message. You were my friend, and I took you for granted and I-''  
"Shepard," Liara stopped her by placing her hands atop of Shepard's as if protecting them.

"I won't lie. You hurt me very, very much," Shepard closed her eyes and lowered her head in shame, Liara words cutting her. Liara clasped Shepard's hands more tightly, returning her to her. She needs to hear this, and understand.  
"I needed time. And then some more. Years passed, and I thought if I don't see you again, it would be for the best. For both of us. But now, I'm not so sure. I also made a mistake."  
Shepard looked at her, "Mistake? It was my fault Liara. I acted like an asshole to you."  
"It was your fault. But mine as well. We both acted like children. So there is no need to apologize Shepard. I forgave you years ago, even if I wasn't aware of it. Until now," She smiled at Shepard and continued. ''I accept your apology Shepard, but you must accept mine also, for not being your friend when you needed one the most."

A single tear betrayed Liara, and it slid down her cheek. As she hold Shepard's hands, the thought of removing the only drop didn't cross her mind, but she could swear she felt Shepard's hand slightly move as if to release itself, but it was so faint and unsure of its purpose, that Liara wasn't sure if the movement was real or a figment of her imagination. Maybe the hand holding was getting uncomfortable for Shepard, after all, she was famous for keeping her personal space.  
Liara started to retreat her hands, not wanting to break boundaries. But Shepard returned the pressure on Liara's hands, and it made Liara warm inside. Would she get her friend back?

"I don't deserve a friend like you."  
"Maybe we don't deserve each other? But here we are, beating all odds."  
Shepard smiled at Liara's conclusion, "I like that."

Giving Liara's hands a final squeeze, Shepard removed her hands and, remembering her coffee, took a sip. Excitement prevented her from coming up with what to ask Liara next. Even though they forgive each other, the tension was still there between them. One wrong word and this could all go downhill.

"So... information broker huh?"

Liara nodded as she took a sip of her beverage, "Yes. You know me, always looking for danger and excitement."  
"That's because you had an excellent teacher," Shepard said with pride.  
Liara smiled. Her mind returning to Anderson's apartment on Citadel. Where they had a similar conversation. Liara was glad Shepard remembered that too. It was one of her fondest memory, how they talked about the importance of friendship, how Liara gave Shepard basic piano lessons, laughing and joking together at Shepard's bad key memory. As their fingers dance across the keyboard, there is no war, no death, no misery. Just them and music they created together. That afternoon, she remembered, she felt a strong feeling of dread. If she loses Shepard once again, how could she survive? And few years after that, she did. And she discovered she was stronger than she thought. But strength does not eliminate the pain of losing a friend.

"Too bad I can't say that about myself. Your piano playing is dreadful."  
Shepard laughed at that, "Oh really? Just so you know Doctor T'Soni, I practiced. You may be surprised."  
"That hand placement and fingering could hardly be improved."  
"I don't know, practice makes perfect," Shepard half smiled, turning her head away from Liara.  
The subtext of that made blood flow to Liara's cheeks. She hoped Shepard didn't notice, or she would die of embarrassment.  
"I wanted to ask, but I am not sure if it is alright..."  
"Shoot."  
"Your children... how are they? Given how we parted, I never had a chance to meet them. What I heard from Garrus and Tali, they are wonderful."  
Liara hoped she didn't ask the wrong question, or that Shepard didn't take it the wrong way, and interpret it as an attack.  
"Yeah. Well, I don't know how much you know so I will tell you the basics and you can ask if you have more questions. And don't be afraid to ask Liara. It is alright. Really."  
Liara wasn't so sure about that, but she nodded in understanding.  
"Where to start?" Shepard used a moment to collect her thoughts, then continued, "Their names are Addison and Michael. They are twins, so both are seven years old."  
"Twins?"  
"Oh yeah, it's a human thing. Not so sure about other species. You know. It is like, instead of one baby you have two. At the same time. They can be identical or fraternal. Different genders or the same." Shepard rubbed her neck, ''As you know, in my case, one is a boy, and another is a girl," she paused for a moment, before asking. "There is no such thing as twins in your species?''

''There are, but it is very rare and difficult for asari to conceive twins. As you know, we have a very different reproduction system and trying to conceive twins is very hard. If by some chance, the mother is successful in randomizing her genes for two embryos, there is a very high chance one fetus will be severely deformed. In a way, having twins as an asari isn't necessary. Given our long lifespan and multiple partners. What are the chances of humans having twins?"  
"I think I read that it is about 4 to 6 in 1000 births."  
"Somewhat rare too. Interesting."  
"I knew you would find it fascinating."  
"Can you tell me more about them?"

Liara could notice how Shepard loved talking about them. Her smile hardly left her face.  
"Although they are twins, personality wise you couldn't find more different siblings. Michael, for example, likes to read books, and watch cartoons. While Addison, is a real daredevil, always playing outside and trying new things. They are leaving next month to summer camp for a few weeks. Addison is excited about it, while Michael is somewhat reserved about the whole idea. But I think it would do good for him to try new things."  
"They sound wonderful. I would like to meet them."  
"I would like that too," she smiled. "But enough about me. How are you doing? Remembering to use some time for yourself now and then?"

Liara sighed. She would like to talk more about Shepard and how's she feeling. The last time they saw each other, Shepard was in pretty bad shape, even before Edward died. But perhaps it is not the right time for that conversation. It would seem that between Liara and Shepard rarely is the right time for anything.  
"You know how it is. Someone is always looking for information on Illium, from big corporations to ordinary people. It's not an eight-hour job. But, in the last few years, we reached a good reputation so if we want, we could take it slowly. But I don't know Shepard. I like this job, and keeps my mind from wandering."  
"Is something troubling you Liara?" Shepard asked, concern in her voice.  
"It just, sometimes, I think about the past, and decisions I made. Were they right?" She turned her eyes from Shepard as if trying to find answers in the distance. "Could have I done better?"  
"You can't know that. It is in the past. At the very least, you could learn from what you did wrong. And if you ask me, you did damn good job Liara. With everything."

And with that Liara saw more of the old Shepard, the one who saved her on Therum; diplomatic, kind and always ready to listen to her friends. But, after the destruction of the first Normandy, after her death, she changed. Liara will fight to the death to defend her decision to give Shepard's body to Cerberus. It was the right thing to do, even if her selfishness made her easier to decide. But because of it, Shepard was a shadow of her former self. Did part of her die? The good part?  
"Thank you, Shepard. You always know what to say."  
Shepard smiled at her. Maybe she could now ask her how she feels.  
"What about you Shepard? How are you doing?"

"Alright, I guess. I'm trying to spend any free time I have with the kids. The Alliance is very considerate with that. Normally, they would send me from one end of the galaxy to another, and Michael and Addison would have to travel with me. I don't want that kind of life for them. So, most of my work is on Earth. Being an instructor to special forces recruits. Traveling to other planets for some military exercise is an expectation." As she talked, she played with the empty sugar bags on the table. Tearing them into little pieces, making a pile.  
"Maybe I'll return to active service when the kids grow up. But for now, I'll do anything I could so they could have a happy childhood."  
"How do you manage? Being a single parent must be hard."  
"It is. There were many sleepless nights when they were just born. But I had help. Now, it is a little easier."  
Liara opened her mouth to start another series of apologies, but Shepard stopped her, "I think it is enough 'I am sorry' and regrets for one evening don't you T'Soni?"  
Liara wanted to make a joke, but Shepard's omni-tool glowed. A call.

"I am sorry Liara, I have to take this."  
Nodding in understanding, Liara watched as Shepard opened the display.  
"What is it, Lieutenant?"  
Liara caught a glimpse of the soldier on the screen, saluting.  
_"Captain Shepard ma'am! Sorry to interrupt, but the Anzac is ready to fly. Should I order the crew to the ship?"_  
"What was the problem?"  
_"It would seem nothing major ma'am. The electricians said it was probably a glitch. But they re-booted the whole system just to be sure."_  
"Alright, Davis, I want the crew to be in their positions in 15 minutes."  
_"Yes, ma'am!"_

And with that Shepard ended the call.

"I must go now. You know Liara, I am really happy that we talked."  
"Me too Shepard. I am just sorry you can't stay longer. Time flew by."  
They both stood up and headed towards the exit.  
"Well now that we settle our  _little_  disagreement, you can call me anytime. For whatever reason."  
Shepard closed the door of the bar behind them and turned to Liara, "Don't be a stranger this time."  
Liara smiled at her, thinking how to end this. Should she just say goodbye or hug her? Would Shepard mind? Deciding to listen to her heart she stepped forward and gave Shepard a quick hug. She could feel that she tensed for a moment, but return the gesture nonetheless.  
"I won't. But the same applies to you. Goodbye Shepard."  
"See ya, Liara."

As Shepard walked away towards the docking bay, Liara felt such lightness in her that she hasn't felt in years. She wouldn't say that she got her friend back, but it felt like they have given a second chance. Or the third one she wasn't sure. But it didn't matter because this time she will do anything not to lose Shepard again.

But one person may lose his life tonight.

A drell to be exact.

_Feron._

And with that, in some second-rate bar on Illium, where trust is something akin to a well-constructed lie, friendship was restored, and future looked brighter for those two individuals. Just to them, because most people would say there is no such thing as recovered trust, but for Liara and Shepard, it was enough. For the time being.


	3. Remember The First Rule

"Attention on deck!" a young lieutenant called, and all present crew members saluted as Shepard passed by.  
"As you were," Shepard dismissed them and approached the lieutenant, who was waiting for her in the middle of the bridge just by the galaxy map. He was tall and slender, eyes radiating seriousness that his almost baby-like face masked.  
"Everything in order lieutenant?" she asked as she straightened her uniform.  
"Yes, ma'am. Everyone is in position, waiting for further orders."  
"And the ship? Can we expect to reach Earth without further delay?"  
"The readings are now fully functional. It would seem that it was some glitch in the system."  
"Glitch huh? Weird."  
He nodded, "Our engineers made the double check after the Illium cleared us out."  
"Good. I don't like having Alliance ship in Illium tentacles. So are we good to go?"  
"Everything is in working order, but it would do good for her to get some downtime. She is commissioned for quite some time now."  
"Yeah. I'm sure the admiral will be generous with that," ending the bitter note, Shepard continued. "All right lieutenant, set the course for Earth, let's go home."

Shepard ordered and headed to her cabin, but the lieutenant stopped her midway.  
"Ma'am, there is one more thing."  
Shepard rolled her eyes before she turned around, trying to hide impatience brewing inside her, "Yes?"  
Davis cleared his throat before answering, "When we were in the bar, a couple of our marines almost got in the fight."  
Shepard asked, annoyed, "Who started it?"  
A slight muscle twitch just under his eye, gave away the answer before he opened his mouth.  
"It is hard to say, ma'am. We were all joking, you know, just old fashioned rivalry. But it ticked someone from the other group, and well, all hell broke loose. They started calling each other names, shoved each other. The other officer and I order them to stand down. After that, I took one group to the other bar."  
"Oh for fuck's sake, Davis," Shepard said as she pinched her nose bridge. More paperwork is something she is not looking forward to. "What is the situation now?"  
"Before you arrived, one marine bumped into another. I am not aware if it was intentional or not, but they exchanged a few insults. So I would say that this could only get worse."  
Shepard stand there for a few moments, thinking before she said, "Let them fight."  
"Ma'am?" young officer stuttered, not sure if he heard right.  
"Order the men to clear the cargo bay. Put some mats in the center and protective rope around it. Tell them to pick among themselves who will fight. Combatants divided by weight and rank. They can fight on Wednesday night. That is all."  
Shepard headed to her cabin but was once again stopped by Davis.  
"But ma'am, there is a strict rule about fighting on the ship! If someone finds out..."  
"Davis," Shepard said his name softly, but to Davis, it tasted like poison. "That was an order." She made it clear that there will be no more discussion about it, so Davis gulped and nodded. He had no intention to go against his superior officer orders. Especially when that officer is also a woman who single-handedly killed a Reaper.

* * *

Not a minute later, Shepard was inside her cabin. She has a lot to think about. But before the tiresome practice of chasing her thoughts, she has a more important thing to do. Taking her console from the table, she sat on the edge of her bed. To be sure, she checked the time before sending a call to Earth. She didn't have to wait for too long before one young face appeared before her. She instantly smiled.  
"Mom! You called! I was afraid you would forget!" the young girl turned her head away from the console to someone behind her, "Mike! Mike! Come here! Mom is on the line!"  
Shepard could hear quick footsteps before a boy joined his sister.  
"Hi, mom!"  
"Hey, guys! What's up?"  
"When will you be home?" Michael asked while trying to push his sister so he could have a better view.  
"In few days Mike, so no later than Saturday, maybe even on Friday night."  
"So you will be home for our final game?"  
"Of course I will! I promised, didn't I? Now, is everything alright down there? No broken windows like last time?"  
"No, but Addison shot aunt Lizzie with a water gun! Right in the face!"  
"Shut up, Michael!"  
Shepard tried hard not to laugh, but she has to put her parent face now.  
"Addison, what did I tell you about that? You know she doesn't like getting shot with a water gun." Bringing her face to the screen, she looked at her side as if making sure no one is there to hear her. Michael and Addison also come closer to the screen. It seemed like they were planning some grand conspiracy against Aunt Lizzie.  
"Was the water cold?"  
Both Mike and Addison giggled.  
"Just be good and listen to her. After I finish this assignment, I have some time off, so we will spend more time together before you leave for summer camp."  
Michael's face fell at that, apparently not being happy about spending a month away, in an unknown environment.  
"What is it, Mike?" Shepard asked noticing her son's change.  
"I don't want to go there, mom. I would rather be with you."  
"We talked about this Mike. You spend most of your time alone and inside the house." she let out a sigh. "Look, give it a try. If you don't like it, you will go home. Alright? And is not like you will be alone. Your sister is coming too."  
Addison groaned at that.  
"Addison be nice. You should help your brother find some friends. After all, you are the older one."  
Addison chest puffed up, feeling important, "Well, I can't help him if he always sulks around and doesn't want to play with us!"

Shepard is starting to get worried about her son's behavior. Even before school, Mike was more introverted than most children his age. Shepard hoped he would become more social while in school, but it only made things worse. The only friend he has is his sister, but that is not enough. After all, Addison sometimes wants to be alone with her friends, and not having a shy brother following her everywhere. Hopefully, sending him to summer camp would help him combat shyness, even if few tears would be shed. It would do good to him. Toughen him up.

"Listen, Mike, when I come home we will talk more about this. But you have nothing to be afraid of. You will make some friends, learn how to start a campfire, put up a tent... it will be fun. You'll see."  
Shepard offered a warm smile, but Mike just looked at his hands, saying nothing.  
"Alright guys, it is late, you should go to bed. I will call again tomorrow alright?"  
"Ok, mom! Love you!" Addison waved her hand, while Mike stayed silent, avoiding her gaze.  
"Bye Mike!" Shepard said, trying to get some reaction from him.  
He looked up and with low voice asked, "Mom, would you like to read a story to us?"  
"Yeah, mom!" Addison was pretty excited about the suggestion herself.  
Shepard felt warm inside her chest; the kind parents feel when children asked them to do something inside their realm of possible things. Even though this was a simple and ordinary request, it made Shepard feel like a superhero. Her children are everything to her.  
"Alright. Let's pick a story."

* * *

Sometime later, Shepard was done with the reports. And just in time too, as the tension in her neck started to get worse. Slightly massaging the back of her neck, she thought how it would be a good idea to find some exercises on the web, but she was too tired to do that. After reading the story to Mike and Addison, she wished them good night, and once more promised she would call tomorrow. Mike was also in a better mood after. Perhaps he imagined that he was a knight saving the princess from an evil dragon. It gave him a piece of courage he dreadfully needed, and maybe he could apply it in real life when battling his fears. Just instead of keeping some princess captive, the dragons he was facing were crushing his confidence and with that his self-worth. It reminded Shepard of herself when she was younger. But, unlike Mike, she didn't have trouble with lack of self-confidence. Lying every night in her bed, just before sleep, she imagined herself as a strong, unbeatable warrior. A hero. And just before she fell asleep, she saved the day, making everyone happy. But, little did young Shepard know, seldom do heroes wore shining armor and white capes. With every battle, her armor melt little by little into her skin, making her into some kind of living statue. A piece to be admired from time to time, just enough not to be forgotten.

Shepard shook her head, trying to ward off these thoughts out of her head. Getting up, she headed for the shower. She didn't realize how tired she was until she let the warm water slide down her body. As she washed, her fingers reached the left shoulder blade. She could feel the one part of the skin is harder than the rest. And just beneath the surface of the skin, another implant. Shepard didn't even want to know which parts of her are still hers, and which are added. This way, she could fool herself that she is still human, and not some kind of machine thinking it was Shepard. Even though, most would argue, if she could naturally conceive and have healthy children, she is human enough, but for her, that was just not enough. She was dead at one point of her existence until Cerberus rebuild her. Made a physically better version, stronger, faster. More, more, more.  
They even install biotic implant into her after exposing her for some time to element zero. Her powers were limited of course, as she naturally didn't have the potential for biotics, but she had to admit it turned the battle in her favor more than once. And it was fun to throw enemies off the cliff. But still, that was not her. She missed her original self, even if she wasn't sure anymore which version of Shepard is the real one. The one before her family died, the one before all of her squad was killed on Akuze before she was resurrected by Cerberus or after? The Shepard who fought the Reapers and almost died, the one who was happy having Edward beside her? Edward, a man who showed her how to feel real again. Is she real now?

She turned to cold water. Watching water run down her body, across the scars, some of them slightly glowing, she concluded that line of thoughts. Maybe it doesn't matter. She is who she is. Only, the word hero doesn't fit the description. At least not the kind of hero she imagined to become when she was a little girl. How goes the old saying? Be careful what you wish for? Given how her life turned out, Shepard learned that wishes are treacherous things.  
Stepping out of the shower, making herself dry and clothed, she tossed the damp towel in the corner of the room, not interested in putting it to dry. The day was exhausting for her. She sat on the edge of the bed, putting her face into her hands. Seeing Liara after all these years, made Shepard realize how much she missed her. And she wasn't even feeling like this right after meeting her. Only now, in the dead hour of the night, the real strength of the feeling came to Shepard. Making her only colder inside. In some weird way, she felt like nothing happened today. But she knows very well it did. She just could not put a finger what was it. They forgive each other, but their relationship was still dead. They promised to stay in touch, not ignoring each other again, but for Shepard, it felt as that promise was said just for the sake of politeness. Liara was always polite.

Did Liara even want to see her again? The way she acted today when Shepard confessed to her sins, at least ones concerning Liara, she could see that she was deeply affected. And when Liara placed her hands atop of hers, made that moment, even more, theirs, like they were the only people in the galaxy and that one tear running down Liara's cheek sealed the connection. Something about all that made Shepard unsure. But she remembered the dragon in the story she read to her kids and decided to slaughter one of her own. The one that she didn't know even exist until now. She lay down and cover herself with the blanket. Feeling somewhat confident she decided she should write a message to Liara. Not too soon, or Liara would think she was forcing something, or in the worst case, that she was desperate. A letter she would no doubt, delete and rewrite over and over again, in the process maybe hit a wall once or twice, but she would do it. And this time she would do it right. Because Liara deserves nothing less. And if Liara didn't want to have anything to do with her anymore, at least she would be right about the things she deserves.

But deep inside her, in the realm of things Shepard's conscious self is not ready to reach, was a hope that Liara has a very different view about things that Shepard should have in her life.

* * *

"I will kill you!"

"Now, now, Liara, calm down let's-" before Feron could finish, he had to duck down behind the table to avoid being hit by a flying projectile. He wasn't sure, what the object was, but he was smart enough to know that any object with that speed would injure him. For a moment he was jealous for not having any special biotic powers. If for nothing else than to make a shield to counter Liara's biotic-enchanted flying projectiles.  
"How dare you! How dare you put me in that position?"  
Feron raised his head just a little, but enough for Liara to send another pillow in his direction. He successfully avoided being hit. Again.  
"Do you even realize how wrong could this have ended? Do you even... ugh!" she clenched her fists at her sides, emitting even more blue glow around her. Feron thought how she looked peculiarly beautiful when she releases her biotic energy from her skin. But better not to think about that now.  
"Well, it didn't? All went well!"  
Liara response to his optimism was a book hitting a wall behind him. She was so furious she just wants to beat him until all her pinned up anxiety would drain out. Reaching for vase from across the room she didn't see Feron jumping over the desk and running straight into her, almost tackling her to the floor. He grabbed her hands and made her look at him,"Can you yell at me without trying to kill me at the same time?"  
Liara nodded, and Feron could feel her muscles relax. She looked a little calmer, so he released her. Not a moment later she slapped him so hard that his head turned. He looked at her, shocked, but she launched herself at him, hugging him tightly. He stood there still not sure what is going on anymore. Her soft voice pulled him out of his paralyzed state.  
"Thank you."  
"Ugh, you... you're welcome."  
He put his hands around her, and they stood there in silence for a few moments, letting her decide when to end the hug. If it was up to him, he could hold her forever in his arms. Knowing his chances for that, a pang of sadness filled his chest. He ignored it and tried to enjoy this rare moment between them. Finally, Liara broke the silence.

"I was so afraid today Feron," she admitted as she rested her head on his shoulder. Feron said nothing but carefully put his hand on the back of her neck, rubbing, ever so softly, small circles against her skin. She sighed at the touch and Feron could feel she relaxed even more.  
"Seeing her today, after all that time... I wasn't sure if I could stand being in front of her, not knowing what to do."  
"But it went well didn't?" Feron whispered in her ear, which made Liara break the hug.  
"Yes, it did," she offered him a smile and took his hand, leading him to the living room so they could talk. They sat on the sofa, next to each other, and still not releasing her grip, Liara again rested her head against him.  
"Would you like to tell me how it went?"  
Liara scoffed at him, "Like you don't know already."  
"Believe it or not, I don't. I left as soon you two headed towards that bar."  
She took some time before answering, "In short, we apologized to each other. I could see she was very sorry Feron. And that it was a great burden to her. But even so, I felt a bit of satisfaction as she tried to explain herself. Mature right?"  
"I am not sure if it was mature or not, as I am no expert on that subject..."  
'Hmph' left her throat, clearly indicating what she means about that.  
"But!" he continued, acting insulted. "I know it is rude and immature not to let someone finish his sentence. Now, where was I? Oh yes. Maybe it wasn't mature, but it was your right to feel that way. It shouldn't be used against you."  
Liara rubbed her forehead with her free hand, "It just Feron... I don't know what to do next."  
"Yeah, it feels like you didn't resolve all tensions between you."  
Liara suddenly felt a bit uncomfortable and sit up to see his face.  
"What do you mean?"  
"You don't feel completely at peace after meeting with Shepard, do you?"  
She shook her head in response, and Feron continued, "So it is perfectly reasonable to be confused. Did you talk about when you would see each other again?"  
"No, but we promised to stay in touch."  
"Will that be enough for you Liara?" he reached for her hand. "To send each other emails once or twice a year?"  
Liara turned her head away, "No. It won't."  
Feron cupped her chin and gently turned her face towards him, but she still avoided his eyes.  
"My advice for you is to wait for a few days. Then you will see. If she sends you a message or contacts you in any other way, then you are on good track to becoming friends again. If not, well, she doesn't deserve you."  
Liara smiled and looked at him, "That was what she said Feron. That she doesn't deserve a friend like me."

 _Damn right she doesn't,_  Feron thought. He was angry at Shepard for being such an asshole to Liara and then still expecting she would forgive her every time. Maybe that fight they had was what Liara needed. Even though she was the most respectable Information Broker in this part of the galaxy, she can still be naive when it comes to relationships. Especially when Shepard is in question. In all these years he knew both of them, he still couldn't understand what Liara sees in Shepard. But maybe this is his jealousy speaking.  
"Why did you do it Feron? Why did you make us meet?"  
_  
Because I care so much about you, that I would rather suffer in silence so that you can be happy. And I pray every day that I am not wrong about the person who could make you happier._

"As if it isn't obvious."  
Liara looked at him not knowing what is he alluding to. He shook his head in disbelief, being dramatic.  
"Because I have a heart of gold of course! I am the sole ray of hope in this dark galaxy."  
Liara laughed at that, "And a symbol of modesty."  
He just gave her a half smile and shrugged his shoulders. They looked at each other for a few seconds, before Liara broke the silence, "Feron, I must apologize for earlier. I hope I didn't hurt you. It was just, as I said, I am confused and tired. But I shouldn't take it on you. I am sorry."  
"It's alright. At least your aim is not as good as I thought. Lucky me."  
"Yes, because those pillows put you in mortal danger."  
"Sureee, we will just ignore all those other things, like books for example."  
"Well, it's not like it would do any damage to that thick head of yours," Liara teased as she made a few soft knocks on the side of his head.  
"Ha! You just keep telling yourself that. So you could sleep at night."  
Liara laughed, and Feron looked at the time, "It is late. I should be going."  
"Won't you stay for a drink? Or I can make some coffee or tea?"  
"No thank you Liara. It was a long day, and you should get some rest. Oh, and by the way, Glyph is in your office arranging emails and schedules. So you can take a day off tomorrow. He will come back in an hour or so."  
"I know. He told me where you were waiting for me. In my apartment. Genius."  
"Well, I guessed you wouldn't like to kill me in your apartment," tapping his head with a finger. "Strategic thinking."  
Liara smiled at him and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, "Thank you, Feron. You are a good friend."  
"Good night, Liara."

And with that, he turned and left. Liara had no clue what she was doing to him. And for Shepard's sake, he hoped she comes to her senses. Or he will kill her himself.

* * *

After Feron left, Liara decided to have a bath. She let the hot water run as she added a few drops of bath oil. The scent immediately entered her nostrils, putting a soothing effect on her entire body. She undressed, and carefully slide her body into the hot water. When she finally achieved the desired level of tolerance between her skin and water, she rested her head on the edge of the bathtub, letting the therapeutic steam take over her. No matter how stressful the day was, having a bath always helped calm her down and as a result, earning her a better night's sleep. She could only hope sleep won't elude her tonight. Even if she was happy she saw Shepard today, calling each other friends again will take a lot of time. Broken trust isn't easily fixed. Oh, and did Liara trusted Shepard. Trusting her in battle, trusting her when confiding in her, believing that Shepard would always make everything alright. And even though Liara had grown a lot as a person since she was a scared, insecure scientist on some remote dig site, she still couldn't help herself. More often than not, especially when she had her job as a Shadow Broker, she fantasized that Shepard would help her if she would ever be in need. She tried not to show that need, as Shepard was strained enough as it was, but that little fantasy kept her moving forward. Shepard; a cliff to hold onto on a stormy night. Shepard was a beacon of light for entire galaxy, but for Liara, that light was a little brighter.

But even the most durable rocks can break. Time and pressure are all that was needed. And Shepard had both. She never heard her complain to anyone. Never want to talk about it. After every stressful mission, she used to find a quiet corner on the Normandy and exercise. Liara watched her once after EDI expressed her concern that Shepard was for hours under massive physical strain. Focusing so hard on hitting the boxing bag, for good fifteen minutes Shepard didn't notice Liara standing behind her. And when she finally noticed her, a moment of dead silence was between them. Liara could swear that she even saw a flash of anger cross Shepard's face after realizing someone was watching her, but it was gone as soon she recognized the silhouette standing there. Liara didn't even have the time to open her mouth to say anything to her, anything at all, just to break the tension. But Shepard just lowered her hands and left Liara standing there alone, in the poorly lit corner of the cargo bay, looking at the little droplets of blood making their way from the surface of the boxing bag to the floor. They never spoke of it. As Liara imagined Shepard wished.

Liara sighed and let her body sink deeper into the calming water. Why was it, that the people who most need help, rarely ask for it? Did Shepard even need help? Or did Liara just imagined it, hoping for it, so she could silence her fantasies of rescuing Shepard, as a real friend would? Bringing Shepard closer to her?

The thought didn't leave her mind as she suddenly felt more and more tired, sinking deeper and deeper into her subconscious, until she was in the present no more.


	4. Matters Of The Past

_2185\. Illium_

"And when I find the Shadow Broker, I hit him with a biotic field so strong that what's left of his body will fit into a coffee cup.''  
Liara finished the sentence with her fist connecting with the surface of the table; the swift movement made Shepard wince. Seeing Liara's face disfigured by rage, Shepard leaned forward in her seat, coming closer to her, so she could give her feeling of understanding, make her more comfortable.  
"That anger can't be from what you've told me. What else happened between you and the Shadow Broker?''  
Anger disappeared from Liara's face, and she stood up, her back facing Shepard. She felt braver this way, not letting Shepard see her face. But she could see in the window's reflection Shepard's form, illuminated by the late afternoon light, waiting for her answer. To Liara, it felt like time stopped. But the peacefulness started to transform into anxiety.

_Now or never Liara. She deserves to know._

"Did Cerberus ever tell you how they recovered your body?''  
There was a slight pause Liara made, not sure if she would let Shepard answer, but she decided against it. Stalling this may result in Liara losing her nerve.  
"I gave it to them. I gave you to them, Shepard. Because they said they could rebuild you.''  
She turned to face Shepard. As far as Liara could tell, Shepard was calm. Maybe she should sit?  
"And to do that, I had to take it from the Shadow Broker, who was going to sell your corpse to the Collectors.''  
Shepard shook her head in confusion, trying to make sense of what Liara just said, "Why didn't you tell me about this before now?"  
"Because I screwed it up, Shepard. I barely escaped with my own life. And when I gave you to Cerberus, I told myself I was doing it for you, for a chance to bring you back. But I knew Cerberus would use you for their own business. And I let it happen. Because... I couldn't let you go. I'm sorry.''  
With that she closed her eyes, partly to prevent the tears from escaping her eyes, and to protect herself from Shepard's reaction. She didn't have to wait for long to hear it in Shepard's voice.  
"All this time, it wasn't your sources. You knowingly gave me to Cerberus. You did this to me!''  
Shepard was now standing, looming above Liara, making her feel small and weak. Shepard's glowing scars made things even worse. Liara couldn't tell if she imagined them to be more visible, or were they always this way? A marking of her decision on Shepard's face. Mustering up the strength inside her she stood up; she will not let fear cloud the choice she made. Showing her doubt now would only make things worse, and she would lose all respect Shepard have for her.  
"And if I hadn't, you would have been dead! It was them or the Collectors. I made the best choice I could! I'm sorry.''  
Shepard clenched her jaw, bones dancing below the surface of her skin. She tilted her head to one side and for a good few moments stared into the distance. Finally, she pushed herself from the table and made a few steps to the window on her right. Putting her arm on the cold glass, just above her head, she rested her forehead and closed her eyes.  
"And now you know. And you know why I have to destroy the Shadow Broker. For you and me.''  
Suddenly a laugh emerged from Shepard. Filled with bitterness, that made Liara feel like she was trapped, in some abandoned house, with a presence of something unknown, being there somewhere near, in every corner, every crack, just watching.  
"You and me,'' Shepard opened her eyes, and softly, with her fingertips, traced the reflection of her scars. Reaching the end of the bright red line, she stopped for a moment. And then she hit the glass with her fist as hard as she could. Again and again. After every hit, Shepard realized she couldn't even make the smallest crack, which made her only more furious, hitting still but with more force. Liara almost averted her eyes, but she didn't. This is her creation, and she will show it the respect it deserves.

Out of breath, Shepard stopped and turned to the exit, kicking a plant in the process. She was almost out, but she stopped right before the door. Clenching and unclenching fists at her side, she fought a battle inside her. With a weak voice, as if all energy was drained from her, she said, "Call me if you need more help.''  
And with that she left, leaving Liara to fall back in her chair, hugging herself so she could stop trembling.

* * *

_Earth, 2187._

"...and I am still trying to convince Javik to help me with the book, but he is ignoring me. Last time I called him, he dared to suggest that I should accept him as one true God and bow before him! And only then he would consider helping me. Can you believe that? The nerve of him! It's not even funny anymore. I can't finish the book without his help.''  
Liara sighed, and scoot a little closer to the head of the bed, just enough to reach out and tuck a strand of hair behind the ear of the patient.  
"You could help me. He respects you a lot," Liara paused and laughed as the image crossed her mind.  
"Can you imagine it? Him sitting on some throne hanar made for him, eating grapes and ordering around the poor things. Trolling them.. is that how you say it? You, humans, have some strange words. I still don't understand what trolls have to do with it. You will have to explain it to me.''  
Liara took the hand of the sleeping patient, looking carefully at it, running her thumb across the knuckles. Most of the skin is regenerated, save from the glowing presence of the implant running from the wrist to the elbow. A small price for having an arm again.  
"The doctors told me you are getting better with each day. They are not sure you could hear me, but there is no harm in trying, right? Or maybe I am getting on your nerves so much you will wake up just to tell me to shut up.''  
She looked at her face. Even with all the tubes going in and out of her body, she looked at peace. Maybe this is the most peaceful sleep she had in a very long time. For two years now, she was comatose. When they found her, she barely resembled a human being. Right arm hung on a string of flesh, armor melted into her skin, most Cerberus implants stopped working, some of them even exploded and torn nearby tissues like shrapnel from a grenade. The doctors didn't give her much chance, but when the Council, or what was left of it anyway, heard the status of the wounds, they had a long and heated discussion what should be done. Should they let Shepard die or invest the much-needed supplies to save her. Normandy found her way back too late. The decision was already made. They would keep her alive so she could boost morale and when she reaches full recovery, get back to the special forces. Not to mention how much an asset she would be to the Alliance. After all, she has done for them, is she still just a tool? If it were to Liara, she would let her rest, no matter how it would be hard for her. She can't imagine how hard will it be for Shepard when she wakes up. After seeing all the horrors of the war, after losing so many people she cared about, did she even have the will to live? Imagining Shepard broken and hopeless, made Liara shiver. There is something very frightening about seeing the most influential person you know, broken down. She clasped Shepard's hand with her own. But she would be lying if she would say that she wasn't happy to have her alive. If she could wake up, just so she could hear her voice again, to see the color of her eyes, how they shine when she is happy. She would even tolerate her teasing and stupid jokes, just to see her smile, that silly smirk on her face. She would do anything in her power to make her see that not only galaxy was worth fighting and dying for, but also to live for.

"Oh Goddess, how I miss you, Shepard,'' leaving her hand, she cupped her scarred cheek. "I know I don't have any right to ask you for anything... but you promised me. You promised me you would always be there for me. You said that's what friends do. They help each other. So I ask you, Shepard, to keep your promise, and I will never ask anything of you anymore. We need you, Shepard. I... I need you. Don't let go.''

Liara got the same answer she did for the last two years. Silence interrupted by the rhythm of Shepard's breathing and the beeping monitor beside the bed. Liara sighed, "That's alright. Whenever you are ready.''  
Liara squeezed Shepard's hand one last time and got up from the bed, reaching for her stuff on the chair. Giving Shepard's sleeping form one final glance, she left the room.  
Walking down the hallway, she saw Kaidan arriving from the opposite direction, carrying a bouquet of flowers. He noticed her and smiled.  
"Liara.''  
"Hello, Kaiden. Going to visit her?''  
"Yeah. Finally found some time. My work doesn't leave me much of it. How is she doing?''  
"The doctors say her vital signs are better, but they still can't tell how long before she wakes up. If she wakes up.''  
Kaiden reached for Liara, putting a hand on her shoulder, looking her in the eyes, "She will Liara. She is the strongest person in the galaxy. Or the most stubborn one. She just needs time.''  
Liara avoided his eyes, "I hope you are right.'' Not wanting to hear that exhausting optimism again, she changed the subject. "How are you Kaiden?"  
"Pretty good. Got a promotion. After that corruption I found in our ranks, they decided I would be a pretty good at that kind of job. My Spectre status will also come in handy, even though it's limited now. So, I was transferred to CID. Gotta go through training, but nothing too bad."  
"I am happy to hear that. You won't miss being on rotations?"  
"Nah. With this new job I am feeling purpose again, you know? To clean the Alliance of scumbags stealing rations and supplies from poor colonies? Far better than to spend months on a ship, hoping for action."  
Liara could see on his face how much it bothered him. Galaxy needs more soldiers like him.  
"If you are free, we could go out for dinner tonight. You know, to catch up. We didn't see each other, for what? A year?''  
"I would like that,'' she said. Spending some time with an old friend will be a welcome distraction.  
He smiled, "It's a date then." Kaidan opened his mouth to say something, but his eyes widened as he looked behind Liara. She followed his gaze only to see a nurse running from Shepard's room and grabbing her fellow nurse.

"Quickly! Call Doctor Capaldi!''  
_"Doctor Capaldi in room 505! Doctor Capaldi in room 505!''_

Kaidan ran towards the room, while Liara stood still. Everything around her slowed down. The sounds of running footsteps, excitement and yelling did not reach her ears. Turning her head towards the window, she could see the soft particles of dust suspended in the air, captured by the beam of the afternoon sun. She could feel as if she is floating with them, slightly descending with each second.

"She's awake! Commander Shepard is awake!'' a nurse yelled and all the hallway rushed to the door of the room 505. Cheering and celebrating, as if the war was now officially over.  
Those words made Liara assimilate with the curve of the present, and the muscles of her legs felt weak as if she ran for hours. With a final spasm they gave up, and Liara fell to the floor, her heart beating so hard her chest hurt.

Shepard kept her promise.

* * *

_Earth, 2191._

Liara was sitting at one of the tables, talking with Tali. This place is not to her liking, music was too loud, and there were too many people. But Liara could see they all had fun: dancing, drinking, laughing. And she was not immune to the pleasant atmosphere, so it was not that bad. And most of her friends are here, the wine is pretty good, even if it was human-made. It is not that bad at all.

"So I heard that yields from agriculture were excellent this year Tali. Maybe in a few years, the whole planet will be suitable for living.''  
"We are doing our best to restore the ecological system. But it is not easy. Thankfully, what the Geth did before the Catalyst, made a huge difference. We wouldn't be in this phase of restoration without them.''  
"I will try to find something out Tali. But, in the meantime, you can count on more locations of technology your people can salvage. It's not much, but I hope it would help.''  
Tali reached out for Liara's hand and gave a light squeeze, "Thank you, Liara. It means a lot to us."

Liara smiled at her, "Don't mention it. I only wish I could help more, but most of my information from the war is gone."  
''Do you ever think about starting again? As the Information Broker?"  
Liara took a sip of her drink before she answered, "I don't know Tali. I am happy now. Finally, I can use all my time to write more about the Protheans, their culture, technology..." she groaned and massaged her temple before continuing. "If only Javik would help me! He is just jesting around, telling me things I already know or ignoring me completely."

Tali laughed at her frustration.  
"That is his way of showing affection. Maybe you should put that in your book,  _Courting a prothean, an Asari's perspective_."  
"Very funny Tali."  
"What? C'mon Liara," Tali affectionately rubbed her arm. "I'm just joking. But on the other hand..."  
Liara rolled her eyes, apparently knowing what Tali would say.  
"You could use someone in your life. Even if that someone is a trollish prothean."  
"As I said, I am happy with my life. I have my work, my friends... what else do I need?"  
Tali looked at her for a moment before saying, "Feron?"  
Liara rolled her eyes, "Goddess no. He is too immature. And he is my friend."  
"And you are too serious. Opposites attract! And what does anything have to do with him being your friend? It just makes you a perfect match. Like Garrus and me."  
"You two are not that different," Liara took another sip of her drink. "I will find someone when I want to. For now, I am satisfied with my life." Feeling as Liara was getting agitated, Tali decided she will not force the conversation any further.  
"If you say so."

Liara turned her head from Tali, slightly angry. She looked at the dance floor, where numerous people were dancing. For a moment she was lost in thought when someone's hand appeared at the end of her peripheral vision.  
"Care for a dance m'lady?"  
It was Edward. Liara looked at her side where Tali was, but her seat was empty, she joined Garrus and Joker at the other table.  
"Let me guess,'' Liara smiled and crossed her arms, "you still can't persuade Shepard to dance?"  
"No matter how hard I try," he said with a smile, slightly extending his hand towards Liara, reminding her of his request. She took his hand, and they headed to the dance floor. The song already began, but they quickly slide into the rhythm of the music.  
"Do you enjoy the party?" Edward asked.  
"It is nice to see my friends again. As time goes by, it is like we see each other less and less."  
"Maybe we should organize more parties."  
His proposal made Liara laugh, "Maybe."  
She was feeling a little dizzy. Maybe she had a too much wine. But, as they danced across the floor, she ignored her dizziness and enjoyed herself more and more. When was the last time she danced with someone like this? They danced in such harmony that they drew attention from a few other dance partners. They were a beautiful sight.  
"You are a terrific dancer," Liara giggled, the wine taking its full effect on her.  
"Only thanks to my great dance partner."  
"Shepard doesn't know what she is missing."  
"On one special day, she will realize what she was missing all this time."

Liara looked at him, amused. No way Shepard would dance. Ever.  
"And when is that special day?"  
Liara teasing made him miss a step, and they almost fell. Catching her, he was close to her. If Liara could forget just for a moment-  
"The day I ask her to marry me."  
"What?"  
The music ended, and the entire dance floor clapped. Edward took Liara's hand leading her to their table. After they sat, Edward took a big gulp of beer.  
"This will sound weird, but I wanted to tell you first. I know how good friends you are with Katie. Look, I know we are not together for that long, but I feel complete with her. I never felt like this about anyone in my life."  
Liara stayed silent, looking at him as he talked, not knowing what to say. The conversation she had with Tali just minutes ago returned to her, her own words echoing in her mind.  
"I love her, and I want to spend my life with her. And I hope she wants the same."  
As he said that, Liara felt as he was mirroring her. Her wishes, that little damn hope which was so stubborn all these years, refusing to die. A chance to be happy herself, with that one person. Feeling pressure in her chest, she tried to calm down.  
_Later, later._  
"I well, I don't know what to say honestly," she took a large sip of her drink, trying to moisten her dry throat.  
"I know this is out of the blue, so to speak, but if not now then when? I consider you a good friend Liara, and I know you mean a lot to Katie. In a way, I want your blessing I guess."

Liara remained silent, still staring at him, so Edward, panicked that he will not get Liara's approval, started explaining his wish. Does anyone who is sure of himself, needs to explain desires of the heart?  
"I... I know that we don't know each other that long. I know that all Katie talks about is being on some ship, doing her job. I know that her career is her priority. I know all that. But, I also hope, that somewhere in her life there is a place for me," he made a forced laugh, hiding the sadness behind his words. "Hope is all I have Liara." He hung his head, awaiting Liara's answer, but he didn't know that Liara was not judging him at all. It was not Edward who was on trial. It was her.

The pressure from her chest traveled to her head, her eyes burning, a headache forming. She will have all the time in the galaxy for regrets, but now she must act like her mother thought her; with dignity and self-respect. It was expected of her; she was a daughter of a Matriarch.  
"I wish all the best for you two." How she managed to say that, without her voice breaking, was beyond Liara.  
Edward lifted his head. She never saw him smiling so much. Grasping her hand, he said, "Thank you, Liara. You have no idea what this means to me."  
She waited for a moment before withdrawing her hand from his before asking, "And when do you plan to propose? I hope you will not rush such delicate matter."  
"Ah! Now comes the fun part! You see I thought about making it a big surprise! I mean she won't see it coming anyway, but I want it to be special and-"

"What needs to be special?" Shepard drop in the chair, between the two of them. Liara felt as if she was going to throw up.  
"Sorry love. But this is between Doctor T'Soni and me. It's a private meeting."  
Shepard crossed her arms, looking from Liara to Edward, "Really? About what?"  
"It's a secret."  
"Secret?"  
"Yep."  
"And you can't tell me because..?"  
"Because it's a secret. So you can't know anything about it."  
"Really? You trust the biggest gossip in the galaxy," Shepard pointed towards Liara with her thumb, "but you don't trust me?"  
Liara almost got up and walked away. She is in no state to listen to Shepard's usual teasing. And now she was looking at her again, with that gaze of hers.  
"Sure, she looks all sweet and innocent, but below that is all fire, just waiting to erupt."  
_  
And it could erupt with a slap in your face._

"I am pretty sure I can trust her. It is you who I can't trust with this."  
"Wow, that hurts Edward. I think my little heart is breaking."  
Edward got closer and whispered, "Nothin' I can't fix."  
Shepard giggled as his breath tickled her ear.  
Liara got up. She will explode if she stays for another minute. The couple looked at her, and Shepard asked with concern in her voice, "Are you alright?"  
"Yes, I just need some fresh air."  
"You look pale. Do you want me to come with you?"  
"NO!" the word escaped her, a little louder than intended. She was losing self-control. She has to go away.  
Edward gave her a strange look, furrowing his brows, while Shepard stood up. She reached for her, but Liara made a step back avoiding her. Rejected, Shepard let her arm fall back to her side, "Are you sure?"  
"Yes. I will be fine," she hugged herself and left for the balcony, ignoring the looks she got. She was not far away when she heard Edward's voice, "Maybe she wasn't in the mood for teasing, love."

* * *

_Earth, 2192._

Liara stood there, watching as Garrus talked with Shepard on the balcony. Today was a terrible day for everyone, even more for Shepard. From the moment she heard what happened to Edward, through today's funeral, and now, late at night when almost everyone left, she didn't show any emotion. Nothing to indicate what she is really feeling. If she felt anything at all. It made Liara even more worried for Shepard because that was the identical behavior she had after she woke from the coma. And as a good Alliance Marine, she did her duty. She was there to encourage people, she signed pictures of herself, showing at various charity events before she was fit for active service again. She smiled, she inspired, and it was no doubt in Liara's mind that it helped the galaxy. It made people work harder and together, because if one human could face the Reapers and survive against all the odds, what should hold back others to do their part, no matter how small it was? But behind all those masks Shepard put, Liara felt there was no connection between Shepard's inner and outer self. Maybe she saw it emerging during the war, but Liara wasn't sure. Back then it was chaos for everyone. She wished to help Shepard, but no matter how hard she tried, they never talked how Shepard felt, and so Liara gave up, not wanting to nag Shepard with her worrying.

Liara came closer to the balcony to hear what they were talking. It was mostly Garrus who spoke. Shepard was holding onto the handrail, looking down at the busy street.  
"Tali and I wish to stay Shepard. To help you if you need anything, or if you need to talk with someone."  
"No."  
"Look, I know you are strong Shepard, but the death of the loved one-"  
"I said no, Vakarian," Shepard instantly regretted her tone. "I appreciate the thought, Garrus. But I need some time alone. I will be fine. Return to Rannoch."  
Garrus, not knowing what to say anymore, put his hand on Shepard's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "Don't hesitate to call. For whatever reason."

Seeing that Shepard won't say anything, Garrus turned and left her to her thoughts. He was never good at this. Why did Tali force him to talk to her? He felt as if he dealt more damage than good. When he saw Liara, standing in the shadows of the hallway, he somewhat looked as if a burden was lifted from him.  
"How is she?"  
"As you could expect. She doesn't want to talk, but maybe she will listen to you Liara. You two were always close."  
"I am not sure I am the right person for this Garrus."  
"No one is. See you tomorrow Liara."

She remained in the dark hallway, watching Shepard while thinking what she could say. She heard Garrus and Tali talking about something downstairs and then leaving. She was now alone with her. As soon as she approached the balcony, Shepard turned her head to look at her.

"I thought you left. Who told you to come here? I bet it was Garrus. He never was good at this kind of thing. Can't say I blame him." Shepard took a big gulp of whatever alcohol she had with her. By the smell, it wasn't the weak kind.  
"Shepard, I'm worried about you," Liara admitted while looking at her. She could tell Shepard is under massive strain, her scars glowing bright red, dark circle under her eyes. How could she help her?  
"That's so sweet of you," Shepard raised her head to look at the night sky. "And let me guess, you want to talk."  
"I think it would do you good to talk to someone."  
"And I," she turned to Liara, "don't want to talk. So, go home, leave me alone."  
"I will not leave you alone," she grabbed the bottle from her hand, "and you had enough of this poison." She said the last word with disgust. She never liked alcoholics, and she didn't want Shepard to become one. In return, Shepard didn't like that, and she tried to take the bottle back, but she stumbled and almost fell if it wasn't for the handrail. Liara disapprovingly shook her head.  
"Shepard," she started slowly. "I only want what's best for you. You are my friend. I know you are hurt now and angry but-"  
"But what?" Shepard spat back. "And a true friend you are. Acting like one, but doing your best to ruin my life!" She straightened up with some difficulty before continuing with her ramble, "If it weren't for you, none of this would happen!"  
"Are you blaming me for what happened? What is wrong with you Shepard?" Liara was now angry, her frustrations starting to get out.  
"You brought me back to life! YOU gave me to Cerberus! YOU made me into a fucking machine!" With each accusation she made a step closer to Liara, forcing her to back off until her back touch the wall. She was trapped between a brick wall and Shepard. Liara was sure that going through the wall would be easier than going through Shepard.

"And if I didn't, you would be dead!"  
"At least I wouldn't have to deal with this shit!" She pointed to her scars. "And you dare to call yourself my friend? You betrayed me in the worst fucking way! All because you couldn't let me go." Shepard mocked her, and it hit Liara where she was the weakest. But she will not let her get her.  
"I never betrayed you," she said so quietly it was almost a whisper. "But you can't comprehend that with alcohol in your blood. We will talk when you get sober. Go get some sleep, Shepard." And with that, she started to leave but Shepard pushed her back, and she hit the wall. Pain throbbed through her back, a bruise already forming.  
"You were not dismissed T'Soni!" Liara was shocked. Shepard never was aggressive with her. What is happening?  
"You think I don't know? It's pathetic."  
Liara panicked. Did she know? Please, Goddess don't let her know.

"What is even more pathetic is your behavior! What, you think you are the only one who suffered? Who felt the pain of loss?"  
"And you think just because your mother died, that you can lecture me about loss and sacrifice? You know nothing! Nothing at all!"  
Liara closed the space even more between them, looking her straight into eyes, "I would if you told me!" Liara let out a bitter laugh. "But no! No one is ever good for the  _great_  Commander Shepard! Savior of the Galaxy, defeater of the dreaded Reapers is too above us all to let anyone in her life. And why? Because our hero is a coward! I am surprised Edward last long enough as it is, dealing with your-"

Liara didn't manage to finish her sentence. Shepard grabbed her by her jaw, making sure she makes a point Liara will never forget.

With her voice dead cold, she said, "Don't you speak his name ever again. Do you understand me? Ever!" She pushed herself even closer, "I don't want to see you ever again. You mean nothing to me Liara. You never did, and you never will. Get out." With that Shepard left her alone on the balcony. Liara, without Shepard's support, felt down to the cold tiles. With the stabbing pain in her back, she could still feel Shepard's fingers on her skin. The pain made it somewhat easier for her to get up and to not let her tears escape. She will not give her that satisfaction. Everything started to get blurry. Passing by one of the rooms, she saw Shepard sitting on the floor by the bed, staring at the wall. Her scars were brightly red. She answered nothing as Liara said, "I hope you drown in your poison."

She started to run as soon she was out of Shepard's apartment. Reaching the streets, she felt the cold rain on her face. Confused, as it was a bright night, she looked at the sky. Only to see droplets of rain frozen in their path. The sky was painted with the tint of orange color. It seemed like the sunset in the middle of the winter. Feeling cold she hugged herself and looked around. She was on some wreckage, a ship. Panicked, she started to call for help, but no one answered. At the other side of the wreck, someone was standing. It couldn't be... Shepard? Running towards her, she called, but Shepard didn't turn around. She was having difficulty breathing. Finally reaching Shepard, she grabbed her shoulder forcing her to turn. Her appearance shocked her; Shepard's armor was so deep into her skin, and she didn't know where armor end and skin begin. And her eyes... they were colorless. Her face scarred with glowing implants, half of it looked like the stone was growing below the surface of the skin, starting to penetrate her skin. She reached to touch it, but Shepard grabbed her by the neck and lift her into the air.

"Shepard let me go!" she barely said as she had little of air left in her lungs. With that Shepard throw her into the cold ocean, watching as Liara fight to stay on the surface.  
"Help me! Please..."

Shepard said nothing, just turned around and left her. Before Liara lost consciousness, she could see a ring of fire forming on Shepard's exposed shoulder. As the fire fade, the rot started to spread on the skin. And that was the last thing she saw before she felt water entering her nostrils.

Opening her eyes, she gasped for air, looking around her. She was in her bathroom. It was just a dream. The water was icy cold; she must have been asleep for some time. Grabbing her bathrobe, she headed towards the kitchen to make some tea, trembling all the way.

The nightmare will follow her for the rest of the night. She will not sleep tonight.


	5. Artificial Intelligence

Addison walked behind her mother and brother, with slumped shoulders and an angry expression on her face. It was the final game of the season, and they lost! All because that stupid James was stung by that stupid bee. And he, being a real crybaby, ran to his mom and dad, leaving his position. With one player out, the defense was scattered, and the Hawks scored. Stupid James. Addison now has two reasons to tease him in school. She didn't forget that one-time last winter when she had to spend in detention because of him. How could she know that the snowball will hit him straight in the face? It's not like she did it on purpose. But of course, he got the wrong idea and ran towards Ms. Solberg with tears in his eyes. That day she had to wait for an hour before mom came to school and talked to Ms. Solberg. Apparently, Ms. Solberg had other complaints about her behavior. Not just the unfortunate thing that happened to James that morning. She often used her mother's deeds as an excuse, or reason, to do things. They were mostly harmless pranks, like sending fake love letters or throwing a roll of toilet paper down the stairs. Of course, she sometimes lied, to get herself out of trouble, especially when she forgot to do her homework because mom had to fight a giant squid that threatened to take over the galaxy.

Well, after that day she couldn't use her mother as an excuse to do things. They had a long talk in the car. Mom explained that she can't use excuses all the time and that she has to take responsibility for her actions. Actually, mom didn't explain anything; she just said that one couldn't do whatever one wants. That there are rules for a reason. When Addison asked what that reason was, mom just sighed and told her that she would understand one day.

Addison didn't care what the teachers said, or other kids for that matter. But mom can be scary sometimes. She never yelled, but that one look was enough for Addison to get the message. Addison was too young to understand then, but a few years later she will realize it was never about fear, but about respect. She knows her mom is a big hero, and people often stopped her in the streets to talk to her. Maybe one day people will speak to her as they talked to her mom. Fat chance. She couldn't even score one goal!

They finally reached their car, and Addison just threw her bag near the trunk and jumped right in the car, not interested in helping her brother put their bags in.  
"Addison, go help your brother."  
"Why? He can do it himself! It's not like he did anything today. And he's done already."  
Michael got in the car, and put his headphones on, looking out the window, waiting for them to go home. Shepard gave Addison a disapproved look and started the car. Few minutes passed in silence, but not being able to stay silent, Shepard turned the autopilot on and looked at her kids. Mike seemed unaffected by the lost game today, so she turned her attention to her daughter.  
"You can't win every time. Where would be fun in that?"  
Addison crossed her arms and continued to ignore her.  
"It was a good game, Addison."  
"No, it wasn't! And we lost because nobody was looking where the ball was!"  
"It's not always about winning and being the best. Sometimes it's just about having some fun. I sign both of you to soccer team so you would have fun and meet new friends. You know Mike has a tough time making friends."  
"Well, it's not fun to lose. The other team was much happier."  
"So? Now you know how that other team felt when you won."  
"The last team we won against are the worst in the whole city. I wasn't happy then either."  
"It sure looked that way when you run around the field screaming."  
Addison said nothing, embarrassed at the memory.  
Shepard smiled at her daughter, "Look. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. It's life. You can't control everything. Come on, let's get some ice cream before dinner."

Shepard turned the autopilot off and took the wheel.

* * *

When they returned home, it was late afternoon. Shepard took the bags from the car, as Mike and Addison run inside. The only thing they were willing to help with is eating dinner. Shepard yelled from the behind of the car to remind them to wash their hands before eating, with hope in her heart that they heard her. Taking the bags from the trunk, Shepard felt something wet going down her leg. Looking down she saw a yellow stream of fluid dripping from the corner of the red bag. Holding the bag away from her, she yelled, "Addison! You didn't close the bottle again! Now the trunk is soaked with juice!"

Shepard opened the bag and reached for the bottle. There was not much of juice left, so she threw it in the trashcan by the driveway. Annoyed by the sticky feeling on her hands and legs she hurried to the house to get herself washed and changed. Entering the house, she could hear Mike and Addison in the kitchen, preparing the table. She left the bags, (and the sock she found on her way), in the washing room, and headed upstairs to get herself cleaned.  
After washing herself and changing to clean clothes, Shepard joined her kids in the kitchen. Sitting down, she reached for a slice of pizza, relishing in the warm and soft texture in her mouth.  
"Mom! Are we going to the park tomorrow?" Mike asked, somewhat with difficulty as he had his mouth full. Shepard didn't have the chance to answer, as Addison jumped in.  
"No! She said we are going to watch the new Indestructible movie!"  
"Well, I don't care! That movie is dumb, and I don't want to watch it!"  
"Nobody cares what you want Mike! You can stay home and play your video games!"  
Mike knew he is losing, so he turned to mom for help, with that recognizable tone that makes every parent slightly roll their eyes or close them in frustration. Shepard made the latter.  
"Mom!"  
"Guys stop. We will go to the park in the morning, and after that, we can watch that movie. You don't need to fight every time before we go anywhere. Jesus Christ."

Shepard stood up and took her plate to the sink. Looking out the window, the final rays of the afternoon sun warmed her face. She could sit on the porch and have some cold beer. She felt somewhat tense the entire day.  
"Mom, can we stay up late tonight? I want to show Mike I can play his games better than him."  
Not wanting to break the warmth sun was giving her Shepard just said, "10:30. Washed and in bed."

Addison groaned at that little extension of their allowed time, before going to bed, but she knew better than to argue. Meanwhile, Mike was happy with the idea. He will spend more time with his sister, doing things he liked, so he took his plate and put it in the sink, making Shepard move a little to the side. Mike hugged his mom around the middle where he could reach.  
"Thanks, mom. I love you."  
Shepard softened, and she embraced him back with one hand and placed a kiss on the top of his head.  
"Love you too, Mike."  
Addison, using the distraction wanted to leave without putting her plate away, but as soon as she thought she was safe, Shepard stopped her, "Addison…"

"Fine."  
She ran back to put her plate away. And as soon she put her plate in the sink, Shepard captured her in an embrace with her free hand, before she could escape. Placing a kiss on her head too, Shepard said, "Love you."  
"Love you too mom, but I'm not little anymore!" she released herself from the embrace and said to her brother. "Come on, Mike! Let's go."

They both run upstairs, racing who will first reach the gaming console. Shepard smiled at them, and returned to the table finishing what was left of the dinner, her appetite back again. After finishing she took the beer from the fridge and turned the TV on in the living room. Maybe something was interesting on the program. Changing the channels, she almost gave up as nothing looked good enough, but she returned the channel as something about asari was mentioned. She took a sip of her beer as the discussion was held. There was a human, salarian and an asari discussing between them while a moderator was standing there, making sure the debate stayed on track. Shepard tune in the right moment; the discussion was in a very heated phase.

 _"I will admit that our reproduction system is very different, unique than that of other species, but calling us parasites is plain rude and unfounded without any clear evidence or arguments!"_  
The human waved his papers above his head.  
_"Unfounded? Here are the testaments of several hundred victims, who claimed they were used by asari's brain melding, to get personal information from them. From credit card numbers to leading victims into emotional blackmail!"_  
_"Let me guess, Doctor Hendrickson, most of those 'victims' are human?"_  
_"Most of them, yes, but I don't see what that has to do anything with the subject!"_  
_"Oh, it has a lot to do with it, if we consider the fact that you are a very active member of a Pro-Human group, who by the way," the asari turned to the moderator to emphasize her point, "had been accused of working with Cerberus in the past! Some of the members are even ex-Cerberus! Am I right Doctor Hendrickson?"_

Now the moderator stepped in.  
_"Alright, let's not stray away from the subject, which is for all the viewers who just tuned in, 'Is asari's reproductive system parasitic in nature?'. We will now give the word to our special guest Doctor Dolan, an expert in the reproductive and evolutionary biology of council species."_  
The salarian coughed and began, _"While discussing the nature of reproduction of any species, we must first and foremost understand and accept, that any activity related to reproduction, including emotions, are serving one goal only. And that is our primitive need to pass down our genes. When you look at the meaning of life, the one nature intended for us anyway, you will find the same answer. Now, the_   _asari's reproduction is very interesting in that aspect. They live for a thousand of years, they are fertile until they die, and they can, in most cases, control the exact time when will they become pregnant. And also no part of DNA of the partner is passed down to the offspring, rather it is used-"_

 _"Just a moment if you will, Doctor Dolan. When you are explaining the nature of my species reproduction, I will ask you to refrain from the word 'used' because that word can have a somewhat negative implication, and could confuse some viewers."_  
_"Confuse?"_ Hendrickson spat out, _"Nothing is confusing about it; I would say it is rather simple to understand! You are using the genes of your partners to randomize your own! The offspring is always_   _asari, and no part of it is human, salarian, turian or whatever. Just your DNA, which you mix with brain melding. And that's the part that is parasitic. You can use your brain meld to seduce your partner, gain information about them and put ideas in their heads. And it is done so you could rule the galaxy! And put the other species under your control!"_  
_"You are referring to my species as something similar to Reapers? How dare you!"_

Hendrickson held his hands in defense, _"I apologize. I didn't think that through, I would never compare your species to Reapers! I will paraphrase; your species are worse than the Reapers! They at least had the decency to do it, so we know about it, where you are taking advantage of-"_  
_"Alright!"_ Moderator stepped in once again.

 _"Doctor Hendrickson, refrain yourself from making such comments, and please wait for your turn. I must ask the same of you Matriarch Kelar. If we follow the rules, we can have a healthy debate. Now, Doctor Dolan, please continue."_  
_"As I was saying,"_ salarian started again, looking from Hendrickson to Kelar with distaste. _"In the process of mind melding, the asari uses the DNA of the partner to randomize her own, so the offspring would not have the same DNA as her mother. Now, that we covered the basics, I will give my opinion on the subject of this debate. If we look at the way asari reproduction system is developed, we can conclude that the very act of reproduction, in its crude form, is indeed parasitic."_

The asari opened her mouth to counter that statement, but the salarian doctor held his hand to stop her.

 _"But, that can be said for any other species. In almost every relationship there is a more dominant one, the one who uses its partner for personal gain? Also, we can look at the anatomy of almost any male. The males who are stronger are most likely chosen by the female to have his child. And of course, the female attracted the male with her, well, specific body parts or scent. Of course, now that we reached this point of evolution, strength is not that important, so other attributes, like intelligence, is more attractive. It is quite fascinating how most species have this subconscious drive for manipulation when it comes to their partners. Be it emotional or physical. And there is no place for judgment, it is how evolution works; if the parents are strong, the child will have better chances of survival, and therefore continuing that specific line of genes. Now, before I let Doctor Hendrickson and Matriarch_ Kelar _speak, I will just say that even though there are indications of asari parasitic nature, they will not conquer the galaxy and kill other species as some fear. Because every parasite needs a host."_

With that line, Doctor Dolan smiled, quite pleased with himself. But, the smile soon disappeared from his face as both the asari and human started yelling in his direction.

 _"Asari are not parasites! Did you ever heard about the term_ bondmate _?"_  
_"We are not animals! We care for each other, but how could you know anything about emotions when the politics are the basis for your species reproduction!_  
Salarian glared at the human, preparing to attack him with a lengthy explanation of salarian reproduction and how it is better than the humans and asaris. Moderator shook her head.  
_"Dear viewers we will take a short break."_

The yelling could be heard in the background as the program switched to commercials. Shepard turned off the television and headed outside.  
"Idiots."  
Shepard sat on the porch, drinking her beer. She looked at the sky as the early stars started to show. From here she could see several constellations; Draco, Hercules, Ursa Minor, Leo…  
It was funny how everything looked different from Earth. Each set of stars telling their own story. She remembered when she was little; she used to sneak out just to watch the stars, letting her imagination go into whatever world it wanted. That feeling of, what she could best describe as openness, she never felt when she was on another planet. The stars were always too far, too near or too bright. But here, on Earth, they were at the perfect distance to look at.

Even though she enjoyed being on Earth, where her home is, and making memories with her little family, there is still something missing in her life. Something that would help her with restlessness and maybe even dreams she had every other night. She missed the sensation of the ship as it reaches the relays, the fast acceleration before they jump several light years. She missed the slight hum of the engines, the action, and constant adrenaline. More than once she thought about applying to active service. Taking the kids with her. Of course, because she was the mother of underage children, she would be put in the safest patrol zones. But she would take it. Anything to keep herself from falling in the prison of her thoughts. Most of the nights she doesn't even have the will to go to sleep. Seeing the faces of those long dead; speaking to her in soft whispers, accusing her of the things she did. Calling her to them, to join them in their eternal dance.

Taking another sip of her cold beer, she tried to think about something else. The first thing that came to her mind was that debate she watched. There was no doubt that the discussion was poorly organized. But still, there were some excellent points. One she could most agree on is the selfishness of every living being. No matter what you do, how good the deed is, there is always a spark of greed underneath it. Shepard accepted that long time ago. She still didn't decide how to put herself in that philosophy. As she thought about an example, she could use, Liara's face came to her mind. It was... a week and a half perhaps? When they last saw each other? And still, Shepard couldn't put together words that were scattered in her mind. Things she wanted to say. What could she say anyway? She tried to write, but she gave up every time she finished the opening line.

Maybe she should call her? No, bad idea. She would just block in the middle of the conversation and make a fool of herself. It was hard to admit, but Shepard was afraid. Liara was her friend, a good friend, and she didn't recognize that. And now, if she screws this up, there is no way their relationship will come back to the state it was. Hell, Shepard should be happy if Liara wants to talk to her now and then, just to catch up. The thought of that made Shepard somewhat uneasy and tense. She would rather have her completely back. She promised herself that she would never act disrespectfully to her friend again. Liara doesn't deserve that. Liara is not a bad person.

Feeling angry at herself for being such a coward, she finished her beer and opened her omni-tool, inspiration striking her. But just as she started to write, a voice from upstairs interrupted her.  
_"Mom!"_  
"Oh for fuck's sake," Shepard said to herself and closed the omni-tool. "What is it now?" She yelled as she walked back into the house.  
_"Mike is cheating!"_  
_"It's not true mom! Addison doesn't know how to play! And she hit me!"_  
_"Liar!"_

Shepard sighed and started to walk upstairs. It seems that writing that mail will have to wait until later. There is a war she has to end.  
"That's enough you two! Time for bed!"

* * *

_"Well, well, look who remembered to call back."_

"Hi, dad."

_"Don't you 'hi dad' to me! What, now you don't have time to talk to your father anymore?"_

"You know I am busy. I would have called if I had the time."

_"Oh, you must be very busy then. Two weeks! Two weeks since I called you, to hear how my only daughter is doing. But not even a simple mail. Radio silence. I almost send my girls to go and drag you here."_

"Like they would have a chance."

Aethyta laughed at that,  _"Spoken like a true one-quarter_ krogan _. You could take 'em all out by_ headbu _-"_

"No."

_"Fine. Let it boil. You will release it when you need it the most."_

"What are you talking about?"

_"Blood-rage."_

"By the Goddess. Not this again. Can we change the subject please?"

_"Sure. Let's talk about you. How did you spend your last week? You know, besides being busy, selling information, ignoring your father, having meetings with some old friends…"_

"I can't believe you! How many times I have to ask you to stop spying me?"

_"I don't know. Keep trying."_

"If you didn't notice, I am an adult now! I can take care of myself."

 _"Like hell, you can. You know she hurt you. And you come bouncing back. If you are really in that kind of thing, I know a_ turian _-"_

"I did not bounce back! For your information, we didn't talk after that. I am waiting for her to contact me. If she wants." The last words escaped Liara in the form of a whisper.

_"So you are expecting her to call you back?"_

"Well, I..."

_"That's what you said, that you are waiting for her to call you. At least you put some boundaries this time."_

"She is my friend! We went through a lot together. She saved my life, more than once."

_"And you saved hers. Isn't that cute?"_

"What is your problem exactly?"

_"My problem is her! Do you think that she changed? She isn't the person you fell... I mean become friends with. War changes people Liara. You know that. But she went through hell, and then back in. I respect her for that. And I am grateful for what she did. I also owe my life to her. I know what war does to people Liara. In my thousand years, I saw the most badass motherfuckers broken down. But hanar will grow tits before I let her hurt you again. Do you understand?"_

"You will do nothing. You are making a fuss about that one incident."

_"If it was a fuss, then why did you hide bruises on your arms? I swear if you didn't stop me-"_

"I provoked her. I should have left her alone. Talk to her when she wasn't drunk."

_"Don't you dare rationalize it! That was physical abuse! And Goddess only knows what she said to you. It must have been pretty bad since you won't tell me about it."_

Liara was silent for a moment before she spoke again, "She told the truth. That is the only thing I can't hold against her."

Aethyta opened her mouth to say something but quickly decided against it. It's not the right time. And seeing how Liara's mood feel since they started talking about that damn Shepard, she changed the subject. And so they talked. About professional life, about how Aethyta yelled at the last Matriarch council (again), about Liara's childhood and her plans for the future. They talked about everything, but it felt as Shepard was in Liara's mind for the whole evening.

* * *

Liara watched the television as the drone came to her. Some sleazy romantic-action movie, the type she would never admit she watched. To anyone. But when alone, nobody could know. So she enjoyed it. And she was irritated when Glyph flew over to her side.

"I am sorry to interrupt Doctor T'Soni, but there are still unanswered messages from your private inbox. You requested to be reminded of them."

Half-interested she asked the drone, "Messages from whom?" If one of them is from her father nagging her about being single, she will block her for a few days.

"One message is from master Feron, a voice mail to be exact."

Liara waved her hand at the drone, still watching the movie, "Oh, I talked with Feron. You can delete that one."

"Of course, Doctor T'Soni. The next one is from your father, Matriarch Aethyta. There is an attachment in the mail, a link to a head-butting championship and a list of contacts from various services regarding-"

"Delete that and send my father the same reply I send her the last time. And save the head-butting video to my private files."

"Of course, Doctor T'Soni! Sending the message with the title, 'Stop meddling into my love life!'"

"Is that all Glyph?"

Glyph flew over to her, blocking the screen, "There are two messages, from unlisted contact-"

Liara rolled her eyes, "I told you to delete them Glyph. And move. I can't see anything." She moved her head left, right and above the flying drone, to try to catch what is happening on the screen but the drone just followed her movements.

"I would, but as I scanned the messages and location from where they were sent, I decided to keep them."

"You decided? Well then, they must be important," Liara said with sarcasm in her voice, but the drone, of course, missed it.

"Messages were sent from Earth, and they are signed as 'Shepard.' The probability that is Captain Shepard, from the Alliance Navy is around-"

Liara jumped and grabbed him, "Shepard send a message? Why didn't you tell me drone?"

She released him and ran towards her bedroom, nervousness making her tremble. She could hear Glyph still talking from the living room, "I informed you two days ago, when they were sent, but you said to delete them as they were from unlisted contact."

Sitting on her bed, she opened her inbox. Taking a deep breath, she clicked on the first one.

_Hi, Liara._

_I hope you get this. If you wonder how I got your private address, let just say I have my sources. Does that make me an information broker?_

_You know, I thought a lot about last time we saw each other. And every time I think about it, I realize how much I missed you this last 8 years. Or was it 9? I don't know. Anyway, as I said on Illium, I was not a good friend to you. You just wanted to help. But every time I didn't let you. You know, sometimes I think why would someone like you, want someone like me in her life._

_You are a beautiful person Liara, a good person. And I don't want to taint you with my… hell if I know what. Sometimes it's like a curse you know? I care about you Liara, and all I ever wanted for you is to be happy. I know that sometimes I don't know how to show it, but... yeah._

_Anyway, before I forget why I am writing this, you said you want to meet Mike and Addison. And I think they would love to meet you. They heard a lot about you, and Mike sometimes asks things about protheans. And who is better suited to answer them, then my prothean expert?_

_(Expect for Javik, but you know how he is.)_

_So, consider this an official invite to Shepard residence. I would love to show you around. Hit me back if you want to come. Earth is a beautiful place, and you would like it here._

_Shepard_

Liara's heart beat faster with each word she read. She was filled with happiness. There is another message from Shepard. It was sent few hours after the first. Did she change her mind?

_Hey,_

_Just wanted to apologize if that one didn't make a lot of sense. I had a few beers before writing it so... yeah. I'm kinda embarrassed now. But the invitation still stands._

_Shepard_

Liara was a little disappointed; she wrote those things just because she was drunk? Liara lie on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Disappointment slowly started to withdraw as she read the message over and over again. If Liara learned anything about Shepard, is that she is most honest when there is some alcohol in her blood. Liara could feel butterflies in her stomach. Because there may be a chance, and the hope made Liara extremely happy.


	6. Rush Hour

The alarm buzzed on the nightstand. An arm slipped from underneath the covers, and with a hard slam stopped the noise which pierced straight into its owner's brain. With a weight on her back, Shepard sat on the edge of the bed, and after few hard rubs, she left her hands to rest on her face, allowing for blood to do its job, and awake her. With the hands protecting her face, memories of dreams come rushing back, and they block any strength Shepard has in her body, preventing her from getting up. The night was long, with snippets of dreams between waking up in confusion every half an hour or so. That was nothing new, and she was, in a way, used to them. After all this time, they aren't even nightmares anymore. Just dreams. Looking out the window, she could see the sun rising from the horizon, with light summer breeze reaching Shepard's body. Shepard closed her eyes, filling her lungs with the fresh air. She felt instantly relaxed. Today will be a beautiful day. Today Liara comes to visit, and Shepard felt nervous at just the thought of her. And excited. She couldn't even fall asleep for the good part of the night, worrying Liara wouldn't like it here. She was also in some of the dreams tonight. Appearing here and there, not having some important role in the twisted logic of Shepard's subconscious. But in one part, Shepard was in the airport, waiting for her to come, but she didn't. Now and then a silhouette would pass, and every time Shepard thought it was Liara. Shepard remembered she felt like a bride left at the altar. She shook her head at the thought. What a weird example.

Standing up, she changed her sweaty t-shirt, leaving the pajama bottom. She will put the day clothes later. Heading to the hallway, she reached for her kids' bedroom door, and opening it slightly, just so her head could fit. She smiled as she looked at Mike and Addison sleeping peacefully. She will miss them when they leave for summer camp, but it is better than to stay home all summer doing nothing. This way they will learn something new, make new friends and hopefully bring only good memories with them. Shepard remembered her summer camp and the fun she had. Where did the time fly by? It feels like it was hundred years ago. For a moment, Shepard thought about waking them up, but it was still early, so she closed the door. She headed to the kitchen to make some coffee, and as she will have a few hours for herself, she will sit outside and catch some morning sun. Waiting for the coffee to finish, she thought about how the kids will react to Liara. They saw an asari before so that that part won't be hard. But because of the nature of Shepard's and Liara's relationship, there could be some awkward moments. Maybe it's a good thing Liara couldn't come sooner to Earth. This way, it would be easier for them to try to fix their friendship. It will be complicated enough just between two of them, and near impossible to make some improvements with kids around. But on the other hand, they would have only a day with Liara. Even though kids quickly make a decision do they like someone or not, Shepard would rather they spend more time with her. She is smart and kind, so she could make a good influence on them.

They like almost everyone from the Normandy crew. At least the ones she managed to stay in contact with. But life goes on, and with some of the former crew, she doesn't hear anymore. She talks with Kaidan now and then, but it is mostly about Alliance stuff. Kaidan got married to some doctor he met at the Citadel during the war. Shepard smiled at that. She was correct when she assumed he's a big romantic. Marriage, kids, house. Maybe a dog. Or a cat? No, Kaidan wouldn't choose. He would have both. Even adopting strays from the streets. His life is near perfect, not only in the personal aspect but in the professional field he is also moving up. He is now the head of one of the divisions of CID. Maybe in time, he would reach the very top, but Shepard somewhat doubted that. He is more of a family guy. And going up in military only demands sacrifices, which he is not ready to make.

Taking her coffee, Shepard headed outside to sit. Taking a careful sip of her hot beverage, her mind raced back to that time when she had lunch with him on the Citadel. How nervous he was when talking about his feelings for her. And how disappointed he looked after Shepard told him it wasn't the right time. With the war going on, and a thousand things to do at once, she couldn't afford the distraction. Not even for a single night. She didn't have the convenience of allowing herself to add another burden on her back. What if something happened to him too? It was a right decision. But she had to wonder, would everything be different if she said yes? Give them a chance? She would never meet Edward, and she wouldn't go through that awful feeling of loss. Again. And maybe, just maybe, when she woke up from the coma and when she would saw Kaidan's face in a blur, she would feel something. And she wouldn't end in this mental state. She quickly shook her head. Nothing is wrong with her. Bad dreams are normal. Every soldier has them. She shouldn't allow herself to reach the edge of self-pity like that. After all, if she didn't meet Edward, Addison and Mike wouldn't exist, those beautiful children, which they made together.

Then there were Garrus and Tali. Working and building life on Rannoch, being happy in the process. They visit whenever they have the chance, and the kids love them. How couldn't they? After all, both Garrus and Tali helped raised them. Miranda is also very fond of them. She even admitted once to Shepard that she considers them like her own. Shepard took no offense in that. Unable to have children of her own, in a way she adopted Addison and Mike. It made that wound hurt a little less. But there was a person Shepard deliberately avoided, or tried to at least. Joker. After what she did, she couldn't look him in the eyes. She was directly responsible for EDI's death. It is somewhat funny. Others took from Shepard, and Shepard took from others.

What is done is done. There's no point in thinking what may have been. The present is what matters, especially the one coming in few hours. She must make Liara feel at home and relaxed. Maybe if they fix the problems they have with one another, then she will visit again, and kids will see her more. She will see her more. Shepard felt assured. She has a plan, and she will do everything she can to see it through.

* * *

_''Welcome to Earth! All Quarians must proceed to medical bay in section C, to receive antibiotics and vaccines. If this is your first time visiting Earth, we strongly encourage you to head over to our guides, to obtain any information and tips for a more pleasant experience. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask. We hope you enjoy your stay!"_

The speaker was replaced with soft music, which was very hard to hear, as the crowd filled the docking bay, heading towards the main hallway of the port. Many first-timers were coming from the ship, easily recognizable by their confused faces, reading the flyer, to gain direction to nearby hotel. Liara dragged her heavy baggage behind her, heading for the exit. The ship was a little late, so she hoped Shepard didn't wait too long. The butterflies in her stomach flutter with each step she made towards the main entrance of the docks. She will see Shepard again! After receiving the invitation, her excitement quickly fell after she realized she couldn't head to Earth right away. She had to arrange a substitute, cancel all meetings, or arrange them to some of her agents. Luckily Feron was more than happy to jump in.

_"Don't you worry about a thing. I have it all under control. You go and have fun."_  
_"With you in charge, I will have to worry about everything!"_

But to be fair, Feron does an excellent job as an Information Broker. At least in this last week, when she traveled. He sent regular updates and asked for her approval for one delicate matter. All in all the business was in good hands, and she will try not to think about it while on Earth. Finally reaching the main entrance, she looked around. There were many family members and friends welcoming their guests, but none of them was Shepard. A little bit worried, Liara opened her console. There was one unread message,

_Hey Liara, I am going to be a little late, I'm stuck in traffic. There is a bar just near the entrance so get yourself something to drink. I will be there as fast as I can. Sorry._

Liara sighed with relief. She's just stuck in traffic. She saw a bar only a few feet ahead of her and headed towards it. Sitting at the table where Shepard could easily see her when she arrives, Liara ordered some juice. Sipping her drink, she read the latest updates from Feron, while waiting for time and her nervousness to pass.

"Do you mind if I sit miss?"

Liara looked up and saw a young human male. Confused, Liara involuntary turned her head to look around, but the young human quickly added, "All the tables are full, and my parents are late so if you don't mind some company? Or I could be silent, minding my own business. Whichever you prefer as long I don't have to drink standing up."

Liara was nervous enough while waiting for Shepard to arrive, but maybe talking to this stranger could help her ease her mind. So she smiled and offered him a seat.

"Thanks. My family is famous for being late."

"I know how you feel. I have a friend with the same habit."

"Oh, so your pick up is late too? What is his excuse? Traffic, lost keys, wrong turn, skycar wouldn't start?"

"Knowing her, probably all of it."

He laughed at that, "Well, at least she tries to make something up. Nikolas." He offered his hand. Liara noticed he had some kind of a tattoo on his forearm. It looked familiar, but Liara couldn't remember where she saw it before.

"Liara."

"Nice to meet you. So, is this your first time visiting Earth?"

"No, I've been here a couple of times. Although the last time I was here it was several years ago; so I look forward to seeing how Earth has changed. How about you? Do you live here or...?"

"Kind of. I mean I was born here, but after I graduated, I took some free time to decide what I would like to do with my life. So I travel around the galaxy. Figuring things out. My parents are not so happy about it."

"Why is that?"

"They want me to go to university, get a job, and take some responsibility. They are right in a way, but I still don't have a sense what I would like to do."

"Well, the university could give you a sense of a direction. Even if you choose the wrong one."

Nikolas frowned, enlightenment passing through his face. After a moment of awkward silence, he chuckled, "I never looked at it in that way. You gave me something to think about."

"Glad to help," Liara smiled to this young man. If she had to make a judgment of him, she would say that he has potential; he just needs someone to nudge him when he gets stuck.

"What about you? What do you do in life, you know, besides advising strangers."

"I am a… archaeologist."

"Really? So beautiful and smart- oh shit, sorry, I hope I didn't offend you."

Nikolas's face turned bright red. Liara smiled at him. They have something in common; making a fool of themselves in social situations. Liara could tell he doesn't have much experience in relationships.

"It's alright. Thank you."

"Ok, moving on before I die of embarrassment," he cleared his throat. "Did you specialized in any particular field?"

"Protheans."

"Wait, didn't they found a living prothean few years ago? It must be such a treat for you, getting all the information about ancient civilization first hand? It's like we revive an Egyptian pharaoh or some Greek philosopher like Socrates."

 _Too bad Javik doesn't fit in any of the categories,_ she thought.

"He's not very talkative, so we can't get any reliable information from him right now."

"Commander Shepard found him right? On Eden Prime? I visited that place a few months ago. They still have diggings, and we had a tour around the more secure sites. Did you worked there?"

"I visited Eden Prime once or twice, but no, I haven't had the chance to work there. Maybe one day."

Nikolas looked at her, studying her face, and Liara knew what is coming, almost closing her eyes in frustration.

"Holy shit! You.. you're Liara T'Soni! You served with Commander Shepard on the Normandy! You looked familiar, but I couldn't put my finger where I saw you... it's an honor! Truly."

Now it was Liara's turn to blush. The excitement of this young man sitting in front of her made her slightly uncomfortable. She could see in his eyes that he was even more struck by her then a few minutes ago. Some part of her even welcomed that, he was a very handsome man.

"Thank you, but could you be a little bit quieter, please? I would rather not attract any attention."

"Yeah, yeah sure. No problem." Nikolas lowered his voice, but he was still looking at Liara as if he couldn't decide if this is really happening or is this just one heck of a dream. Either way, he will make the most of it.

"I watched almost every documentary there was about the Normandy, and the war. I know I look like a fool now, but I don't care. You have no idea how much you mean to us. The things you did… it was a miracle."

"We didn't do it alone."

"No. But you were the tip of the spear. I wanted to join the military or some resistance groups here on Earth, but I was too young. My parents took me away on some of the safer planets. We ran away. Like cowards. I still resent them for that."

Cowards were in the category of people Nikolas hated the most. The word was overlayed with disgust.

"Your parents were afraid for you, and like you said you were young. War… war isn't a pretty thing Nikolas." She averted her gaze just somewhere left of the young human, focusing on some small insignificant object in the distance; remembering the people they lost. Nikolas nodded in understanding. He will not ask more questions about the war. No matter how curious he was.

"I just felt useless. I wanted to help."

Liara looked at him again; her lips were forming a smile that didn't quite reached her eyes. She was tired.

"Galaxy still needs a lot of rebuilding. There is a lot of work to be done."

"Yeah. I guess."

The silence that fell between them was quickly broken by the sound of his omni-tool.

As he read the message, annoyance crossed his face, "Now they decide to arrive. My parents are waiting for me," he explained. "Look, um, I know we don't know each other and that you are visiting your friend here, but, would you mind if we exchange numbers? It's ok if you don't want to, it's just that in this short time I feel like I can talk to you, you know?"  
He stumbled around his words, and Liara thought about it for a moment. He seemed like a fun and friendly person to be around. Not shortsighted like most of his peers. Liara imagined she could have nice, mature conversations with him.

"Of course. Here, I will send you my contact mail."

"Really?" Being surprised was an understatement, but he quickly recovered.

"Yeah. Sure. So I will hear from you?"

Once again he offered his hand, and Liara took it. He held it a little longer than necessary like he was thinking about what to say. But he just smiled and released her hand. Saying his goodbyes, he threw one final glance towards Liara, before he disappeared into the crowd.

He stayed in Liara's mind for a while. If she were human, they would be around the same age. He was full of life, even naïve in some things, like most who lack real-life experience. But Liara liked that in him for some reason. But then she thought about Shepard. Shepard was older then Nikolas; so that makes Liara younger than Shepard. The difference in maturity could clearly be seen. But then again, Shepard was differently shaped by life then Nikolas. For a moment, Liara wondered how Shepard saw her. Like a little sister? Liara forced herself not to think about the possibility of it, as the implication would lead to a sore heart, so she continued reading her emails while patiently waiting for Shepard to arrive.

* * *

This is getting ridiculous. She hit the horn once more, knowing it won't do anything, but at least she could get her frustration out. She was late for more than thirty minutes now, and every time she thought about all the ways Liara could react, feeling of dread hit Shepard. Nice, Shepard. Now she is really feeling welcome, tired from the trip, waiting in some overcrowded bar. She knew she should leave earlier, but she couldn't decide should she buy something, as a welcoming gift, or just go empty handed. After much consideration and weighing possible outcomes; she decided it was best just to go. Bringing flowers or something would be weird. Then there was a problem with her clothes. She had no idea what to wear. Did it really matter? She is just going to pick her friend up. And of course, she had to take Mike and Addison to their friend's house until she picks them later with Liara. Before she knew it, time flew by, and with slight panic she told Addison and Mike to get into the car, making them look at each other in confusion, probably because they never saw their mom acting this weird.

This whole day was a mess. She didn't have enough sleep, it was hot, and she was late because of this fucking traffic.

"MOVE!"

She wasn't sure they heard her, even though her window was open; so she hit the horn again, just for good measure. Only this time she got a response; a hand elegantly sliding out of the window, with an extended middle finger in the air pointing in her direction.

"Oh, you motherfu…!"

She stopped herself mid-sentence. Even when the kids aren't around, she has to watch her language and control her temper. Bad habits die hard, and kids are absorbing every word she says. Especially Addison. She needs to be a good role model to her children. So she will be the mature one and will not react to the juvenile in front of her. She will tolerate it; after all, she is not far away from the docks. She will calm down and…  
But, unfortunately, the middle finger danced in the air, mocking her even more, and all capacity for Shepard's self-control vanished through her mouth.

"Oh yeah? Want to hear the horn? Here it is, you fucking idiot!"

And so Shepard hit her audio player, quickly changing to that one song she heard one day, an old, old song. And she started to hit the horn in a perfect rhythm with the song. It went for a minute or two, even after her nemesis retreated his arm inside.

"Bye!" Shepard laughed as the driver in front of her made a turn and left the highway Shepard was on. With her mood drastically improved, Shepard didn't seem to notice the traffic anymore, so she turned the audio player off, and relaxed. The smile didn't fade as she turned to the right, and entered the parking zone for the docks. With a bit of luck, she found a free space not far from the entrance. Parking the skycar, she gave herself a few moments to compose herself. Placing a cap on her head, she looked in the rearview mirror to check herself. Deciding she looks somewhat decent she took a deep breath before she got out, and headed towards the entrance. Passing through the thick crowd of both humans and aliens, going in all possible directions, she touched the brim of her cap, slightly lowering it to her eyes so that she could minimize the chances of someone recognizing her. She didn't mind occasionally stop for a picture or an autograph, but most of the time it was very tiring. Keeping a smile on her face for extended periods of time was not among Shepard's talents.

After successfully avoiding any possible glances, she was finally inside the entrance bay. With a few more steps she saw a sign of the bar Liara was supposed to wait for her. Lowering her gaze, her eyes jumped from one table to another, until finally seeing a blue form sitting alone in the corner. Shepard was frozen in place, thinking about how to approach her, what to say? She removed the hat from her head, and with fingers, she tried to fix any rogue strands of hair. Then she noticed the second glass on the table. Was someone with her? She didn't have time to think anymore, as Liara looked in her direction, and smile forming on her face, making Shepard smile in return. Liara headed towards her, while Shepard ignored something bickering at the end of her mind. Noticing the heavy luggage she dragged behind her, Shepard hurried to help her.

"Here, let me help you," Shepard said as she took the heavier bag from Liara.

"Thank you, Shepard."

"No problem. Look, I am sorry I'm late. Traffic was unbelievable."

"It's alright. I didn't wait for that long."

"Still, it makes me a poor host."

Shepard paused for a moment, internally kicking herself for not arriving on time. She will have to make it up somehow to her.

"So. How was your trip? No pirates trying to kidnap higher class passengers?" Shepard half-joked with this, but she was well aware of the dangers traveling with direct lines. Perfect target for pirates to ambush somewhere on the way. Despite the combined effort of all council military, pirates were hard to eliminate. Liara recognized the tone behind the joke, so she decided to answer with a joke of her own, "Well, if they did come, I know of a certain Captain that would come and save the day."

Liara was aware that her answer held more than just a shared joke between friends, but as Shepard suddenly stopped and looked at her, she wondered if Shepard caught the double meaning.

"You know I would Liara. No matter what."

Sincerity in Shepard's tone made Liara hold the gaze between them. She wanted to say that Shepard could count on her too, that she will always be there to help her, but Shepard didn't give her a chance to say that.

"C'mon. You must be tired. My car is not far off."

And here it is again. Shepard is looking out for others and blocking everything coming her way. But this is not the time to deal with it, so Liara decided to let it go.

"Where are Mike and Addison? I thought they would come with you."

"It's pretty hot today, so I decided it would be best for them to wait at their friend's house. We are going to pick them up. They are excited to meet you."

"I'm looking forward to it too."

The rest of the walk towards the car was in silence. And when they finally reached it, Shepard put Liara's baggage into the trunk. Liara reached to open the door of the skycar, but Shepard hurried over to her side and opened the door for her.

"M'lady."

The unexpected goofiness of Shepard and the cocky half smile on her face made Liara laugh. And she played along.

"Why, thank you very much, madam."

Before she closed the door, Shepard laughed, clearly satisfied Liara continued the little play. After she got into the car, Shepard threw her cap in the backseat, and turn the car on.

Liara imagined there would be moments of awkward silence between them, so some music could help ease the tension.

"Do you mind if I turn the radio on?" she asked, and Shepard gave her permission with a slight nod of her head while focusing on exiting the parking lot. Liara didn't understand why Shepard doesn't just turn the autopilot on; maybe she is nervous about her visiting as she is, so driving a skycar is a welcome distraction, or perhaps it's just simple as having the car under her control. Pushing the button a loud music filled the car. Shepard's eyes widened as her hand slammed the radio, by inches missing Liara's hand, making Liara uncertain was she more shocked at Shepard's choice of music, or her sudden movement. Liara couldn't make out the lyrics, but she was sure there was profanity in them. A lot.

Liara looked at Shepard, and she could see that she was blushing. Clearing her throat, she explained, "I should really tell Mike and Addison to stop messing with the radio," a nervous laugh before she continued. "Kids nowadays, right?"

Liara trying to keep her face neutral, just said, "Of course, Shepard."

She looked out the window, looking at the landscape, trying not to laugh, and she could swear she heard Shepard muttered something under her breath. This is going to be a very interesting week.


	7. Tactical Disadvantage

 They were driving for twenty minutes now. Most of it was spent in silence, only the music from the radio filling the tight space inside the car. They small talked for a while, easing the tension in the air. It worked, but soon enough they ran out of questions and ultimately gave up when Shepard asked how her trip was. For the third time. Liara wondered when this uneasiness between them would subside. When will they relax more in each other's presence? She was aware that their relationship was in a weird place right now, but they were best friends once. And even though some things happened, surely the parts of it, good parts were still there somewhere? And by default, shouldn't it be easier? To talk if nothing else. Maybe, the thicker the relationship was, the harder it is to fix it.

She was sure that Shepard feels terrible for what happened between them, and that she is trying to fix it. But all that trying is on the verge of being irritating. Liara just wants to talk to her, but she feels as if Shepard still treats her like she did when they fought Saren. Protective. And the word was leaving a bitter taste in her mouth.

"How come you don't use the autopilot?" her question made Shepard flinch, as she was lost in her thoughts.

"What?"

"Autopilot," Liara repeated, pointing her finger at the little switch near the steering wheel. "Why don't you turn it on? Isn't it tiring to drive in this traffic?" Liara looked at the cars ahead of them, forming a thick line.

"I like it. It helps me clear my thoughts."

"Some particular ones?"

"I was just thinking how the kids will react. Mike was pretty excited when I told them you are coming."

"And Addison?"

"Well, she is curious too. But Mike has a million questions about the Protheans. I think he is even confused about your profession. He did mention something about dinosaurs."

Liara smiled, thinking about the gifts she bought for Mike and Addison. She hoped they would like it, as she had no experience with children, even less so with Shepards.

"Most people do," Liara responded, acting a little offended. Shepard caught on that and continued the joke.

"Can you blame us? You dig stuff out. Human bones, asari bones, animal bones... what's the difference? Crazy shit T'Soni."

"I don't just go to a local graveyard in the middle of the night and dig skeletons out! Uncovering the secrets of ancient civilizations, I get to glimpse the past, solving a puzzle thousand years old. You on the other hand..."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"No, no tell me."

"Well if you insist..."

"Oh, I do."

"Who in her right mind would spend her life marching in the rain with full equipment, shouting orders to her younger coworkers and blowing stuff up?"

Shepard's face flinched at the last word. And Liara wondered if she went a too little far. She wanted to apologize, but Shepard was faster.

"Coworkers? Oh God, T'Soni. I tried to teach you something when you joined the Normandy. Nobody expected you to learn advanced warfare tactics..."

Liara crossed her arms waiting for the final blow.

"...but I hoped you could at least try to remember simple military expressions. I failed."

Shepard hung her head in defeat.

"Hilarious, Shepard. At least your comedic skills are still developing. Unlike your diplomatic ones."

"Uh-oh, T'Soni is hitting under the belt. My diplomatic skills are fine thank-you-very-much."

"Calling a group of people idiotic is your highest level of diplomacy? Oh, Goddess."

"In my defense, you must be pretty stupid to think Reapers would sign the peace treaty and dance with us in the moonlight."

Liara looked at her, waiting for an explanation, and when none came, she had to ask.

"In the moonlight? What does that even mean?"

Shepard made a sideways glance, realizing that she has no clue what she just said. Blood flowed to her cheeks, making a weird pattern on the more scarred side of her face.

"I don't know."

Liara laughed so sweetly at that, and it made Shepard look at her. A smile of her own formed on her face as the sound of Liara's happiness reached her ears. It made her feel warm and maybe a little bit happy herself.

"You are so weird T'Soni."

"I think we are both weird in our own way."

"Yeah. I think so too," Shepard said as she turned her attention back to the cars ahead.

There was silence again but this time not choking them both. Shepard felt relaxed as she watched ahead of her, slightly steering the skycar as she maneuvered through the traffic.

"Shepard."

Once again Shepard was pulled from her thoughts by Liara's voice.

"Yeah?"

There was a moment of pause before Liara asked, "What if they don't like me?"

Shepard took a moment trying to determine who is Liara talking about, but her mind was utterly blank of an answer.

"Who?"

There was a gap before Liara asked as if she was not sure voicing one of her worries was a good idea anymore.

"Michael and Addison."

"Why wouldn't they like you?"

Liara shrugged her shoulders and turned her attention to something in the distance.

"You mean because you are an asari or..."

"I don't know."

Shepard started to cover each point she could think of that could Liara feel insecure, "If it's because you are an asari, don't worry. They seen one before; besides you being alien shouldn't worry you, Garrus and Tali are, and they love them. And honestly Liara, I can't think of any other reason why they wouldn't like you."

Shepard thought about her words, "Ok, that sounded a bit racist. But you know what I mean."

"I guess so. Thank you, Shepard."

Shepard nodded her head a bit, and Liara continued, "And by the way, the correct word is anthropocentric. Not racist."

As Liara said that, she turned her head trying to hide the smile on her face.

"I found one! Being a smart-ass! Nobody likes a smart-ass."

Liara couldn't help herself. The words escaped from her mouth before her brain could stop them, "Expect you, maybe."

Shepard was silent for what seemed like an eternity for Liara as if she was thinking how to answer that. Her lips spread in a half-smile, "Yeah. Maybe."

* * *

"When I grow up, I will explore every possible planet in this galaxy! And when I'm done, I will go to next galaxy, and when I'm done with that-"

"We get it Boris." a black haired girl jumped from the low hanging branch she was sitting on. She stood in the center of the circle formed by four other children.

"When I grow up, I'm going to be a soldier, a hero. Just like my mom."

A boy, who was silent most of the time, and slightly detached from the rest of the kids, had the urge to correct her, "Mom is a marine Addison."

Addison made a sharp turn to her younger brother, shooting daggers at him, "I know that Mike!"

"It must be so cool to have Commander Shepard as a mom!"

Addison pulled her nose so high into the air, feeling proud and important, "Yes, it is. And it's not Commander it's Captain! She got promoted. After the war."

"Jason from fifth grade has a granddad who is an admiral. So your mom must listen to him."

"No, she doesn't."

"Um yes, she does! I read about the ranks. Admiral is the highest you can reach!" the boy in front of Addison countered, "Can you imagine what he had to do? To become an Admiral? I mean, your mom saved the galaxy and yet she is only a Captain."

The word 'only' angered Addison, blood flowing to her face. Thankfully, her brother jumped into the discussion once again.

"She was offered the rank of admiral, but she refused. I think mom said she doesn't want to be behind the desk all day."

Mike was a little sad while saying this. He would like it more if she had that kind of job. That way she would come home every day at the same time. Spend more time with them. There were many times when Mike wished he could say that to her. But then he remembered how tired she looks sometimes. How she sits at the kitchen table staring at nothing, her coffee long forgotten, gone cold. How she walks by the lake, back and forth from one end to another, stopping now and then to throw a rock she picked up. Maybe something is making her head hurtfully confused, so she stays busy, so she didn't have to think about it. He is the same; when his homework is especially difficult, he plays video games.  
But he never asked mom what bothers her, and somewhere deep inside he was sure he wouldn't understand. So he did what he thinks was best; hugging her or asking her to watch cartoons with him. He liked to think it helped. After all, she looked happier after. It was one afternoon when Mike decided to go and interrupt one of her moments. She was standing at the bank of the lake, her back turned towards him, but he could see she was playing with something in her hands.

"Hi, mom."

Shepard turned to the little boy standing next to her. For a moment she was confused before she recognized the small eyes looking up at her. How long was he watching her? How long did she stand there?

"Hey, kid. What's up?"

Mike come a little closer to her, trying to see what was she holding.

"Nothing. What are you doing?"

"Just throwing some rocks. Wanna see?"

Mike didn't say anything; he saw her walking towards the lake two hours ago. So he just nodded quickly, one strand of hair falling over his forehead. Shepard smiled and turned away from him, now her body positioned sideways. With one quick movement of her arm, the stone flew away. Mike was expecting to see it sink, but the rock skipped a few times along the surface of the water before sinking.

"How did you do that? Can you show me? Please?"

Shepard laughed at her son's excitement, "Sure. Here take this one," she said pulling one small rock from her pocket and handing it to Mike, "and try throwing it."

He took the stone and trying to imitate his mother the best he could; he throws it to the lake. Disappointed when the rock just made a small splash and sink, he looked at his mom,

"It didn't work. I can't do it."

"Of course you can! You just need a little practice. Come, I will show you what kind of rock you need."

Mike followed as Shepard started to walk along the bank of the lake.

"The best stones for this kind of thing are the flat ones, and they should fit perfectly in your hand."

"Like this one?"

Shepard turned to him and inspected the rock in her own hand before deciding it will do the job.

"Ok, now the position."

Shepard took the same stance as before, explaining each step to Mike.

"You must face the water, sideways like this, with your feet shoulder apart. You will throw the rock with your right hand, but you must make sure you are holding the stone with your index finger and thumb. This way, you will have more control while throwing. When you are ready just throw it like this."

Shepard moved her hand a few times, making sure Mike saw it. After a few false throws, Shepard urged him to try. Mike nodded and took a deep breath he threw the rock. His eyes were tracking the movement of it, and when it made the first skip, he didn't even register it. But on the second skip, he realized he did it, and he throws his hands in the air as the rock penetrated the water surface and sank.

"I did it, mom!"

"Of course you did, I said you could didn't I?"

Shepard sat on the nearby driftwood watching as Mike practiced his new stone-skipping skills. After a while, he joined his mother. Stone skipping wasn't nearly as fun when doing it alone.

"You are pretty good at it Mike. You must be a natural."

"I can't wait until I can make it skip more times than you can!"

"Whoa, don't get ahead of yourself boy. I am the undisputed champion of rock skipping."

"No, you're not! You don't have any trophy for it."

"Do I need one?"

After thinking it through, he shook his head.

"I guess not. But who showed you how to do it?"

"Your grandfather. I was a little older than you. Maybe ten. We were on a camping trip. I asked him to show me."

Mike approached his mother and sat beside her, waiting for her to collect her thoughts and continue the story. She rarely talked about his grandparents.

"That was a good summer," she put her arm around Mike and bring him closer to her. There was a comfortable silence, only interrupted by the sound of crickets somewhere behind them.

"A few years later I tried to show your uncle how to do it, but he was such an anti-talent for it. He could never get the rock holding right, and he always positioned his arm weird. What a goof. Maybe if he practiced a little more-"

Shepard let out a small laugh, a forced one. She was eight years older than her brother. She remembered how he used to tag along, and how annoyed she was every time mom and dad forced her to take him with her. Much like how Mike follows Addison around, even though age difference between them is negligible. He looked up at her, and Shepard didn't appreciate it. What would she do just to have him again. Her younger brother.

"I was named after him, right?"

Shepard just nodded. This topic was very hurtful to talk about, but Mike was too young to know that.

"Yeah."

"Do you miss them?"

Shepard turned to look at her son. Her eyes showed how tired she was, but other than that, there was no indication there was some emotion behind her words.

"Yes. Yes, I do Mike."

"Can you tell me more?"

"What do you want to know?"

Mike took his time before he decided what he wanted to ask.

"There is a girl in our class-"

"Oh?" Shepard teased.

"Mom!"

"What?"

After Mike gave her a very disapproval glare, she apologized.

"All right, I'm sorry," she chuckled. "What were you saying?"

"Well that girl, one time she brought cookies to school. The chocolate ones? You know? She told us her grandmother baked them, and that she helped. Did my grandma baked cookies?"

A wave of nostalgia hit Shepard so hard she could feel the taste of mom's cookies and warm milk sliding down her throat. Hands covered in flour, as she was helping her bake them. A silhouette of a woman standing next to her, saying something, but Shepard couldn't remember how she sounded like, or what the words were, but she did remember her beautiful smile and how Shepard felt loved. A tall man entered the kitchen, placing a kiss on top of her head. Then he turned to the woman and led her into a dance. They swirled around the kitchen, knocking off things that were put on the edge of the table. They laughed, and Shepard watched them dance until dad picked her up, and all three of them were now dancing. Was Shepard happy then? A voice brings her back to present, leaving the three figures to their dancing.

"Mom? Are you alright?"

Shepard blinked a few times, trying to regain her concentration.

"She baked the best cookies in the world. She showed me once how to do them."

"Really? Will you bake them for us?"

Shepard placed a kiss on top of his head, "Maybe one day. I don't know."

The answer disappointed Mike, and he started to play with the rock in his hand. He just wants to spend more time with his mom.

"Everything all right there buddy?" Shepard asked, giving him a small bump on his shoulder.

"Do you have to work tomorrow?"

Shepard sighed,

"You know I do Mike. My job is important."

"But it's Sunday! Everyone is going to park or swimming."

"Yeah, but on Monday I'm home-"

"We have school then mom! And even if we didn't you are leaving on some stupid planet. You will miss our final game."

"Hey, look at me."

Mike looked at his mom, serious expression on her face.

"I will come to your last game. After all, that game is two weeks from now, no? I will be there."

"Promise?"

"Promise. Now get your sister and wash for dinner, I will order something. Pizza or burgers?"

"Why not both?" Mike said with a smirk, and it made Shepard laugh.

"Yeah, why not? Now go, and don't forget to prepare that movie you two wanted to watch."

"Ok, mom." He stood up and ran towards the house shouting for Addison to wash her hands. After his voice died out, Shepard throw one last stone into the lake, watching as it broke the static surface and how small ripples spread from the impact.

* * *

Later that night, Mike couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned in his bed, counting sheep, trying different positions but without success. And how nothing exciting can be found on the ceiling after studying it for an hour, he decided to go downstairs and watch some television. Taking his blanket, he carefully walked towards the door and opened it. He didn't want to wake his sister.

He almost put his foot on the first step, when the voice coming from the downstairs startled him so much that he retreated few steps from the staircase. He calmed after he recognized the voices. One belonged to his mom, and the second one, slightly muffled as it came from the console, was Aunt Miranda's.

She wasn't his real aunt, but she did what every other aunt in the world did, and it was good enough for him. He even liked her more than Aunt Lizzie.

He thought about going downstairs; mom wouldn't be angry if he told her that he couldn't sleep, but curiosity won, and he stayed hidden in the shadows, listening. What do adults talk about when they are alone?

"So if you could take them to park tomorrow or something like that-"

_"Don't worry Shepard. I'm sure we will found something fun to do."_

"Thanks, Miranda. It means a lot."

_"Don't mention it. You know I love spending time with them."_

Mike could see his mother sit on the couch, putting her feet on the coffee table. Didn't she scold Addison for the same thing?

"So what's up Miranda? How's work?"

_"Delightful."_

"I bet it is."

_"Oh, Shepard. There are too many different opinions what we should do to progress humanity. Some people would retake the old ways, putting humans first; and you know how that turned out. Then some think we should lie low until more time has passed."_

"Yeah, I still think you should change the name. Cerberus brings very bad memories, Miranda."

_"True. But it also serves as a beacon for recruitment. Say what you will, but Illusive Man did things that helped us get a better position as the species."_

"Until his brain melted. People hate Cerberus. You know that. And instead of destroying it, you are keeping it alive. Maybe you want to continue Illusive Man's legacy."

_"Is it a bad thing if I do?"_

"It depends on how you look at it. Or what Cerberus personally did to you. I know what it did to me. What it did to numerous other people, not just aliens. So yeah."

_"Cerberus as an organization did good things too, Shepard. It was individuals who tainted it. I want to clear that name. I want everyone to know that the basic principle was to help humanity. Cerberus can't and won't be tainted by one man's wrong decisions."_

"You can't erase history, Miranda."

 _"Who said anything about erasing it? Smudging the lines maybe,"_  Miranda gave a small laugh.

"Hm."

Shepard knew Miranda was joking, but there are things that Cerberus did, things that made Shepard's blood boil. But even so, she didn't do anything about it.

_"Don't worry Shepard. I will do everything in my power to turn Cerberus into a respectful organization. And everyone will benefit from it. Not just humans. We will not repeat the same mistakes."_

"Time will tell."

_"Thank you, Shepard. Your support means a lot."_

"I'm tolerating it. Not supporting it," Miranda felt Shepard is getting irritated, so she changed the subject.

_"How are you, Shepard? Feeling good?"_

"Why wouldn't I?"

_"Because you look tired. Maybe you should take a break. Spend more time doing things you like. Relax more, take some time off."_

"I do the things I like. The Alliance is my life, Miranda. And I don't need anyone new in my life right now."

_"And your children?"_

"What the hell? What kind of question is that?"

_"I just noticed you try to distance yourself more and more from them. I may be wrong but-"_

"You are wrong. I would do anything for them."

_"Even distance yourself? If I didn't know any better I would say you are protecting them; but from what, I am not sure."_

"Oh, don't give me that crap Miranda. I just want them to be independent. Like every reasonable parent. So when they go to college, they would have easier time adjusting-"

_"They are eight years old. There is more than enough time to make them independent."_

Miranda interrupted, but Shepard ignored her, "I'm planning to return to active service when they are old enough."

Now it was Miranda's time to get angry.

_"That's a bit selfish."_

Shepard stood up, "Selfish? After all I have done-"

_"After all you have done and went through, you want your children to lose their mother before time?"_

"I already passed my time. Cerberus did that," Shepard said through her teeth.

_"And me."_

"And you."

_"And Liara."_

Miranda was satisfied when she saw Shepard's expression, which lasted for a second, but more than enough to Miranda to see it. She struck a nerve.

"I don't want to talk about it."

_"Fine. You were always stubborn. I don't see why you would change now. Maybe you are protecting her as well."_

"Did I stutter Lawson? I don't want to talk about it."

_"You will have to. Before it burns you out."_

"Yeah, it's like you know what exactly is bothering me."

_"I don't Shepard. But I would like to know. You know what they say? A problem shared is a problem halved."_

"Assuming that the person, with whom you share the problem, was in a similar situation or knows what are you going through," Shepard averted the gaze from the console and Miranda's curious look. "Everything else is bullshit."

Mike could still hear the muffled sound of their voices as he was halfway to his room. What did mom mean with 'her time passed'? But more importantly, why did Aunt Miranda think they would lose mom? Mike slide into his bed, his blanket wrapped tightly around him. Is mom going to leave them? Is that why she is sending them to summer camp? To get used to being alone? While thinking about the possible reasons mom would leave them, a dark thought came into his brain. Will mom die? She doesn't look sick, and she is exercising every day. But then he remembered how one of his classmates lost his dad after the war. Mike didn't understand, but as their teacher explained, some memories are too strong to live with. He hoped this isn't the case with mom. It couldn't be. She defeated the Reapers. She saved the galaxy. She was a hero. She was the strongest person he knew. But was that enough? Mike finally fell asleep that night, but only when his pillow was soaked with tears.

* * *

Thankfully, in the present, the argument between his sister and that boy, whose name Mike didn't remember, reached the boiling point, his attention now entirely on the fight between two hotheads.

"You take that back!"

"I told the truth. It's not my problem you can't take it," The boy smirked, which only triggered Addison. She rushed as fast as she could and tackled him. They both were now on the ground, wrestling, and trying to pull each other's hair. Addison at that moment realized that having long, loose hair is a significant tactical disadvantage.

As everyone circled them, watching the fight, Mike tried to stop them, but his voice didn't get through all the noise of screaming and cheering. It looked like they will fight for a while, before one girl, Gabby, told them to stop, "Jack! Stop it! Boris's dad is coming!"

Both Jack and Addison quickly stood up and cleaned any strands of grass they might have. Everyone sat in their former positions, and by the time Mr. Novak arrived, it looked like nothing happened. Besides the hateful glares Addison and Jack shot towards each other.

"Hey Mike, Addison, your mom called. She will be here in few minutes to pick you up. You should get your stuff."

Mike and Addison said their goodbyes to their friends (and enemies) and ran towards the house to pick up their bags and wait for mom and her friend.

 


	8. Prothean Lesson

 "Slow down!" Shepard yelled as Michael and Addison jumped out of the car and race towards the door. Liara smiled as Shepard disapprovingly shook her head. It's funny how parenting changes your perspective of the world. Given Shepard's past experiences and risking her life on a daily basis, it was strange to see her being overly cautious for somebody else. Liara would even dare to admit it was cute; no matter how the word sounded weird when put in the same sentence with Shepard.

Liara stepped out of the car and took in a deep breath, filling her lungs with fresh air. She felt relieved that the trip is finally over; now excitement took over, and she couldn't wait to be alone with Shepard. Taking in the surroundings, she can see that even the closest neighbor was far in the distance, and same as Shepard's house; separated from the main road with a long driveway, a small part of the porch and roof were visible, rest of it was hidden by trees or bushes. It was a big difference between this neighborhood and the one on the Illium, where Liara's apartment was. Here, houses were few and between, almost hidden from the rest of the world. It was not hard to imagine that one could freely walk around, without being seen or bouncing into someone else. Privacy was a luxury on Illium, while here it is the norm. And nature itself gave off a mystical vibe, making it all look like a dream. Illium had parks, but it couldn't even compare to the beauty radiating from the old trees in the nearby forest. There was also a massive oak, at least Liara thought it was an oak. She should ask Shepard later how old it was, but by the size of the trunk, at least few decades. A proud symbol of human resistance against the Reapers; survived against all the odds, showing strength and durability in most difficult of times. Maybe in the following days, she will sit down underneath its large branches and read a book or daydream. Something she didn't do in a long time.

"Enjoying the view?" Shepard's voice pulled her out of her thoughts, and Liara realized Shepard must have watched her all the time she was musing.

"It's beautiful here Shepard," she walked across the driveway to the car where Shepard was getting her bags. Wanting to take them, Shepard just waved her hand at her.

"I'll get it."

"You could at least let me help you."

"And what kind of host would that make me?"

"It almost feels like I'm on vacation and not visiting a friend."

"You are on vacation. I doubt you had one since you started that job of yours."

Liara almost countered that she was in fact, on vacation for a few times while visiting Earth, but that could only lead the conversation to treacherous waters, so she just stayed silent.

"So just relax and feel like you're at home."

"Not afraid I will take advantage of that?"

Shepard closed the trunk and faced Liara, "I'm hoping you would actually."

With that, she headed towards the house, with Liara slightly behind.

"Oh?"

There was a silence, and Shepard grabbed the knob of the front door but hesitated to push it open. Michael and Addison's voices could be heard from the inside as she stared at the door. Her knuckles were going white from holding the knob too hard. Liara wanted to say something, but Shepard finally spoke.

"I hope you will have a good time here, Liara."

Liara had a feeling that was not what Shepard wanted to say, but she didn't press her.

"I'm sure I will, Shepard. Thank you."

Shepard gave her a final glance before finally opening the door, and they both entered inside.

"Come. I'll show you around."

* * *

Liara woke up with a start. Looking around her, she was confused for a split second before realizing where she was. Quickly opening her omni-tool, she relaxed as the time show that she slept only for twenty minutes. She did not oversleep.

When Shepard showed her room, she instantly went to bed. She told herself that she would rest for a few minutes, but she underestimated how really tired she was from the trip and fell asleep. Now, somewhat awake, she got up, and throw her luggage bag on the bed. She better put her clothes in the closet now rather than later as she doubts she would have the energy and will to do it. She picked up her folded clothes, and put them on the shelve, running a hand to straighten any newly formed wrinkles. She made sure she put the ones she was planning to wear tonight on the left side of the luggage, and the rest made a neat stack of shirts, dresses, and pants.

After she finished, Liara sat on the edge of the bed, bringing her omni-tool to check her messages. She would deal with this tedious task now so that she can spend a calm evening with Shepard and her kids. She liked them. They didn't talk much when Shepard picked them up, but they were polite, and Liara was sure once they knew each other a little better, they would relax more. She opened her inbox and started reading her oldest message, but the sound of laughing made her reach to the window and look outside. Her window faced the backyard, revealing the lake in the distance. The sun started to go down, but it wasn't so dark. She could see Shepard playing with her kids; Michael was holding Shepard's leg, while Addison was on Shepard's back and holding on her neck. Liara at first didn't know what were they doing, but she laughed as Shepard was brought to her knee trying to free herself.

"Surrender!"

"Never!" Shepard exclaimed as she holds Addison's hands, trying to shake her off. This was now a very hard thing to accomplish; because Mike let go of her leg and taking a few steps back, charge into Shepard. Finally, she lost her balance and fell on the grass. Soon enough they were a laughing pile of mess.

For a moment, as she watched them having fun and seeing Shepard laughing with her children, made Liara feel as she was intruding a very private moment. The more she watched, the more it looked surreal. Involuntarily, she crossed her arms tightly over her body, hugging herself. She tried to fight it, but her mind raced a few years back.

 _She was on the Normandy, in her office. Going through the reports, finding scientists or hiring mercenaries who could help in the war. Anyone who could contribute in any way, she contacted. She threatened, bought, sell, manipulated. Anything or anyone that could help build the Crucible. As she was coordinating her agents, Shepard's voice came through her computer. They were on the mission, trying to find_ and _escort scientists from some husk filled colony. If Liara didn't come with Shepard, she made sure to listen to the communication channel. Even though sometimes it wasn't easy to listen, it was better than staying in the dark, not knowing if everyone was alright._

_"Still no sign of that group of scientists. EDI check with Traynor. Was the intel right?"_

_"Shepard, something isn't right here. It's too quiet," Garrus's voice could be heard, somewhere behind Shepard._

_There was a silence, only the sound of raindrops hitting the armor. It was not long before Shepard's voice come back._

_"Yeah. Stay alert. Garrus go up to that hill. Try and see if something is waiting for us."_

_"I'm on it."_

_Heavy footsteps ran past Shepard and quickly died._

_"This fucking weather," Shepard said more to herself than anyone else._

_"Alright, let's dig in here. James you and Ahlers find a good support position in case something goes wrong. EDI? Any updates?"_

_"Shepard, given your current position and the information we have, it seems that the Intel was only 97.5 percent accurate. But I did a quick scan of the area. There are buildings near your position, two miles to the north."_

_"Is there any sign of movement?"_

_"I will keep scanning, but nothing for now."_

_"Alright. Keep us updated EDI."_

_"We might be too late," Kaidan said._

_"Maybe, but we have to check it anyway. They might be hiding. Garrus can you see anything?"_

_"Nothing."_

_"Okay. You keep moving ahead but keep to higher ground. I don't want any surprises."_

_"Will do Shepard."_

_"Everyone else, on me. Scan the horizon and be careful. I have a bad feeling about this."_

_There was only a sound of footsteps and clanking of the armor and weapons as they walked. After some time, James's voice broke the silence._

_"It seems abandoned, Commander."_

_"Garrus, have a good view of us?"_

_"Yeah Shepard. I'm trying to see through the windows, but it's too dark."_

_"Keep your position there. Kaidan, James let's go inside, Ahlers keep the guard at the door, anything suspicious radio us. You got it?"_

_"Yes, ma'am."_

_"Let's do this. James open the door."_

_James pushed the heavy door, and it fell to the ground with a loud bang._

_"It's so dark…." Kaiden commented._

_"Come on. I'll take the point. Kaidan and Jame-"_

_"Shepard! Watch out!"_

_"Husks! Take cover!" As soon as Shepard said that she was thrown to the ground and Liara could hear how close the husks are to her. There was commotion around. Panicked voices interrupted with bullets hissing through the air. Garrus was probably doing his best to keep husks of them._

_"I can't get a clear shot! I'm rushing in! Cover me!" James yelled, but he didn't make it more than few feet when he was surrounded too. If he pushed forward, he would only get himself cornered._

_"We need evac Joker! Get your ass over here! Shepard is down!"_

_Kaidan's voice rushed through the Normandy._

_Liara couldn't take it anymore; she switched to cameras on their helmets, her monitor split in four. Shepard was covered in husks, at least three of them biting on her armor and helmet. The rhythm of hits on armor and painful grunts from Shepard made Liara's heart stop._

_She managed to release her omni blade and in one swift motion, cut the necks of the two, liquid smearing Shepard's camera._

_She was on her back, and more were coming._

_"Shit," Shepard muttered under her breath, and groaned as she was trying to get back on her feet, and with a little help of the biotics, she cleared the area around her so she could safely retreat. But she didn't. She looked at her crew. James and Kaidan were doing their best to keep them off, but Ahlers was down. Anger filled her, and she rushed into the horde. Ignoring the pain in her rib, she sliced with her omni blade and fired her gun, taking them down one by one. She managed to release a small shockwave into another group coming from the building, thinning them in the middle. Bullets slashed by as the husks affront of her fell down._ _Suddenly she was standing alone, surrounded only by the bodies of once-humans. Shepard looked at them, her gaze fixed on the lab coat on the ground. Kaidan was right. She was late._

_Later, when she returned to the Normandy, she skipped the medical check and headed straight to the bridge. Liara followed her, but she either didn't see her or ignored her completely._

_"Specialist, get me Alliance Command on the line. EDI mark the coordinates. Let them bomb this place. There is nothing there."_

_Liara gave a sympathetic glance to Traynor and followed Shepard to the War Room. She wanted to enter only to be stopped by the guard blocking the door._

_"Sorry, ma'am. Commander gave the order. No one can enter."_

_"I'm sure Commander will understand," Liara said as she tried to pass him._

_"I'm sorry ma'am," the guard repeated himself, "no one can enter."  
_

* * *

Liara stood by the window for some time looking in the distance. Lost in thought, she barely heard the soft knocking. She opened the door, with Shepard standing outside.

"Hey. I just wanted to tell you that dinner will be ready in twenty minutes or so," she stopped and gave a curious look to Liara, studying her.

"You can stay and rest if you are feeling tired..."

Liara leaned on the door. Shepard was confused for a moment as if she didn't know what to say or do next. And Liara's unbreaking silence didn't help.

"Do you like the room? I mean, is there anything you need? Like extra pillows or something? Or you can sleep in my room, and I will take this one?" Shepard stumbled around her words, firing questions so Liara would answer at least one of them and keep the conversation going. But instead of answering, Liara just moved a little bit to the side, inviting Shepard in. Shepard hesitated for a moment, but she entered and Liara closed the door behind her. Now standing in the middle of the bedroom she looked around as if this was her first time inside. She noticed the crumpled sheets on the bed.

"Did I wake you?" She asked as Liara passed by her and sat down on the bed. Shepard's eyes followed her fingers as they glided on the uneven surface of silk sheets.

"No. I was awake for some time now. Though I have to admit, I was afraid I overslept."

"No harm even if you did. As I said, you can stay and rest."

"It would only make my jet-lag worse. I will faster adapt to your time if I stay awake and fight it."

Shepard nodded, "Yeah. It will take you a day or two but I'm here to keep you company."

Not knowing what to say or do next, Shepard uncomfortably shifted on her feet before deciding it would be best to leave.

"Alright. See you downstairs then."

And with that, Shepard left the room, closing the door softly behind her. Liara took a few more minutes watching the dying sun before joining Shepard.

* * *

When she came downstairs, Liara found Shepard in the kitchen, her back towards her. Liara changed her clothes and reapplied makeup; just enough to blend any signs of tiredness and lack of sleep. Taking a few more steps, she reached Shepard.

"Need any help?" She asked as Shepard prepared the salad, mixing various spices, most of them Liara didn't really recognize, her lack of knowledge in culinary arts showing.

"Nope. Just finishing it. But you can pour us some wine."

Liara picked up the bottle next to her and read the label with some difficulty that made Shepard laugh.

"Here," she took the bottle from Liara, reading the label with a strange accent. She stopped for a moment before continuing, giving the wine the respect and admiration it deserves.

"Apparently it was first produced centuries ago, for nobles. In Italy, Tuscany. I don't know how much you are familiar with Earth's regions…."

"Not very much, I must admit."

"Well, the thing about Tuscany… There are acres of vineyards. You could get lost in those red and white grapes. Can you imagine it?" She had a pensive look in her eyes, standing so close to Liara but mentally miles ahead.

"The late summer sun in your face as you walk between the vines leaves softly touching your skin. The scent of grapes filling your nostrils, and you don't have to worry about a thing in the world. A heaven on Earth."

They were closer than before, her voice attracted Liara closer to her but their gaze broke when Shepard remembered where she was and made a step distancing herself from Liara.

"It took me a while to find a good bottle, given how I know shit about wine."

Why did she have to swear? Liara thought, disappointed how she ended her story.

"Anyway," Shepard sighed. "Can you pass me those two glasses?"

Liara put them on the counter between her and Shepard.

"I'm surprised you are knowledgeable about something else besides beer," Liara teased, and it made Shepard chuckle.

"I did my research. I know how you don't like beer so I wouldn't dare torture you the entire time," she said, raising her glass. They clinked their glasses and took a sip. As the ruby red liquid filled Liara's mouth, she closed her eyes, enjoying the pleasant taste bringing her to the place Shepard, just minutes ago described. She could imagine walking in Tuscany, even though she never saw it, but her mind combined the vineyards of Thessia with what Shepard described. Imagining her version of a place where there was not a problem in the world. When she opened her eyes, imagery disappeared even though the feeling stay. Now with Shepard satisfied smile welcoming her from the sensory jump.

"Good, right?"

Liara nodded and managed to utter a single word, "Beautiful."

Shepard returned to her salad mixing it even faster, so all the ingredients blend in more.

"It depends on how much time we will have, but I would like to take you there. We have a really tight schedule T'Soni."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. There are so many things I want to show you. But Earth is big, and I wouldn't want to tire you on your vacation. I mean, just say a word, and we can stay here-"

Liara rested her hand on Shepard's shoulder stopping her mid-sentence, "It doesn't matter if we stay here, in the house or explore every inch of this planet," Liara paused for a brief moment then continued, "as long as I spend my time with you."

That confession pulled a little smile on Shepard's face.

"You know what they say? Be careful what you wish for. I might bore you to death."

Liara removed her hand and took another sip of her wine.

"I doubt that Shepard. You are a very… interesting person."

"Well, as long as you don't plan to dissect me, I will take that as a compliment."

Liara wanted to say something, but her thoughts were interrupted by footsteps running down the stairs. It was Mike and Addison.

"Hey, guys. Ready for dinner?"

"Yeah, mom!" The little girl said while Mike slowed down and eyed Liara carefully. He probably didn't expect her to be down here. Even though she knew them for a few hours, Liara could already see for herself what Shepard told her back on Illium. In appearance, they weren't different, but the personality was another thing entirely. Michael was more cautious, and quiet; while Addison, on the other hand, was more adventurous and open. Liara tried to figure out which one of them was more like Shepard. But she quickly gave up on that and just decided that they are individual young humans, and trying to label them as more as one parent or the other was silly. After all, she rolled her eyes every time she was lectured how she must be more like her mother. Growing up as a daughter of a powerful Matriarch was a heavy burden to bear. A lot of expectations (most of which Liara didn't meet), only led to fights between them. Fight by fight until they didn't stop talking altogether. Even though Liara regretted that things between them ended up as they did, she didn't regret taking her path. She likes to think that going against her mother's wishes was one of the most courageous things she did in her life. And she was proud of that.

Liara approached the table and sat to Shepard's right side, with Mike and Addison across them. Michael avoided eye contact, while Addison slightly tilted her head and squinted her eyes as she studied Liara's face, probably trying to decide should she ask the question bouncing in her head. Liara took another sip of her wine, with a hope it will calm her down. Shepard put the last dish on the table and sit beside Liara. In the end, it wasn't the wine that calmed her down, but Shepard's reassuring smile.

* * *

Sitting on the porch, Liara watched the night sky. The dinner went well, despite its awkward start. Shepard, in the beginning, led the conversation, telling stories and things she and the kids did together. There were even some anecdotes from the Normandy, which Michael and Addison especially enjoyed. With Shepard's jokes and amusing storytelling, the atmosphere quickly went from uptight to relaxed. So relaxed that Addison even dared to ask her question.

"Why do your eyes turn black?"

Liara choked on her wine, blushing.

"Addison!"

"What? I saw it in the movie."

"You can't ask questions like that."

"Why not?"

"Because those things are personal and it's not polite."

"Why?"

"Addison..." Shepard gave a final warning, and Addison gave up.

"Fine," She said and continued playing with her vegetables.

Besides that little out of the blue question, the rest of the dinner went well. After the dinner Michael and Addison run to their rooms, to unpack the gifts Liara brought them. She could hear footsteps behind her and turning around; she saw a little boy approaching, not sure of himself. Liara offered a smile, and thankfully he gave one back, albeit a small one.

"Hello, Michael."

"Hi."

There was silence before Liara thought of what she could ask next.

"Do you like the book?"

"I do, but I would like to ask you something. About the protheans. Mom told me you know a lot about them." He fidgeted with his fingers. Shepard used to do that, in those rare times she would tell Liara what was bothering her.

"Come sit here," she gestured towards the chair across her. He was first unsure should he sit or stay at a safe distance, but ultimately he decided it would be impolite to refuse. When he sat, she asked him, "Well, what would you like to know?"

"Is it true that protheans were evil?"

Liara was surprised with this kind of question. She didn't expect he would ask something so difficult to explain to an eight-year-old.

"Do you think that they were evil?"

Michael was silent, thinking.

"I think so. If they weren't bad, why would they force every other species into slavery?"

"Michael that is an excellent question and a hard one to answer. But I think that they weren't bad. Nor good. They did what they thought was best for the galaxy."

"But mom says slavery is wrong!"

"And Shep- and your mom is right."

"But how can you say that they thought what they were doing was good for the galaxy?"

"It's more of a matter of perspective."

"What's a perspective?"

"A perspective is… a point of view. Is how you see things. We see slavery as a bad thing because we believe that every individual has a right to free will. Protheans, on the other hand, believed in survival of the fittest. The strongest of the species should rule over the weaker ones. In a way, they didn't have slavery as we know it. Just a strong structured hierarchy. Anyone could challenge them and took their place. Many tried and failed."

"It's just like when Addison orders me around. She is stronger, so she could do whatever she wants. Because she knows I can't win."

Liara let out a small chuckle, "Yes, something like that."

Michael shifted in his seat before asking another question.

"If they were the most advanced species, how come they lost against Reapers?"

"Because there was no diversity among them. There were many species in the Empire. But only prothean culture and way of life. They had one way of fighting and once Reapers find a weakness… they had no time to adopt. It was over quickly."

"But, if they were kinder to others, do you think they would win? Like we did?"

Liara looked away from Michael. Memories raced through her mind. What Shepard had to do to unite the galaxy. How she gambled with every decision, how she calculated with every life. Kill a squad of soldiers over here to save two scientists over there. Shuffle the lives of millions like a deck of cards, only in hope to keep the galaxy in the end. But the unity was short-lived. Broken promises and centuries-old distrust quickly turned the galaxy into the state worse than before. Too many voices for such a small space. She looked at Michael. He was a good child, still intact from the world. She would not allow her growing cynicism taint him as it did her. Because after all that she went through, somewhere deep inside, she still believes that there are good in people.

"Maybe. Kindness is a powerful thing, Michael."

He smiled and nodded. It looks like Liara watered down whatever doubts or concerns he had. In the corner of her eye, she saw a figure leaned against the doorframe.

"Shepard."

"How goes the prothean lesson?" Shepard asked, looking at her son.

"Oh, mom! She knows so much about the protheans, much more than you do!"

Shepard laughed, "I told you she does. Did you ask everything you want? It's pretty late, and you have to get up early tomorrow."

His face fell at that. It was clear he wasn't enthusiastic about the summer camp.

"Can I stay awake just a little longer, please? I want to read the book your friend brought me. Just a few pages? Please, mom?" He pleaded, but Shepard was unrelenting.

"No, sorry buddy. I already told Addison to go to bed. You will read the book tomorrow."

Michael didn't want to give up, so he looked towards Liara for help. Liara looked between Shepard and Michael. She didn't want to go against Shepard's parenting methods, but on the other hand, she saw herself in Michael. She used to read books past her bedtime, to her mother's great disapproval.

"Well, maybe just a page or two? So that he could get his excitement down? He would fall asleep easier." She looked at Shepard who was now standing with her arms crossed. She had an amused look on her face.

"Alright. Fifteen minutes Mike. And off to bed. Are we clear?"

"Yes! Thanks, mom!"

"You should be thanking aunt Liara here."

"Thanks, aunt Liara!" He started to run towards his room, but he stopped mid-track.

"Aunt Liara, if I have any more questions, and if you will have time, would you answer them?"

Liara smiled at his request. She didn't expect to be so well accepted by Shepard's children. And on her first day here! Well, at least with Michael. Addison looked like she didn't care. Except when she saw what Liara brought her, but even then she ran to her room to unpack the gift, and she only thanked Liara when Shepard reminded her.

"Don't worry Michael. Any questions you have, I will gladly answer them."

He smiled and looked at Shepard with excitement. With another set of thanks, he ran off to his bedroom, leaving Liara and Shepard alone on the porch. Shepard stood there for a moment before going back inside. Liara wanted to ask where she was going, but she could see Shepard stopped in the dining room, pouring more wine into Liara's glass and taking a glass for herself. When she returned she handed the wine to Liara and sat on the chair where Michael was.

"So," Shepard started, "You two seem to get along."

"I hope I didn't cross some lines suggesting he stays awake for a little while longer."

Shepard waved her hand at Liara, "No. Don't worry about it. I'm just glad you are getting along."

"Did you think we wouldn't?"

"I had my doubts. I mean not because of you, it's just Michael has trouble meeting new people and talking to them. But you proved to be an exception. I think he likes you."

"He's a very smart boy, Shepard. You must be so proud."

"I am."

"Do you think Addison will come to like me too?"

"Hm? Oh, don't worry about her. She might seem like she doesn't care or something, but is the opposite. She has a lot of friends. And I think she likes you, if she didn't she would be very vocal about it. Believe me."

"Then I'm glad I'm on her good side," as she took another sip of her wine she closed her eyes, tiredness overwhelming her. She felt as she would fall asleep, but she could feel Shepard watching her, so she opened her eyes to look at her.

"I shouldn't keep you up. You had a long day-" Shepard started to get up, but Liara quickly put her hand on Shepard's stopping her.

"Stay. I'm not that tired."

In truth, she was on the verge of falling asleep, but she would like to postpone the sleep as much as she could. She didn't want this evening to end.

"Alright. If you say so."

"How long did you stand there? Eavesdropping?"

"Long enough to realize how much you like to be a smartass."

Liara laughed at Shepard's teasing.

"You know I can't help myself."

"Yeah, especially when the topic is about the protheans. You should really write a book Liara."

"I would like to. But you know how Javik is. He is not really interested in helping me. And to be honest, I don't know how much I can trust him with what he's saying."

"You know, I can ask him to help you."

If Shepard asked, it was more than likely Javik would help, but she wouldn't gain any respect from him. And the idea of Shepard holding her hand like she was a child, just angered Liara.

"No. I must ask him myself because if you do, he won't cooperate as much. It has to be me."

For a moment, it looked like Shepard clenched her fists, but when Liara looked at her hands, they were relaxed. She probably imagined it.

"Well, if you change your mind…"

"Thank you, Shepard."

Shepard cleared her throat before answering, "No problem."

They spend a few more minutes in comfortable silence, enjoying the light summer breeze. But despite her great effort, Liara yawned.

"Ready for bed?"

"As much as I hate to admit it, yes."

"Go get some sleep Liara. You had a long day, and I need you to be rested for tomorrow."

"Really? For what?"

"It's a surprise," Shepard smiled.

They were both standing now, and really close to each other.

"Well, then I must be sure to get enough sleep so I can endure all the excitement you planned for tomorrow."

Shepard nodded and wished her a good night, and for a split second Liara wanted to hug her, but she quickly decided against it. It would be weird and that kind of thoughts could lead to awkward situations. She should have more control over herself.

"Good night, Shepard."

She gave her a small smile and left. Shepard stayed on the porch. For how long, Liara didn't know.


	9. Mysterious Smile

__"Finally," Shepard muttered as the final dish was washed and put away.  
She looked around and felt satisfied; the kitchen was clean, and the living room was in its neat form. Deciding that after a long day, she deserves some reward, she took one more bottle of cold beer and headed towards the living room. She threw herself down on the sofa and put her legs on the coffee table. Resting her head on the back of the couch, she closed her eyes. The day didn't begin so good, and there were spikes of tension, but now as she was relaxing in this dark, quiet room, she concluded that it was all worth it. Shepard's biggest concern was that kids wouldn't accept Liara. And it looked like it was Liara's fear too. But thankfully all went well. And now, Mike has someone to talk about more scientific topics. Shepard could discuss with him to some degree about the things that interested him, but he was a very smart boy. And while she understands the essence of what he was saying or asking, most of the time she didn't know how to bring the conversation to his level. She tried but talking to children, even her own, was one of the things Shepard was not practically skilled. She couldn't even count the awkward moments she had when some kids asked her for a photo or autograph.

Taking a deep breath, she felt more relaxed, and as the minutes' pass, she was starting to drift off. Just when she was on that thin line of awareness and sleep, a faint noise made her jerk, and she was on her feet. Her heart racing, she headed towards the source of the sound. Moving in the dark, silent as a ghost, she reached the staircase. Not sure where the sound is coming from, her first instinct was to check the kid's room. But another noise, this time a little louder, made Shepard snapped her head to her left, catching a small shadow with the corner of her eye. She raised her hand and used the omni-tool as a flashlight. Holding her breath, she carefully guided the light towards the small dark form.

"Michael!"

Shepard was glad that this time the shadow had a caster.

"What are you doing?"

Michael looked up, the faint light illuminating his face.

"I… I was thirsty. I'm sorry mom. I'll go back to bed," He said with a trembling voice and got up from where he was hiding.

''Hey,'' Shepard said softly, stopping him, "Is everything alright Mike?"

He shrugged his shoulders, avoiding his mother's gaze. Shepard sighed and walked back to the living room. Flipping the switch, the small lamp beside the couch turned on, and now she could see that his eyes were swollen and red.

Sitting down, she patted the seat beside her, "Come. Sit."

Michael hesitated for a moment, before sitting next to his mom. Shepard waited for him to tell her what was wrong but he was unusually quiet. Usually, it wouldn't take him so long to tell her what is bothering him.

"You know you can tell me anything right?'' Shepard said, encouraging him.

Again, nothing came from him, so she tried to hit the core of what was bothering him. What she think was bothering him anyway.

"Look, I know it's a big deal for you, going to this camp, and it is okay to be nervous…''

"I'm not afraid!" He snapped at her.

"Then what is it? Mike?" Shepard tried once again, more softly this time, ignoring his sudden outburst.

He turned his head, now finally looking her, and Shepard noticed a small tear running down his cheek.

"You are sending us to the summer camp just to get rid of us!"

"What?" Shepard whispered in disbelief.

"I heard what you said!" More tears are now escaping his eyes.

"What are you talking about Michael? I never said…"

Michael was fighting for air now, anger and sadness overwhelmed him, barely speaking the words out.

"You said that we need to grow up, so you can return to active service! And we are going to lose you, just like some kids from the school lost their parents after the war! You don't even love us."

He was now sobbing, and Shepard didn't know what to say. She was shocked.

She tried to recall when did she say something like that, but her brain didn't cooperate.

"Michael, I would never leave you," Shepard said, reaching out to him. "Never."

"You are a liar!" Michael couldn't even comprehend how much that accusation stung Shepard.

"Look, Mike, what I said…" she paused for a moment, her eyes froze on the picture across the room. A picture of Miranda and the kids. She felt ashamed because she didn't mean it like that. How could she explain this to him without hurting him more?

"This is what I talked with aunt Miranda a few weeks back isn't it?"

He nodded in response, wiping away his tears with the back of his hand.

"I didn't mean it like that. When I said I want you to go to summer camp, it wasn't to get rid of you, so I could run away somewhere and leave you two alone. My only reason for sending you to this camp is for you two to have some fun over the summer. Remember how bored you were last year? And the thing about me working more… I promise I won't return to active service until you are much much older."

"Promise?"

"Promise. And just you wait. A few years from now, I will get on your nerves so much; you will just wait I go away and leave you alone."

"I don't want you ever to leave."

Shepard smiled and hugged him. She wanted to say something along the lines that she will always be with them like in some cheesy movie, but deep inside her she knew it would be a lie, and she doesn't want to taint the moment with lies.

They sit there for some time, Mike snuggled closer, and Shepard put her arm around him.

"Will you read me a story mom?"

"It is a little late, but I think we have time for a short one."

She smiled and walked towards the small bookshelf in the corner. She traced the books until her finger didn't stop on a small purple one. She gently pulled the book and showed it to Michael.

"How about this one? Alice in Wonderland?"

Michael tilted his head, considering the suggestion.

"Is that about the little girl that fell down the rabbit hole, and meet the talking cat?"

"Yeah. And about all the adventures she had while she was down there."

"Alright," Mike happily agreed, and Shepard joined him on the sofa, and start reading. It was not long until Mike rested his head on Shepard's arm, and she could feel by the way his breathing slowed that he fell asleep.

_Alice asked the Cheshire Cat, who was sitting in a tree, "What road do I take?"_  
_The cat asked, "Where do you want to go?"_  
_"I don't know," Alice answered._  
_"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't really matter, does it?"_

She closed the book, and with some difficulty, put it on the table. Picking Mike up, she carried him to his room. She carefully put him on his bed, covering him with the blanket. She reached down and placed a kiss on top of his head.

"I want to sit in a tree," Mike muttered in his sleep, and Shepard smiled to his confession, stroking his hair.

She walked across the room where Addison was sleeping and kissed her too before leaving the room. Stopping in the doorway, she looked at her children one more time. She reminded herself how lucky she was. Those two beautiful children are all she has in this world, the only thing preventing her from going back. But still, no matter how much she loved them, there was a shadow lingering behind her, that she kept fighting for a long time now. Guiding her hand towards her gun, the scent of smoke, violence, and death filling her nostrils. That need to be there, to feel the blood splashing against her armor… To feel it again.

She told Mike that she would never leave them, a promise made just to ward off little boy's fears. A promise that will be broken one day. She could only hope that a mother inside her will be stronger than that. For a few more years if nothing else. After all, there are few things more powerful than a promise kept. Or so she heard.

* * *

Liara sat on the bench, while the little human beside her was walking back and forth, here and now hitting the ground with a stick she found. She was bored out of her mind, and Liara didn't know what to do. She didn't communicate with Addison as much she did with Michael, and she couldn't judge what she thinks of her. So she prayed that Shepard would return here soon.

"Are you excited about the summer camp?"

"How long do we have to wait?" Addison ignored her question entirely, and Liara felt stupid for asking. Maybe not forcing anything would be the best course of action. Looking behind her, she could see that Shepard and Michael are still talking with some woman. The woman wore khaki shorts and shirt, and it looked like some odd uniform. She asked something, and Shepard pointed towards Liara and Addison with her hand. The woman had a smile from ear to ear, and she waved towards them. Liara awkwardly lifted her hand. Shepard's lips twitched in amusement at the interaction.

"I don't know." she finally answered.

Addison groaned and continued hitting the ground. She suddenly stopped and started to examine the stick.

"Are you a biotic?"

"I am."

"Can you show me?"

"I suppose I can," she started carefully, "what do you want to see?"

Addison lifted the stick above her head.

"Can you break it in half? But just with your biotics. No cheating!" Addison warned, and put the stick on the ground.

"Alright," Liara chuckled and with a bit of concentration, blue glow emitted from her skin until her hand was surrounded. With a slight movement, she focused her energy on the stick. Slowly she levitated it in front of Addison, who was looking at the whole process with her mouth slightly open. Adding a little bit of a dramatic effect she slightly rotated it as if she was studying every inch of it, looking where it could easily break. Pausing for a moment, the stick stopped turning and now was just levitating in the air. Liara clenched her fist and the stick break in two falling back to the ground just at Addison's feet.

"That was so cool!" Addison exclaimed, picking the two sticks from the ground, studying it. Liara would lie if she said she didn't feel proud herself.

"I wish mom would do this more often. She doesn't like using her biotics that much."

"Why not?"

Liara already knew the answer to that question. Shepard didn't take easily the news that Cerberus put the implant, giving her some biotic powers. And Liara wasn't sure she liked that either. Even though it gave Shepard some advantage on the battlefield, Cerberus gave her that extra part without her consent. When Liara expressed her concerns to Miranda, especially when she promised that they would bring Shepard back as she was, Miranda quickly dismissed it and explained that Shepard could use every help she can against the Collectors. No matter how true that was, she could only imagine how Shepard felt. But Shepard was a soldier. She quickly stopped questioning it, and with a few weeks of training, she was rather good at it. Her powers were significantly limited in comparison to others biotics, but in the combination of her other abilities, it made Shepard a killing machine in the battle. Liara's only regret was that she couldn't be there to help her.

"She said her head hurts if she uses them too often. I think she showed us once or twice."

Not knowing what to say, Liara just nodded.

"Does your head hurt too?" Addison asked, looking at Liara with curiosity.

"No, not really. You see I am an asari and-"

"Then you can show my mom how to do it! So that her head doesn't hurt!"

"I'm not sure your mom would like that."

"Why not?"

As soon as she said that, Addison looked behind Liara. Following Addison's gaze, Liara turned around and almost bumped her head into Shepard. Luckily she quickly stepped to the side.

"What I wouldn't like?" Shepard asked, acting as if she just didn't hear the conversation.

"You would like it! Your friend could show you how to use your biotics so that your head doesn't hurt."

"The truth is Addison, Liara here is far more talented than I am," Liara blushed a little, and she hoped Shepard didn't notice, although Addison gave her a peculiar look, "so just showing me wouldn't help much. Now, did you check your things, nothing left at home?"

Addison rolled her eyes, "I did mom. Twice."

Suddenly the voice of that woman drawn the attention of the group and they all turned to the parking lot where the bus was waiting.

"Please everyone make one single line!" A woman in khaki's shouted, "The sooner we start the sooner you'll be on your big adventure!"

Liara saw Shepard roll her eyes. She had an expression on her face as if she was chewing some big, overly sweet, bubblegum. Addison had a similar expression just a few minutes ago.

"Looks like it's time,'' Shepard said. "Ready to go, Mike?"

He nodded, and Shepard pulled him into a hug.

"Remember, I'm just a call away. I'm proud of you."

"Let's go!" Addison said impatiently and started to walk towards the bus. Before she disappeared into the crowd, Shepard grabbed her by the bag.

"Not so fast," she picked her up. "You be good, alright? And watch out for each other. If you need anything…"

"Don't worry mom." Addison reassured her, "We will be fine. And put me down! My friends are here!"

Shepard chuckled and placed a kiss on Addison's cheek.

"Ugh! Mom!"

She put her down, "I'm sorry. Didn't want to embarrass you. Since you are all grown up."

Mike joined Addison and saying the final goodbye's to Shepard and Liara they entered the bus. It was not long until all of them were inside. The windows were full of children waving to their parents as they drove away. Most of the parents left as soon as the bus left off, only a few remained to talk to other parents. But Shepard watched until the bus was nothing more than a little dot on the horizon. Liara put her hand on Shepard's shoulder, offering comfort. And to her big surprise, Shepard put her hand on top of Liara's and held it there for a second or two before giving a light squeeze and lowering her hand back to her side. It didn't last long, it didn't feel as some walls crumbled down, but Liara did manage to catch a glance through one small crack.

* * *

"Why is she smiling like that?"

"Like what?"

"Here," Liara took Shepard's hand, "stand here. And look at her."

"Okay. I'm standing and looking at the painted woman. Really looking."

Liara crossed her arms.

"You can joke all you want, but she," Liara accusingly pointed the finger at the painting, "has a creepy smile."

Shepard laughed at Liara's accusation, "Maybe she has some personal vendetta against you."

"You can't deny she has a weird smile. Like she's hiding something." Liara was now standing closer to the painting studying the lines of the woman's mouth.

"I wonder what the artist wanted to say painting her like this?"

Shepard sighed. They were in this art gallery for hours now, and Liara took her time. Which was fine, after all, this is for her, but Shepard planned a few more places to visit today. If they continue with this pace, they would be in the gallery until closing time. Not to mention, that Shepard didn't understand art, so she couldn't participate in Liara's analysis. At best Shepard made an observation about the colors used, and at worst, (which was more often) she just nodded and put her yeah-i-totally-understand-what-you-are-saying face when Liara was explaining something. Nonetheless, it was enjoyable watching her how enthusiastically she went from painting to painting.

"Does it have to be a deeper reason for everything? Maybe he just wanted to paint someone."

"Hm."

She was so focused that she didn't hear Shepard coming closer and almost jumped as she whispered, "Or maybe she's smiling like that because she knows your deepest darkest secrets."

"Well, jokes on her. I don't have any secrets."

Shepard just narrowed her eyes at Liara, "You know that is the exact thing someone with a secret would say."

"And what about your secrets?" Liara asked half serious. "Care to share one?"

"Just one?" Shepard was trying to continue the playful tone, but Liara could see that her expression changed.

"So you have more than one? Who would say that our Commander Shepard is such a mysterious woman."

Not a moment after the words left her mouth Liara realized her mistake.

"Sorry. I guess I'm not used to calling you Captain."

Liara apologizing for such a trivial matter made Shepard chuckle.

"It's alright."

"Does it bother you?"

Shepard shook her head slightly and returned her focus to the painting.

"Not really no. I mean, some people make a mistake and I sure as hell correct them. But for the ordinary people and kids, well, I think I'm still Commander Shepard," there was a small pause before she continued."I think people just made a big deal of everything."

"Shepard... heroes was what we needed. What we still need. Is it such a bad thing to be one?"

"Don't you think you are exaggerating a little?"

"I was there, remember? And honestly, I think we should talk more about it."

Shepard scoffed at that.

"Is it a burden?" Liara asked, but Shepard didn't answer. They stood there for some time, both watching the smiling woman. It was Shepard who broke the silence.

"Should we go to the next one or are you still trying to decide what is she smiling about?"

"We are not going anywhere until you tell me one of your secrets."

Shepard turned and started walking away. Liara had a good feeling that Shepard was hiding a smirk.

"You can be really persistent you know that?"

Liara shrugged her shoulders,"Perks of being curious I would say."

"Well," Shepard commented offhandedly, "all good things to those who wait."

"Indeed," Liara said more to herself than to Shepard before joining her, leaving the mystery of a smiling woman behind her.

After wandering around the gallery for an hour or two, Shepard suggested they get some lunch. They hardly ate this morning; Shepard was too occupied with getting Michael and Addison ready, and Liara slept longer than she planned. Shepard even insisted that Liara stays, and rest but Liara didn't want to hear about it. She wanted to see kids off. Liara wasn't sure, but she got the impression that Shepard was happy that Liara came with them.

The lunch was a simple one, in a small restaurant just across the art gallery. And if Liara had to admit she enjoyed being there, despite being different from the high-class restaurants she was used to. It was the type where nobody cared how you look, liberating in a way. Only the food could improve. Shepard seemed relaxed too. There were not many people, and they had their privacy. They stayed for a good hour and a half just talking about everything before they decided it was best to head to final destination today; to the museum.

But it was almost as if they weren't there; their focus was more on having fun than actually looking at the relics. But Liara noticed a small model of a pyramid, and her interest perked up, and her scientific side rose once more. Luckily for Shepard, this was a topic she knew at least something about.

At least she wouldn't think I'm a complete idiot.

"It's remarkable how different yet similar we are," she mused, studying the model in her hands, "Protheans also had similar structures."

"Did you know that once we thought that aliens helped us build the pyramids? I mean some thought that."

"Why would they think that?" Liara asked.

"Because they thought there was no way humans could build the pyramids. That was impossible."

"They?"

Shepard sighed, "Yeah. Conspiracy theorists. They also thought the moon landing was fake. Sure as hell proved them wrong."

Shepard took the brochure from the stand and walked to the railing overlooking the entrance of the museum. Leaning against it, she watched as the small group entered the building. They started to laugh about something but quickly stopped when the old woman scolded them. Humiliated, they walked away as if they committed the most gruesome crimes of them all. Shaking her head the old lady resumed her patrol, walking from stand to stand watching for any misplacement or rule-breakers.

"Funny right? We do something remarkable, and some people diminished it. Giving credit to some external force."

Liara joined her, and Shepard continued, "There is something captivating in achieving the impossible, you know? Building something like that," Shepard said, taking the pyramid from Liara's hands, sliding the fingers over its edges. "With limited technology, resources, and manpower. I think that is something worthy of respect."

Shepard put the pyramid on the railing between herself and Liara and started to play with the brochure in her hand. Rolling and unrolling it in perfect rhythm. Liara stared at Shepard's hands, captivated with motion they did.

"But isn't that what you humans are? Always looking to achieve something impossible. And it seems to me, that you are reaching for it just for the thrill of it."

Shepard calmed her hands and locked her eyes with Liara's.

"To be the best. And if the process yields something good for humanity, even better. But, I think, that prestige is what you are after. To create, to become..." she tilted her head, the gaze now even more intense. "To live forever. On paper, rock or plain memory."

She looked away and let out a nervous laugh while massaging the back of her neck, "Or so I've heard. What the other species think about humans. Not that I was extensively analyzing your behavior, there were just some studies I've read-"

"You know," Shepard stopped her rambling, "Samara said something similar. That if there were three humans in the room, there would be four opinions. Or something like that. Less poetic than yours but, you know, the same thing."

"And she was right. That's why some consider humans the most dangerous species in the galaxy. You are complicated and can do anything you put your mind to."

"Hm," Shepard hummed, returning her gaze to the entrance hall.

"You don't agree?"

"I just think that generalization can be a dangerous thing."

"How would you describe yourself, then?"

"Didn't I just said I don't like labeling T'Soni?" Shepard playfully hit Liara's arm with the rolled brochure. It was so unexpected that it made Liara laugh. It was so refreshing seeing her like this, she thought. It reminded her how she missed this Shepard. Shepard was always a military type, but there was a time when she was more accessible, gentle.

"We are just talking. Not putting serial numbers on anyone. And I would really like to hear your opinion."

"Why?" Shepard crossed her arms, and Liara smiled at Shepard's defensiveness.

"I'm just curious."

"Curiosity killed the cat you know."

"I don't know about the cat," Liara started with a playful tone, "but my curiosity helped me realize you know too many idioms."

Shepard raised her eyebrow and stepped back a little, acting offended, "Look, I can read books too. I'm smart you know." She tapped her temple.

"And besides-"

Shepard didn't have a chance to finish, because, as she was pointing the brochure towards Liara to emphasize her point, she knocked the small pyramid off the railing. Both Liara and Shepard reached out to catch it, but it was too late, they could only watch as the little pyramid fall. It looked like it was falling in slow motion, ending its journey with a loud bang, shattering on the floor. Luckily it missed the old lady downstairs, but only for a few inches. Shepard sighed in relief. Nobody got hurt. But the old lady didn't share the same view of what disaster is. Looking up at the pair, her eyes narrowed, filled with anger. And that anger was pointed at Shepard who muttered the first word that came to her mind, "Shit."

"Shepard, we should go and apologize-" Liara stopped mid-sentence, looking at the old lady now walking up the staircase, and towards them, her fury growing with each step. Shepard pulled her hand, "Let's go!"

Despite her better judgment, Liara let Shepard pull her down the hallway, and into the small room.

"We should be safe here," Shepard said proudly after she made sure the old museum guardian didn't see them and closed the door. She faced Liara, who was standing behind her with her arms crossed.

"Really Shepard? Running from an old lady?" Shepard wasn't sure if Liara was teasing or scolding her. Maybe it was both.

"Tactical retreat. Not running." Shepard corrected her.

"Because the old lady is a serious threat."

"Never underestimate your enemy, Liara."

She looked around the room. There was some kind of projector stand and chairs in front of it.

"So, what are we going to do now? Hide here until everyone goes home?"

Shepard sit on one of the chairs in the last row, "Relax Liara. We will be here for a minute or two until that old hag forgets about us and then-"

Suddenly the door opened, and the group of visitors entered with a museum staff at the helm.

"Alright, everyone please get seated! We will start with the vid about- oh." He stammered, noticing the human and an asari in the room. He was confused for a second but quickly recovered.

"Are you waiting for the education vid about the process of mummification?" he asked in a professional voice.

Liara and Shepard looked at each other and then nodded.

"Good! It will start in a minute! Make yourself comfortable," he said and left to prepare the video. Liara sat next to the gloomy Shepard.

"Great," she whispered. "We are stuck."

"Better than to apologize and take responsibility for your actions right?"

"It was an accident!"

Liara wanted to say something to that, but the man walked towards them.

"Since you were not from the beginning with this group, I have to warn you as I did them. This will be a little graphic, nothing too bad, but if you feel uncomfortable at any point…"

"I think we can handle it," Shepard said, annoyed. She gave a very forced smile which made the man return to his position, and in return, Shepard earned a disapproving glare from Liara.

"Alright. Everyone seated? Good. Good," he rubbed his hands as everyone found their seat. "I will first play the vid, and then we will have some time for questions. Ready?"

Most of the visitors nodded and the video start.

If Shepard had to be entirely fair, the history of mummification and the meaning of it was entertaining.

But then came the other half. The vid turned off, and the hologram of a body appeared with several priests standing around it. As the guide played it, the models came to life. The voice of the narrator filled the room.

_"As the ancient Egyptians believed in the afterlife, mummification was the process that helped them achieve it. The ancient Egyptians believed that intact bodies were vital for rebirth and the dead person should reclaim its own body, which had to be recognizable as much as possible. Due to the mummification being a costly procedure, only wealthy citizens could afford it."_

But what about the poor ones? Probably thrown in the ditch or in the Nile to get eaten by the crocodiles. Shepard had to use all her inner power not to start laughing.

_"The citizens who couldn't afford the mummification were buried in hot sands of the desert. In most cases, the hot and arid weather produced superior preservation results than the embalming of the upper class."_

In the hologram, as far as could Shepard say, a mask of some animal appeared. It looked like a dog.

_"The chief embalmer was a priest wearing a mask of Anubis; a jackal-headed god of the dead. As the priest oversee, the embalmers wash the body with palm wine, and rinse it with the water from Nil."_

The models shifted again, and now the audience had a better view of the body and the priests. As the narrator spoke, so the models wash and cut the body.

_"Cutting the left side of the body, the embalmer removed the internal organs; liver, stomach, and lungs were washed and packed in natron so they could dry. The heart was left in the body, as the Egyptians believed that man's heart is the center of intelligence and feelings and that the man may need it in the afterlife."_

As the image showed cutting the flesh and removing the lungs, Shepard started to feel uneasy. There was not enough air in the room. Her vision began to blur, and throat was going painfully dry, she resisted the urge to grasp her throat in an attempt to relieve the pressure. The image shifted again, now fully showing the head.

_"A long hook is used to smash the brain and pull it out through the nose."_

The words died off, and Shepard's eyes widened, the focus was entirely on the hologram, black tunnel conquering her vision until there was complete blackness. Shepard couldn't tell how long the dark lasted, but she could feel her body going more tense, slowly losing control. Suddenly she could see again, but she wasn't in the room with the others anymore. The bright light is burning her eyes. She was lying down somewhere, the only noise she heard was the beeping of the medical instruments, imitating a heartbeat. Shadows loomed above her, shifting from the other end of the room to another. Some were taking various shapes before disappearing. Where... where is she? All of a sudden, multiple voices surround her, all at once, overlapping each other, storming through her brain. It was as if she was watching a movie inside her head.

_"...reacting…. awareness…she's going into cardiac arrest… call Admiral Hackett; we found her...not enough supplies… dozens of soldiers for one… viable asset… Alliance... she's not ready yet... we need to clear the airway... brain activity of the charts we… do it... I told you she wasn't ready!"_

The loud voice filled Shepard's head, and her eyes jerked open, regaining focus. She looked around, and she needed a few seconds to realize that she was back. Everyone was still watching the vid, but she could feel the burn of someone watching her. Liara.

_"...there his heart will be judged by his good deeds on earth. If his heart is found to be pure, he will be sent to live for all eternity in the beautiful 'Field of Reeds'."_

She turned away from Liara, avoiding her eyes. She couldn't stand to watch her, or any living being for that matter.

"Shepard is everything-" Liara didn't manage to finish her sentence before Shepard cut her off.

"I need to use the bathroom. I will be right back."

"Shepard," Liara tried once more, but Shepard was already at the door and out.

Not bothering to close the door behind her, she tried to remember where she saw the bathroom. Following her instincts, she hurried towards the end of the hallway, and down the stairs. In the hazy state of her mind, she ignored the people she bumped into it. She was led with only one goal; to run away and be alone. The presence of others choke her, and she tried to avoid eye contact as much as possible because every single one of them pierced her brain. She felt as if her brain will explode inside her skull. She rushed into the bathroom, and before she could close the door, she spotted a woman applying her makeup. Shepard didn't know why but panic filled her even more, and she was on the verge of passing out. With the remaining strength, she reached the woman, and said to her in raspy low tone, "Get out."

The woman put down her makeup, ready to argue, but as soon as she saw the intruder, she changed her mind and just stared at her. In shock or fear, Shepard couldn't tell and didn't really care. She needs to be alone right now, and this woman denies that need. Shepard grabbed and threw her makeup towards the door, now finally looking at the frozen woman. With all ounce of control, she could muster, she restrained herself from grabbing the woman by the neck and throwing her out herself.

"Move!" She yelled this time, and thankfully the woman nodded and took her bag and run out, forgetting the shattered makeup box on the floor. The door slammed, and Shepard quickly turned the water on, splashing her face with icy cold water. It took a minute or so, but she started to feel like herself again. Leaving the water running she watched as the droplets from her face fall in the whirlpool and disappearing. It felt like she was running, but no matter how fast she runs, the world didn't budge, and she was stuck in this infinite cycle.

"Captain Shepard, Alliance marine, N7 special forces, service number 5923-AC-2826…"

She repeated over and over until she didn't feel better enough to look herself into the mirror. She stared at the woman looking at her. Pale, with scars now noticeably more red than they were this morning. She looks like a monster. And to think things went so well today.

"Why do I even bother?" she whispered to herself. She wanted to touch the reflection in the mirror, but the knocking on the door stopped her.

_"Shepard?"_

She doesn't want that Liara sees her like this. The idea that she has to talk about what happened sickens her. But her options are somewhat limited. Either she will open the door, or hide in the bathroom. Thankfully, she still has some dignity left. Splashing her face one more time, she turned off the water.

"Just a minute!"

Wiping her face dry, she took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Shepard-" Liara noticed how she looked. How couldn't she? Sometimes Shepard felt that Liara knows more than she gives her credit for.

Shepard cleared her throat before asking, "Is the vid over?"

Liara just nodded. At that moment, for whatever reason, Shepard felt closer to Liara. Even though she couldn't understand everything, she understood enough not to ask questions which Shepard won't answer. And that was what Shepard needed. That simple thing. Offering her a small smile, because that she could do, Shepard said, "Come on. Let's get something to drink."


	10. Gardenia

Liara smiled as she felt the warmth of the early sunlight on her face. Rolling over, she reached for the watch on the nightstand. Seeing that is still very early, she tried to fall asleep again, but she quickly gave up. Getting up, she felt a little chilly just in her gown, so she put her night robe, she carefully closed the door of her bedroom and headed to the kitchen to make herself some tea. Opening the cupboard, she looked for the tea Shepard provided her.

 _"I wasn't sure what kind you like so I took a few of them,"_  Shepard told her.

Liara smiled at the neatly arranged boxes; from fruity to herbal, there was at least one brand from almost every species in the galaxy. Even the one made by the Vorcha.

_Really Shepard?_

Curious, she opened the box to smell the tea bag. She didn't recognize the plant it's made from, but sweet scent surprised her. She didn't expect it to smell so nice. But still, she returned the tea bag in the box and pushed it far back. Maybe she will try it one day. Today, she will try the human-made tea. After all, she is on Earth isn't she?  
She picked up a tea bag and put it in a mug. Waiting for the water to boil, her mind wandered to the previous day. How it was nice to spend some time alone with Shepard. After all this time, being alone and talking with Shepard, joking with her and even seeing a glimpse of her past self, made Liara extremely happy. But as per their tradition, it didn't last for long.

She noticed something was wrong when she heard Shepard was taking shallow, rapid breaths. When she turned to look at her, there were droplets of sweat on her forehead and her eyes focused on one point, unmoving as there was no life behind them. Like she was petrified. Shepard snapped out of it when Liara called her, only to storm out of the room like some rabid beast being chased.

When Liara finally found her, she was pale, and if there weren't for her scars glowing furiously, she would look like a ghost. That outburst only reminded Liara, that Shepard had some demons to fight. Whenever those demons were the product of Cerberus or the Reapers or something else from Shepard's past, Liara did not know, but Goddess how she wanted to ask her what was wrong, to let her confide in her, so she could help her. Shepard's mind was a secret, the only one in the galaxy Liara couldn't reach.

Maybe it was for the best that she didn't press things. It was not the time, and she could tell Shepard was grateful for that. Even if she did ask, Shepard would probably avoid the question, like she always did;

_"I'm fine, Liara."_

_"Nothing is wrong."_

Or if Liara were lucky, she would get a longer answer, albeit a teasing one.

_"What do you mean? I don't know what you are talking about. You sound a little paranoid. Did you skip your psych evaluation? Maybe you should talk to Doctor Chakwas?"_

And Shepard would smile and continue with whatever she was doing as nothing happened. So after several failed attempts, Liara gave up and stopped asking her. If she doesn't trust her, there is not much Liara could do. It pained her, after all that they went through, they are still cautious around each other. Liara cared about Shepard, but the yesterday's outburst wasn't the only one, and some part Liara fear it won't be the last. So maybe her father is right. Being cautious when dealing with Shepard would be a smart thing to do.

She sighed. Liara could study Shepard all her life, but she will still be a big enigma for her. Maybe that veil of mystery she surrounded herself with, not allowing just everyone to see the real her, made Shepard so dangerously attractive to Liara. On some primordial level, it almost made Liara feel like a huntress. But what excatly was she chasing? Shepard or her secrets?

Liara shook her head. There is no point in analyzing Shepard's behavior or her own for that matter. If Liara had to guess, Shepard would not open herself anytime soon. Maybe, just maybe she will try to explain her outburst with some excuse, which Liara would accept no matter how stupid it sounds because she could only imagine how it must be difficult for Shepard to talk about something like that. For now, she will not press anything and just let Shepard know that she is there for her.

The water started to boil, and she poured it into the mug. Taking her tea, she headed to the living room to watch some morning news and maybe to answer some emails she ignored last night. But her attention was drawn to the shelves above the television. On them, there were a few picture frames. All of them had Addison and Michael with several people. Some Liara didn't recognize.

For a split second, Liara was hit with a pang of jealousy or regret; she wasn't sure. She missed so much. There was no picture of her. And why would there be? They didn't talk for years; it was unrealistic to think Shepard would have her picture somewhere. But still, no matter how logical that sound, it still hurt. One more thing that Liara noticed was that there was no picture of Edward. It seemed odd to Liara. Even though she wasn't familiar with the human grieving process, but wouldn't one have everything that reminds them of the loved one nearby? Her tea was getting colder as she was thinking about it, and only the sound of someone opening the front door made her snap out of her thoughts.

"Shepard?"

"Hey. You're awake," Shepard said, surprised. She closed the door behind her. "Did I wake you up?"

Shepard had a tank top and shorts on her, sweat mark spreading from the top of her chest down to her stomach. Liara remembered she was still in her night robe, so she subtly adjusted her night robe, trying to feel less self-conscious.

"I thought you were still asleep."

Shepard walked over to the kitchen, "Nah. Sometimes I wake up early and go for a run."

Opening the refrigerator door, her head disappeared as she looked inside.

"There is this route I take, it goes through the woods and eventually leads you to the other side of the lake. I like to go there," she emerged with a bottle of water before closing the door with her leg. "It helps me think." She explained before taking a large gulp of cold water.

Liara sat on the couch, tucking one of her legs under her.

"Do you do that often?" Liara asked as soon as she felt comfortable enough.

Shepard arched her eyebrow in confusion, "What? Running or thinking?"

"Both."

"Well, I exercise whenever I can. It's my job to be physically fit you know? And for the thinking part… I don't know. I mean it's not like I'm keeping a diary or something."

Waiting for Liara to respond she reached out for an apple and knife and started cutting it into small slices.

"I think that is a good habit," Liara finally said after taking a sip of her tea, making a face at how cold it was.

"What about you T'Soni? Hit the gym now and then?"

"No. I'm a huge advocate of meditation and yoga."

Shepard rolled her eyes.

"What?"

"I don't consider meditation or yoga as exercises."

"Meditation is not meant for muscle building Shepard."

"Yeah, I know. It's just that some people claim that it is. Like pilates for example. You jump on a big ball for forty minutes? Give me a fucking break."

Liara imagined Shepard in a room full of people meditating or doing pilates, utterly relaxed and happy, with grumpy Shepard standing in the corner, her arms crossed watching them all in disgust. She laughed at the image.

"And you feel superior just because you have a different idea what a good exercise is?"

"Yes, I do," Shepard said with a hint of arrogance.

Liara just shook her head and smiled at Shepard's amusing ignorance.

"If I had to be honest, sometimes I do get the urge to run until my legs fall off."

"I know that feeling," Shepard said as she took a slice of the apple and put it in her mouth.

"Why don't you join me tomorrow then?"

"Where? Running?"

Shepard nodded her head.

"I'm not sure Shepard, I'm not exactly-"

"Come on. It will be fun. We will take it at a slower pace. Besides, I wanted to show you that part of the lake anyway."

"I didn't bring any running shoes-"

"We'll go and buy them."

With no other excuses left, Liara had no other choice than to agree.

"Oh fine. But if I get a heart attack, it will be your fault," Liara said and stretched.

Shepard looked up and forgot what she wanted to say. Liara's hands were above her head, fingers interlaced, pushed far from her body. From there, her gaze traveled down her arms and to her neck, which was more exposed as her head was resting on her arm. Reaching the middle of her body, Shepard realized a few things; first and foremost, Liara is a liar.

There is no way she has that kind of body without some exercise. Her abdomen was flat, and although she was wearing a night robe, she imagined that her abdomen might be a bit muscular. It was a thin, silk night robe, so she didn't have to overwork her imagination. And that line of thought made Shepard wonder; was she wearing anything else underneath?  
And the second and most unexplainable thing, she realized only later, when she was thinking about it, is how she couldn't stop her eyes from sliding down her body, following the curve of her thigh and ending just a little above the knee, where her robe no longer protect her skin. Even from where she was standing, she could see how soft her skin looks. She must use some kind of moisturizer to keep her skin healthy. And there were none of those scaly things on her legs. Like the ones, she has scattered around the back of her head. Are they somewhere else on her body, on the back maybe? Shepard wondered how they feel when the sensitive fingertips connect with those little…

"Fuck!"

Shepard cried in pain and looked at her finger where the cut is separating her skin, and crimson red showed in the middle.

"Is everything alright?" Liara got up from the couch and reached Shepard who was now frantically trying to tear a piece of paper towel to stop the bleeding all over the kitchen floor.

"I'm fine. I just cut myself."

"Let me see," Liara reached for her hand, but Shepard quickly moved it out of reach.

"It's all right. I can do it myself. But thanks."

"Don't be silly. You can't even tear the paper towel. Let me see."

"It's fine Liara. It's just a little cut…" Shepard took a step back feeling trapped, but her backing up just irritated Liara.

"Will you stop being so stubborn!"

She grabbed Shepard's hand by the wrist and said more softly, "Let me see it."

Shepard rolled her eyes and showed her the injured finger.

"See? It's not that deep."

Studying Shepard's finger, she came closer to her. And as she examined the wound, Shepard felt awkward, so she looked around the room trying to find something to distract herself with.

"You are right, it's not that deep, but I would like to put some medi-gel and bandage it."

"It's just a cut Liara, not a bullet wound."

"Still, I would like to do it."

She said and looked Shepard in the eyes, making clear how serious she is.

"And you will not act like a baby," she warned.

"Yes, ma'am."

Liara smiled at her, happy she was listening and not trying to find excuses. Still holding her finger, she tore a little piece of paper towel and wrapped it around the wound, stopping the blood from dripping all over the floor.

"Where do you keep the medi-gel?"

"Upstairs in the bathroom."

When they reached the bathroom, Shepard washed the blood from her finger as Liara took the bandage and medi-gel from the cupboard.

Shepard watched her as she dried her skin with a towel and with utmost care, applied medi-gel to the wound. Suddenly the memory of what happened yesterday stormed through Shepard's mind. Silence and the problem of Liara being too close choked Shepard.

Liara must notice how uncomfortable Shepard is.

"Does this hurt you?"

"No, it's just-"

Shepard began but didn't know how to start. She took a step back and sat on the edge of the tub, buying some time, thinking how to explain something she doesn't fully understand herself. She spent almost all night thinking should she tell her or not. And how much she could say without appearing weak or crazy. Shepard even practice the conversation inside her head. By the time sun raised, she was still unsure what to do, but the morning run and fresh air gave her some clarity, and she decided she should tell her. Better to swallow her pride than to let Liara think that she is crazy. Of course, she will not tell the truth. She could tell her that she felt lightheaded or something. And no matter how it makes her feel, she would rather lie and mislead as much as possible then telling Liara what is really going on. The truth is scary, ugly and not for Liara.

Taking a deep breath, she looked at Liara who was still by the sink, patiently waiting for her to start.

"About yesterday, what happened in the museum, why I stormed out…" she continued, holding her injured finger tightly. She tensed, even more, when Liara kneeled in front of her.

"You don't have to explain Shepard. It's alright."

"No, it's not," Shepard was annoyed but calmed as Liara put her hand on her knee.

"Shepard. I will listen if you want to talk, but there is no need for forcing something you are not ready to share."

She gave Shepard's knee a light squeeze and stood up.

"Now, let me bandage that wound before your finger falls off."

Shepard was confused. She was expecting a long and nauseating talk, not this. Liara just ignored what happened. Even though she offered to listen, Shepard felt like she didn't really mean it. Like she would rather forget what happened yesterday. It would be better if she didn't say anything. Who knows what she now thinks about her? Liara probably pities her, and that made Shepard angry and embarrassed. She wanted to throw something or hit the wall with her fist, to unravel the burning emotional knot inside her. But she didn't. Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm down, as Liara bandage her finger, hiding the cut layer by layer.

It was afternoon when they finished shopping. They lost a lot of time at home just trying to decide should they buy from an online store or go to the city. After spending an hour or two browsing the online stores, and not finding a single piece of running equipment to Liara's taste, Shepard suggested they go to one of the malls and hopefully, Liara would fall in love with at least one pair of running shoes. It turned out that she was correct. Then she needed to find matching top and shorts. After several hours of pure agony, Liara finally found the combination she liked. And when Shepard commented that they saw the same thing online, Liara just waved her hand at Shepard and said that they look different in person. And that she shouldn't pressure her into buying something she doesn't like. After all, if she dies from a heart attack, she would like to look her best. Shepard said that she always looks good, and how she doubts that being dead would change anything. That made Liara blush and Shepard wasn't sure if she offended her or if Liara doesn't know how to receive compliments. It was probably the latter. She thought that Liara got some confidence in the last few years, after all, what kind of information broker you are, if you blush at every word that makes you feel insecure. But maybe Liara is just weird. After all, she spent hours picking shoes she will wear one day and never again.

Sending the purchase back to the house, Shepard suggested they take a walk through the nearby market. During the summer, she explained, there is a whole street full of merchants from every part of the Earth. The street was full of tourists, both human and alien.

They wandered for some time, going from stall to stall, Shepard patiently waiting for Liara to examine every pendant or souvenir she found interesting. At one point Shepard had enough when Liara talked with the merchant about some weird looking rock, so she decided to walk around and wait for Liara to finish. She would look towards her now and then, just in case if she needed anything. Suddenly she heard a voice somewhere behind her.

"Miss!"

Shepard turned towards the voice and saw an older man. He was surrounded by flowers of all kinds, most of them Shepard didn't recognize. When he started calling again, she approached him so that he would stop shouting. As soon as she reached him, he started offering his wares.

"A flower for a young lady?" he asked with a weird accent, and Shepard couldn't really place where this man is from. Probably from the Middle East, by the looks of his skin tone and outfit. It was refreshing to see someone in traditional clothes.

"A charmer. That should make me buy something, old man." Shepard hoped her teasing didn't come out too rough, as it often did, but he just smiled and extended his arms, like he is inviting Shepard for a hug.

"Ah! Young, beautiful and funny! I must be the luckiest man alive."

Shepard laughed and rolled her eyes at his sweet talking. It was kind of nice to hear someone calling her beautiful. Even if it was a merchant wanting to make a sale.

"Thanks, but you can stop trying. I'm not really interested in buying anything. Although you got a really nice collection here."

"You don't need flowers? Bah!" he waved his hand at Shepard, not believing her.

"Everyone needs flowers in their lives! You see, flowers could be used as decoration, a message or just as a gift for a loved one!"

What a persistent old nutcase, Shepard thought.

"Look, my house is beautiful enough, I have no message to send, and I'm not in love... so, yeah. But nice try."

Shepard already turned and started walking away when the old man's voice reached her once again.

"What about your friend?"

Shepard, not able to contain her curiosity walked back to the stand.

"What friend?"

"That one," he pointed his finger towards Liara across the street. "Maybe she likes flowers."

"Maybe she does. But it would be weird to buy her flowers without any reason..." Shepard said, more to herself than to the old man.

Now the man started laughing so loud that the people from the neighboring stalls looked at them.

"What's so damn funny?" Shepard hissed at him.

Stroking his beard, he answered, "You are."

"Me? And why is that?" she asked, looking forward to the argument with this cocky old man.

"Because you think that you need a reason to be nice to someone."

And just like that, every ounce of will Shepard had for a fight died.

"Fine. Give me whatever you have."

"I knew you are smart! I have a special one. Just for your friend!" he reached into his van parked behind him and brought a colorful bouquet that even Shepard thought it was beautiful.

And before giving it to her, he put one white flower in the middle.

"For good luck!" he said, but Shepard was indifferent to his gesture.

"Sure. Look, could you ship it to my house? We are not leaving anytime soon, and I don't want to carry it around."

"Of course! And don't you worry! The flowers will stay fresh, and your friend will love them!"

Saying goodbye to the man, she approached Liara who was now waiting in the middle of the street.

"What was that about?" Liara asked.

Shepard looked back to the man, who waved at them before he stopped some couple passing by.

"Poor souls," Shepard whispered, and turned to Liara, answering her question. "Nothing. He tried to sell me some flowers. They didn't look that good from the close-up."

Liara opened her mouth to say something but the faint music reached them from somewhere in the distance.

"What is that?"

"I don't know. Probably a concert in the park. Common, now during the summer."

Liara's interest perked up.

"What kind of concert?"

Shepard sighed.

"Um, I'm not sure. But nothing special. Just some small bands trying to make a breakthrough."

"Can we go?"

"Liara, you don't need my permission. This is your vacation. We will spend it however you want."

Liara crossed her arms and gave Shepard a sharp look.

"This should be your vacation as well. I'm not here so you could serve me," she raised her finger to stop Shepard from interfering.

"And don't start with that silly thing how I'm your guest. While technically true, I would rather be treated as a friend. And as far as I know, friends spend time together, doing things they both love."

Shepard watched Liara as she talked, with an amused expression.

"You really are something. You know that?"

The music stopped, and the clapping could be heard followed by brief silence.

"So I was told," a smug smile appeared on her face. "Park then?"

"Yeah, why not?"

They started walking towards the park, and after leaving the crowded market, Liara could see in the distance the stage and the park.

"We don't have to go if you don't want to. We can do something else."

"I loved going to the festivals when I was younger. So if the songs are good I think I even might have some fun."

"Goddess forbid!" Liara said acting shocked.

"Having fun? Ugh!" Shepard continued the joke, and it made Liara chuckle.

"What kind of songs do you like?"

They know each other for so long and yet there are things Liara doesn't know about her friend. She knows the big things, but she is missing the little details. Like what color is her favorite? Does she prefer winter or summer? Book or movies? Those are the things she hoped she would find out. And not by spying on her, or reading reports her agents bring her. But by talking and spending more time with her. The idea of getting know Shepard as a real person made Liara's heart flutter.

"I don't really know, to be honest. There is no particular type of song that I like. If it's good it's good, you know? What about you?"

"If I had to pick…probably the slower ones. Melancholic, bitter-sweet. Musicals, operas."

"I would have never guessed," she teased. "Anyway, it looks like it's your lucky day."

Shepard showed towards the stage where the young woman, with a guitar, is preparing for her song. Shepard recognized her. She sang last summer too when she was with Michael and Addison. Looks like she is still waiting for the fame.

"Come, let's find a place to sit."

After going through the crowd, they finally found a free spot on a top of a little hill, under a tree, where previously a group of teenagers was. Probably bored, they took their bottles and left towards the city in a search for a more exciting way to spend their night.

Shepard first leaned against the tree, but one disapproving look from Liara and she joined her on the ground.

They were far away from the stage, but thankfully the elevated ground gave them a good look at the stage and audience. Most of the crowd were sitting down on blankets, with the first few rows were chairs. Probably for more esteemed guests.

For Liara, this was a beautiful start of the evening. The first few song were catchy and quick, and even some of the people started to dance and sing along. But then, the young woman they saw earlier appear on the stage. She took her guitar, hitting a few notes, checking it was tuned well. Satisfied, she started to sing. Liara didn't catch all the words, but there was a part that made her throat tight.

As soon as the words of the things lovers share, echoed, Liara couldn't help herself, and she looked at Shepard, hoping their eyes would meet, but Shepard wasn't there with her. Did the song carry her to another time? Did she think about Edward?

Liara wanted to look away, but something kept her gaze. Was it the music, or the way Shepard herself was lost in memory, she didn't know, but she wanted to treasure this for as long as possible.

Every note that reached Liara's ears broke her heart a little more. Two people who never meant to be… and Liara saw Shepard and herself in that. It was a half done story, and a week is not enough to finish it. After this week ends, they would return to their normal lives and maybe see each other once or twice a year. Moments like this would become rare, thinned by the several light years that keeps them apart, until they disappear entirely. That was their future. A wasted potential, one of the saddest thing to exist in this grim galaxy.

Tears threatened to escape, and Shepard finally broke out from whenever mental prison she was and looked at Liara. She must notice the tears forming in her eyes.

"Are you ok?"

Liara shook her head and forced a smile; lost in Shepard's eyes, she contradicted everything. Her mind raced with all of the possible outcomes that could happen if she just admits it. Just to let it out, to not dance on edge, afraid what would happen.

"Liara?" Shepard asked once more, touching Liara's hand. The touch warmed her, and she managed to utter a few trembling words before the fear took over her.

"Shepard, I-"

The song ended, and everyone got on their feet cheering and clapping at the performance. Liara used the distraction to look away.

"It's the song," she laughed nervously. "I forgot to tell you how emotional I can get."

"Sucker for sad love songs are we?" Shepard teased, as she always does, but Liara couldn't stand it right now. Not now. She wanted to get up and leave just to get hold of herself. What is wrong with her all of a sudden? What a great self-control she had! One song and she is a mess.

_You can only be friends Liara. Nothing more. Stop deluding yourself, just stop. Be happy with that. Be satisfied with what you have._

"Come here."

Liara was shocked as Shepard pulled her close to comfort her. Liara wanted to break away because this was torture, but her resilience crumbled with each second; Shepard's perfume, her soft hair tickling her cheek, how safe she felt with Shepard's arm around her. And she betrayed herself once again and gave in. Resting her head against Shepard's shoulder, Liara didn't hear the rest of the song, nor was it happier than the last, as she only heard Shepard's breathing and the sound of one tiny traitorous tear hitting the ground.


	11. Hidden From View

Shepard is a liar. When Liara agreed to this, Shepard assured her that they would go easy, at a beginners pace. If in her business the terms of the contract are not met there are repercussions. In more extreme cases someone's life ends prematurely. Of course, a death sentence for Shepard would be an overdramatic punishment. But that didn't stop Liara from producing a thought or two about killing her. Especially in the moments like these, where she would stand in front of her with that stupid smirk on her face.

"You can do it T'Soni! You must believe in yourself!"  
"Asshole," Liara could only manage to mutter one word without risking throwing up so it might as well be the one which perfectly describes Shepard.  
"What is that T'Soni? Did you say you give up?" Shepard said, a trace of smugness in her voice.  
But Shepard's taunts, no matter how annoying they were, gave her strength to put one step after another.  
"Just do it Liara! You are so close!"

She was close as she was a mile ago when Shepard said the same thing, but she is still going, even though this final part was very steep. It wouldn't surprise her if Shepard chose this particular route as a joke. If anyone needed more convincing that Shepard is a natural born leader, Liara managing to get this far without fainting was proof enough. Grabbing Shepard's hand for that final step, she conquered the hill and looking over, even if there was not much of a view, Liara felt as she was on the top of the world.

"You did it," she said to her, and Liara felt proud. And she could tell that Shepard is too.  
"We are very close so we can take it easy from here."  
"Can we rest just a little? I feel like I will faint," Liara said as she tried to catch her breath.  
"Sit here," Shepard instructed, "and drink some water, you'll feel better."  
Liara sat down on a trunk, not even bothering to put anything on the surface of it. Her priority was to get rid of the sudden, cramping pain in her leg. Massaging the painful knot in her muscle, she said, "At least it's not a heart attack."  
Shepard smiled at her, "I knew you could do it."  
"Well thank you so much for believing in me Shepard," she said with a sarcastic tone. "Goddess, this hurts."  
"The muscle cramp?"  
Liara nodded, and Shepard offered her hand to pull her up.  
"It's best if you just walk it off. I had them all the time during my training."  
Liara tried to walk, but the pain made it impossible and she almost fell if it weren't for Shepard to catch her.  
"Oh!" she cried in surprise as Shepard caught her, putting her arm around her waist.  
"I got you," Shepard said as she helped her walk.  
"Shepard this hurts. I don't think this is a good idea," Liara rasped through gritted teeth, fighting the pain.  
"Try to stretch the muscle as much as you can," there was no emotion in Shepard's voice. It was like she was instructing one of her soldiers and not helping someone she knows for years. Thankfully, the burning pain didn't leave any space in Liara's mind to overthink it. After a few more tries, the pain subsided, and Liara could feel her muscles relaxing enough for her to walk without Shepard's help.  
"Oh Goddess, this feels good."  
"Want to continue?"  
"Can we rest for a bit? Just to catch my breath?" she sat back on the trunk, stretching her leg.  
"Sure. Take as much time as you need."  
"You don't want to sit?" Liara asked.  
"Nah. I'm good."  
"There is enough room Shepard. Come," she patted the space she made. "I don't bite," Liara teased when Shepard didn't move.  
"Alright," Shepard said and sat down next to her.

Liara thought how she could get used to Shepard's leg touching her own. The point of contact was small but so warm that it made Liara feel all fluttery. She was acting like she just entered the maiden stage. Not that she knows what that was really like because she was always more private than the rest of her peers. And while most of them spend their nights dancing in some sleazy club, or fighting in some mercenary groups, Liara spend that time reading and studying. She had offers, from one night stands to proper relationships, but her shyness made it impossible for her to engage in such a way. And if she had to be honest, most of them were didn't excite her. Physically nor mentally.

Feron was the closest she had to a relationship, but it was doomed from the first night they spent together. He cared for her, but Liara entered that relationship for all the wrong reasons and because of that Feron got hurt and she almost lost another friend. Then there was this one human Liara met one night. Nothing came out of it either. Being with some random human was not a good enough replacement.

Sometimes she wondered, did she missed anything by being such a picky person, but then she looked at the woman beside her, and she knew where she is supposed to be.

"If I ignore the pain, bugs and mud, this very refreshing."  
"Yeah," Shepard simply agreed.  
"You mentioned your training earlier. You were referring to your military training right?"  
"Yes."  
Liara couldn't tell if this conversation bothers Shepard, she did lose her family not long before her military career started.  
"What was it like?"  
"Oh, it was hell," she laughed. "I regretted skipping gym class in high school to go and smoke in the park. The marching under full gear got me the most. By the end of the training, we were marching ten miles with full gear on our backs. Our drill instructor lived for the Alliance. Gunnery Sergeant Loyce. I hated him more than he hated me, I think."  
"Why is that?"  
"Because, a month in, when it started to get hard, I began to doubt myself and my decision to join the Alliance. I was lost and had some very bad days. He pushed me more then. Like he knew I was on the verge of breaking down, and he wanted to eradicate any weakness from his beloved Marines. But in the end, I was grateful for that. And I think I earned his respect." Shepard let out a deep sigh.  
"But that was a long time ago. Come," she stood up and offered Liara her hand. "We are not far off."

* * *

_A long line of soldiers marched ahead, leaving one soldier behind. On her knees, slumped down, the massive drops of rain hitting her armor and burning her face. There were encouragements here and there, but the words fell on deft ears. The soldier threw her rifle and started to unbuckle the heavy armor. But she froze as the drill instructor yelled, "Jesus Christ!"  
_ _He marched, with his fist clenched by his sides, towards her, like an angry bull. And now looming above, as he yelled, his spit hit the soldier right in the face. She was thankful for the mud smeared across her face; it somewhat protected from direct contact._

_"Private, if you don't pick up that rifle and get back on your feet I will kick you in the ass so hard you will fly back to whatever shit-hole you crawled from! Get up!"_  
_"I can't do it, Gunnery Sergeant sir," the soldier replied with a low voice._  
_"The fuck did you just say?"_  
_"I said I can't do it, Gunnery Sergeant SIR!"_  
_"Private are you telling me that you are a worthless piece of shit?!"_  
_The soldier just slumped even more._  
_"The fuck is wrong with you private? Your mommy didn't hug you enough when you were little?" he started to circle around her, like a vulture around the dying animal._  
_"Hell, can't say I blame her! I would rather kill myself than touch a lazy, worth-for-nothing abomination! Your death would be one of the greatest human accomplishment in history!" he kneeled down, with his face so close, she could see the little veins in his eyes.  
_ _"You know what you are private? A coward who can't even reach the top of that hill! God forbid you fight for something! Then again, your parents didn't fight, and now they are dead! Good riddance I say! Fewer fucktards in the Galaxy the better!"_

_One single tear flow down the soldier's face, making a path through the mud on her skin. But she didn't avert her gaze. Rage was boiling inside her.  
_ _"Do you want to quit? Then quit! Get the fuck out of here!" he pushed her with his foot, and she fell completely. She will never know what happened at that precise moment when she hit the mud. Something inside her, fueled by anger make her pick up her rifle. Taking a deep breath, she stood up, and almost fell back down as the muscles in her legs painfully stretched from the weight they had to lift. Clenching her teeth, she made a few unsteady steps, before she started to run._

_"Mary and Jesus!" Sergeant yelled in disbelief and started to run alongside her. "What is this? Are you trying to prove something to me private? Finish this, and I might believe you!"_  
_She ran faster and faster, the cold air burning her lungs with each intake of breath, but she kept going._  
_"Sweet Jesus, everyone! Private Shepard is no longer a worthless piece of shit! She is still a piece of shit, but I see potential!"  
_ _Thirty minutes and countless insults later, they reach the starting point, and Shepard fell to her knees and vomited. On the verge of fainting, she barely heard the words that the Sergeant yelled._

_"I will make a proper marine out of you Shepard, even if it's the last fucking thing I do."  
_

* * *

"Here we are."

They came out of the woods and into the clearing. The little shore they reached was well hidden. Behind them was a thick forest and on the edges of the lake, large branches leaned over the water with some of the leaves just nearly touching the surface. But to Liara's great surprise, there was a shack, ruined, with traces of someone repairing it just enough for it to not collapse. The walls were covered with moss, the original color of the wood faded. This shack must have been here for a very long time.

"I know it doesn't look like much, but-"

"It has a certain appeal," Liara said and approached Shepard who was holding her hand on the wall. It looked like she was caressing the shack.

"It's half rotten, and I try to repair it here and there so that it doesn't collapse... but there is history here. Whoever built it had a story, and sometimes I like to imagine what that person was going through in their life. Did he build it to escape from something or to bring someone else here? When I'm sitting here, sometimes I feel like everything around me is frozen in time. It's a really weird feeling," she said as the rough surface of the wood stroke her skin.

"Every one of us needs to escape the reality from time to time," Liara looked at Shepard and added offhandedly, "or the past."

Shepard stopped moving her hand. Liara knew she was entering a very dangerous territory. But that's a risk she is willing to take. The reason behind her curiosity is more selfish then Liara would like to admit, but as long as she has a chance to help Shepard, it is worth it.

"I never run Liara."

If Shepard yelled these words, it would be preferable to Liara. Because this low, monotone voice with which she gave her answer sent chills down Liara's spine. There would be no more talk about it, Shepard made that very clear. Even though they both knew she wasn't telling the truth. And suddenly, as nothing happened, Shepard opened the door of the shack and brought out a folding chair for Liara, while she sat on a piece of firewood she took somewhere from behind the shack.

They sat down, and Shepard pulled a small pocket knife and started to peel the bark off the stick she found.

"You brought the pocket knife with you?" Liara said as she watched Shepard removing the slices of bark which fell on her leg.

"Yeah. What, you didn't?" Shepard asked and smiled when Liara shook her head in response.

"Well maybe you should, never know when you may need one."

"I can use my biotics."

"Oh yeah," Shepard furrowed her brows, "forgot about that."

Liara turned her attention to the lake in front of her. The surface of the lake was so calm; it looked like a big mirror. If there were not that one bird singing somewhere in the distance, it would be entirely silent. Just like Shepard said, this whole area around the lake is frozen in time. She looked at Shepard who was now inspecting the peeled surface of the stick with her thumb.

"This is beautiful Shepard. Thank you for bringing me here."

Shepard looked up from the stick in her hands towards the lake, "I wish Edward could see this."

Liara was surprised Shepard mentioned Edward. The last time they spoke about him, it didn't end well for either of them. It made Liara feel somewhat uneasy, not exactly knowing how to handle that particular topic.

"Do you miss him?"

"I don't know."

Liara found that very weird, but didn't question it. Shepard probably wouldn't answer her anyway. So she will try to steer the conversation in the opposite direction. To the future.

"After all these years, did you ever meet someone who-"

"No," she answered simply, still looking in the distance.

"But.. if the right person comes... wouldn't you like to give it a chance?"

Shepard didn't say anything for a few moments, but to Liara, it seemed like an eternity. She wasn't even sure if Shepard heard her, or was she taking her time, trying to find the right answer? Just when Liara wanted to ask her again, Shepard spoke.

"Probably not. No. I don't really think a right person exists. Not for me anyway."

Liara's heart sunk, but she didn't have time to let it consume her as Shepard turned and faced her, for the first time since they sat down.

"Why are you asking me this?" there was suspicion in her tone, even though she tried to mask it.

Liara just shrugged her shoulders and looked away, not able to continue the staring contest with Shepard. Shepard gave up when Liara said nothing and faced the lake again. Silence embraced them once more, and Liara used it to build her courage. She was aware she was poking the hornet's nest, but she wanted to know more.

"I always thought you were going to end up with Kaidan."

"Kaidan?" Shepard must find the idea so absurd she had to turn and look at Liara, making sure she wasn't joking. "What makes you think that?"

Liara replied matter of factly, "You two were close."

"We were never that close Liara, come on."

"You remember when he was hurt on Mars? When you carried him to the med-bay? You were so lost, Shepard. I never saw you that concerned before. For anyone."  
The last words came out quieter than Liara wanted them to.

"That's not true Liara. You of all people should know that," Shepard got up from her seat and approached the edge of the lake. Breaking the stick into small pieces, she threw them in the lake and watched as they float.

"I didn't mean to-"

"No," Shepard stopped her, "I overreacted. I'm sorry."

"It is me who should apologize, that was a very personal question. I had no right to ask you that or assume how you felt. I'm sorry."

Shepard closed her eyes and sighed, "Can we change the topic? Please?"

Shepard was getting agitated, and Liara decided it was for the best to leave the personal questions for now.

"Of course. We can talk about whatever you want."

Shepard stood still for a moment, before turning towards Liara and walking closer to her.

"What about you? Do you have anyone special in your life right now?"

Liara felt Shepard's question was very passive aggressive, a forced smile on her face betraying her. Shepard continued as Liara looked at her, thinking how to answer.

"I mean, it's only fair to ask since you seem very curious about me and my life."

And there it was. Shepard could talk all day how things don't bother her, or how you can ask her whatever you want, but she let out those small signs, those tiny, almost invisible traces of aggression. They are very hard to notice, especially in people like Shepard, but Liara's job as an information broker made her very good at picking up those little hints. A thought crossed her mind how even Shepard wasn't aware how Liara is good at it.

"No," Liara answered maybe too quickly, and Shepard caught on it.

"What about Feron?"

"Feron is a good friend but nothing more than that."

"Really? I always thought he has a thing for you and I think you two could make a good couple."

Liara's mind raced to all those years back, on the Shadow Broker ship, when Shepard asked the same question.

"As I said, we are friends."

"Did you ever thought about-"

"No."

"Are you blushing? Ha! I can't believe I was right! You should go on a date!"

Knowing Shepard, this kind of teasing will haunt her for the rest of her days here on Earth, and even when she left. So she decided, almost impulsively, to end that. Right here and now.

"We shouldn't because I'm in love with someone else."

Nothing was coming from Shepard for a few seconds; her eyes widened in shock. Her answer caught Shepard off guard. Finally, she spoke, her voice quieter than usual.

"Do I know him?"

"No."

"Well can you tell me more?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Liara took a deep breath, "I never told him."

Liara's heart was beating so fast; she felt like she was going to faint.

"Why didn't you?"

"Because it was not a right time for us. In all this time I knew him, I never found a perfect moment. Always something came between us, as per tradition," Liara let out a bitter laugh. "And I was afraid. I was afraid I would lose him."

"Hey," Shepard came closer and reached for her hand, the movement holding no implications of spite, it was an honest intention of comforting a friend. "You can't think like that. Fortune favors the brave you know. Besides, there is no such thing as a perfect moment. Believe me. So if you want my advice, go for it. Tell him how you feel. If nothing else, you will at least know. And if, for whatever reason, he doesn't want to be your friend anymore... well fuck him. He wasn't a friend to begin with, and you are better off without him."

"Thank you Shepard, but I prefer not to know."

"That sounds like torture."

Starring in Shepard's eyes, she tried to find at least a reflection of her feelings.

"Sometimes it is."

"Do you think he knows? Or suspects anything?"

"He doesn't know. Just my luck, to fall in love with a blind fool."

"All the more reason to smack some sense into him. You tell me if you need any help with that."

Shepard winked and moved her hand. The spot where their hands touched was no longer warm, and Liara felt colder.

After they returned home, most of the afternoon they spent alone. Shepard left for the city to buy some groceries for dinner, and even though she offered Liara to come with her, she politely declined telling Shepard she was tired. Shepard seemed disappointed but didn't comment anything. Emotionally exhausted, Liara used that free time to take a quick bath and to try and relax. But no matter how hard she tried, her thoughts always returned to Shepard. So the bath didn't really help. Then she tried to take a nap, but that also didn't work. Neither reading a book. Finally, she decided to watch something on the television. And by the time she found something interesting enough to watch, Shepard returned. Their conversation over dinner was minimal, and Shepard excused herself before even finishing, and left for her room. Liara thought about going and talk to her, but ultimately decided against it. And so, for the good part of the evening, they didn't see each other.

Feeling alone, she took her datapad and headed down to the living room. Sitting down on the sofa, she opened her inbox and started to read her emails.

Among the usual business contacts, there was one from her father, nagging her again-she will read that one later. Feron sent his usual reports, and asking how she was, is she having fun. Tali replied too. And the last one on the list was from that human she met. Nikolas. Between the awkward entry and an apologizing for intruding, there was an invitation to meet him, while she was still on Earth. It was tempting to go, maybe spending some time with another human other than Shepard could benefit her. But, she wasn't sure if it was right, and if Shepard would feel left out. There it is again, Liara realized with anger. Shepard always finds a way to squeeze into her thoughts.

Even though Shepard softened after Liara admitted she was in love with someone, the tension was still there. But Liara couldn't really understand what ticked Shepard off so much. Was it because she said that thing about Kaidan? Liara had to admit, now when she thought about it, how stupid that was. How could she say that when Shepard is still mourning Edward? When she has kids to look after? When she spent the good part of her life taking care of someone else. No wonder she got angry. There was another thing that Shepard said, and Liara didn't know what to think about it.

She let it cross her mind once more as she relived the memory in her head.

_You of all people should know that._

The expression in her eyes as she said that... it wasn't anger. Maybe disappointment?

Over and over again she thought about it, and the only conclusion she could reach is that Shepard was offended. Shepard did help Liara numerous times, so could this be a confirmation of what Liara hoped? That she really cared? Caring about her on a level far beyond friendship or duty. Although, there is a possibility that Shepard said it sarcastically, alluding to all the research Liara did on her when they first met.

Liara rubbed her temples. The more she thought about her relationship with Shepard the more her thoughts are getting scattered. Pulled from different corners of her mind. Emotional, logical and everything between.

Getting tired of it all, she opened a new text file and started to write and analyze Shepard. Sometimes she did this with her clients, and writing down all weakness and strengths proved as an efficient method.

_-I know she has some internal demons to fight and I want to help her;_

_-I know she still mourns Edward, and his death left a big scar inside her (is that why there is no picture of him, doesn't want to be reminded?);_

_-Shepard has a huge problem with anger. Although she has respectable amount of self-control, there is a very high chance of aggression erupting out.(first noticed after Lazarus pro.);_

_-Mood swings;_

_-She is isolating herself from her friends. She didn't talk to Joker for years now. Why? (Joker doesn't know also-should call and ask);_

_-She wants to return to active service as soon as possible-(didn't she have enough of the war?);_

_-I don't know how she feels about me. She talks how she doesn't want to hurt me, and yet avoids answering my questions;_

_-I know she wants to be friends again;_

_Could I stand being 'just' a friend? How can I help her? Could we be more? If not, I must balance my emotions. How? I wished she woul_

"Hey."

"By the Goddess!" Liara jumped and quickly turned off the datapad.

"Shepard! I didn't hear you coming."

"Did I scare you?" Shepard asked as she approached her.

"A little, yes."

"Sorry about that," she tilted her head to the side. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, nothing. Just talking with some friend," Liara lied.

"A friend, huh?" Shepard passed Liara and sat in the armchair next to the sofa. Liara was disappointed she didn't sit next to her.

"Is that the special friend you talked about?"

"No. I met Nikolas here on Earth. While I was waiting for you."

Liara wasn't sure if mentioning Nikolas was a good idea, but Shepard didn't seem really interested in her new friend.

"Yeah. Sorry about that."

Liara smiled at her, "It's alright."

They sat in silence for a few minutes. The only noise was from Shepard who fidgeted in her seat. Liara didn't say anything and just let Shepard take her time.

"Liara?"

"Yes, Shepard?"

"About today, at the lake... when I lashed at you. I know I apologized, but I want to make sure everything is alright between us."

Liara sighed, and putting her datapad on the coffee table, she scooted to the corner of the sofa, coming closer to Shepard.

"It is. But I think we should talk."

"About what?"

"We had a few bumps in our... relationship, and we don't always agree, but all this apologizing, it feels like... I don't know. Sometimes I don't feel relaxed Shepard."

"Are you afraid of me?"

"Why would I be afraid of you? If anything, I feel afraid for our friendship. We cant go on like this, not being able to freely speak our minds in fear that we would say something wrong. And constantly apologizing over and over again. It came to the point where the 'I'm sorry' is stripped down to meaning nothing."

"Look I agree with you. To some point anyway. So since we are talking honestly here," Shepard paused, and Liara nodded, encouraging her to continue, "I want you to know how sorry I am. I know I am apologizing again but... I don't want to hurt you. And I know that I said some awful things all those years ago. Nothing can erase that, no matter how much I apologize. It... I...You deserve better."

Liara thought about what parts Shepard remembers. Is it possible she forgot what she did? Her throat tightened as she remembered and her hand almost instinctively reached her neck. Shepard noticed the sudden movement and just as she opened her mouth to say something, Liara cut her off.

"Apologizing for every trivial thing won't scrap it from existence. You apologized, I accepted. But we cant let our friendship be stuck between some mistakes we both did. If we allow that to happen... we will always be reserved around each other. And I don't want that for us.

Shepard nodded, agreeing with her, "But what do you want then?"

"I want... to be friends like we used to. I know that you are a private person and that I'm asking a lot, but I wish you could trust me more."

"I do trust you. More than anyone else."

_Then why are you always hiding from me?_

"So no more apologizing for every little thing? We speak freely from now on?"

"You got it."

Liara extended her hand, and Shepard laughed, "You want to seal the deal?"

"I am a businesswoman after all."

The only thing Liara wished at that moment is that Shepard held her hand for just a bit longer, so she could enjoy how their hands fit perfectly together.


	12. Heavy Rain

A/N: Alright. Sorry for not updating in a while.  
I went back and rewrite the older chapters (no major plot points were inserted, just fixed the grammar and rearrange the words) so it took me some time to do that. Also, I managed to complete the story, so this part of it is finished. There will be a few days between the updates.  
Enjoy.

* * *

Liara finished the chapter and closed the book. Gently putting it beside her, on a small table, she took a deep sigh. She should have brought a better one with her. The book was somewhat cheesy, a typical romance where from the first page you just know that the main characters will get together. She is not too proud to admit to herself that usually, she likes that kind of thing. Now, she wouldn't call herself a hopeless romantic, it just that type of genre helps her relax after a long day at the office. She is in no mood after hours and hours getting through the reports of murder, blackmail, and unfaithful partners, to read the same about some fictional characters, helping her cynicism to spread even faster. She is not naive; she fully understands how the galaxy works. It's not ideal, this vast grim space of stars, but it's the only one they got, and shading light on her inner world makes the outer one a little bit brighter. But now, this type of genre makes her frustrated because of the ideas it fills her head with.  
The soft breeze reached the porch where she was sitting and closed her eyes; she enjoyed the cooling effect it had. It was nice here, and she felt completely at peace. For a brief second, a thought rushed through her mind, how she could stay here forever, but it was quickly replaced with realization how boring would this kind of lifestyle become.  
No matter how much she enjoyed being with Shepard, she started to miss her work. She isn't used to this. Could she get used to this? Thinking about it made her feel anxious. What if, her wildest fantasies come true? What if Shepard rushes here, picks her up and admits her love, lifting her in the air just like in the book she closed a few minutes ago. What then? Does Shepard go and live with her or does she stays here? There are problems with both outcomes. And Liara does not see a solution; she is not ready to give up her job she worked so hard to build nor is Shepard prepared to leave Earth. Shepard did say that she wants her children to grow up here.

Besides, she is taking a lot of liberty with her fantasies. The most significant obstacle to them becoming true is the fact that Shepard never showed any interest beyond friendship. And there was this little thing called attraction. As far as Liara could tell, Shepard was attracted to humans. Male humans.  
Her species may consider themselves mono-gender, but she was aware that her body closely resembles the female, human one. Everything about her is feminine. And Shepard never showed interest in her female crew, at least she was not aware of any cases of Shepard's romantic life involving other women. But, despite all that, there were moments she shared with Shepard, where her imagination made them look more then they were, making her heart flutter even after so much time. A smile every time she passed by on the Normandy, a soft touch on her shoulder. Late night talks, where they used to share stories and laugh. A pang of sadness hit her as she realized that most of these moments happened before the destruction of the first Normandy. When everyone was happier. When Shepard was a different person. Caring, patient and always looking for a peaceful way out. She can be all those things now, but it seems as if Shepard was on a very low reserve with it. Push her too far, and aggressiveness erupts from her, destroying everything in her path, not thinking about the possible consequences. Is that why Shepard needs her space? Is she afraid of herself? And what she is capable of?

Of course, she is different with the people she cares about. Seeing her as she plays with her children, being a mother, was so alien to Liara, that she had to remind herself that the same woman who is so gentle with her children is the same woman who could kill without giving a second thought. Despite seeing Shepard in action, the idea of her being a cold-blooded  _killer_  made Liara slightly shiver. Or maybe it was this wind that now picked up with strength and speed.

Liara looked up at the sky, the sun now hidden behind the clouds. Will it rain?

Liara liked to think of herself as a rational, logical person, always putting things into perspective before making a decision, but when it comes to Shepard, she is weak. Weak at everything Shepard is and was. Shepard. The source of her hopes and disappointments.  
She must find a way to lock all of those feelings inside her head. To put them away forever, and maybe allow herself to visit them from time to time, just to remind herself what she will never have. A painful practice, which will yield nothing but temporarily satisfaction followed by pang od regret. She would lie if she said it didn't make her feel worried about her future. But after all they went through, she will not allow their fragile friendship to be shattered once more, just because she couldn't grow up from some childish fantasies. But still, she relives some of those in her head over and over again, giving them more life every time. She should know better, after all these years. Picking up the book from the table, her finger traced over the cover. Two people so close to each other, their lips just an inch apart. At the end of the book, they would kiss and live happily ever after. Liara scoffed and almost throw the book in annoyance. What a fool she is.

"Hey there," Shepard greeted her, and closing the glass door that leads to the porch, joined Liara on the other side of the table, taking a seat. "Enjoying your book?"  
Before she answered, Liara flipped the book, the cover now hidden from Shepard's view.  
"Not really, no," she tightens the hold on the book, as if afraid Shepard may take it from her. "It's a silly romance story."  
"Hm," Shepard gave her a curious glance but said nothing before she turned away from her, looking into the distance.  
Liara was the first to break the silence. "It looks like it will rain," she said, trying to start a conversation. Shepard still focused on something in the distance, merely nodded, not offering any comment of her own.  
"Is everything alright Shepard?" Liara asked, noticing how Shepard was still absent. They talked very little at breakfast, and when Liara proposed they spend the day here, Shepard looked relieved as if she was secretly hoping she would say that. Maybe Shepard was just tired. But Liara's instincts, which rarely failed, were telling her that something is not quite right. Maybe Shepard was getting tired of her and wanted some time alone. The thought of being an annoyance to Shepard was a hurtful one. She didn't have time to dwell on it further as Shepard finally spoke, "You know, I was thinking about what we discussed the other day, at the museum. When you talked about how we, humans, are always striving to be first, to be the best. That no matter what we do, the reason behind it is always the same."

Shepard paused, not sure if she wants to hear Liara's answer anymore. "Do you think I'm like that? That I'm selfish?"  
Liara looked into her blue eyes; looking for a reason why would she ask that.  
"Why do you ask?" Liara started carefully.  
Shepard just shrugged her shoulders, as if they were talking about something mundane, a conversation only for the sake of spending some time.  
"I don't know, just curious I guess."  
Liara nodded as she accepted that answer, but she knows that there was something deeper behind it.  
"Shepard," she leaned across the table so she could be closer to her, and took her hand with her own. "You are nothing like them."  
Shepard hold her gaze for a moment before her defenses broke down and to protect herself, she closed her eyes and turned her head away.  
"You don't know... the things I did..."  
With a tip of her fingers, Liara gently turned her head back, forcing her to look at her.  
"It doesn't matter," she whispered. "It doesn't matter."

Shepard gave her a small smile and put her hand on top of Liara's removing it from her cheek. Liara was surprised when Shepard didn't let go entirely but instead continue holding it, resting both of their hands on the top of the table.  
"I wish I could believe that."  
"What is stopping you?" Liara asked, trying to get to her once more. Shepard studied their interlaced fingers, how soft that blue skin feels against her white fingers. And in that moment of weakness, she almost told her what is keeping her captive. The ugly truth that screams inside her head. But Shepard was not weak. So she released Liara's hand and once more turned away from her. Liara realized that they hit the wall and for the time being, there is no going through. But she decided to continue this dance, but with a different song. Shepard is slowly opening to her, and she must take the most of this.  
"How do you see me?" Liara asked, but quickly corrected herself because she felt the question would put too much focus on her. "How do you humans see us?" and after a small pause, she blurted out, not being able to stop herself. "Am I just some alien to you?"

Shepard was silent for some time, and it made Liara nervous. Finally, she spoke, "I don't know about others, and to be honest I don't care," she said. "But to me, you are a beautiful, smart and kind person which I am lucky to call a friend. And I am grateful for every moment we spend together." Shepard ended with a small smile, making Liara's heart wanting to explode from her chest. Noticing her changed expression, Shepard asked, a mischievous grin on her face, "Satisfied with the answer?"  
"You have no idea."

She ignored the fact that Shepard did not say anything about her being an asari.

* * *

After the small talk they shared, they went for a walk. They didn't make it far before a strong wind announced the sudden change of weather. Clouds greyed the area around them, and Liara proposed they go back, but Shepard, in all her wisdom, proclaimed that she recognizes the shape of the clouds forming and, as she explained it to Liara, they will not produce rain. She even acted offended when Liara expressed doubt at Shepard's knowledge of clouds.  
"You really should trust me more," she said. And Goddess knows Liara would, but it was getting colder, and she could swear she felt a drop of rain on her face. Shepard noticed Liara's discomfort and offered her hoodie. She declined at first, stating how Shepard would feel cold too.  
"Don't be silly," she said as she wrapped the hoodie around Liara's shoulders, despite her protest. Secretly, Liara was glad Shepard gave it to her. Soft and fluffy fleece material inside made it warm, with the outer layer windproof, doing an excellent job of preventing the cold wind from blowing through. And it looked beautiful, the red stripe down the right sleeve, with an N7 emblem on the chest. Commenting on how comfortable it feels, she said she would take it with her home.

Not a minute later, the sky rumbled, and a heavy rain poured down on them, interrupting Shepard as she was trying to tell a joke. Soaked to the bones in seconds, they ran towards the house, laughing at their stupidity. Deciding to make a prank on Shepard, Liara concentrated and in a split second was several feet ahead. She laughed as Shepard, startled by Liara's sudden biotic charge, almost fell in the puddle in front of her.  
"You little cheater!" she yelled as she got up and started running towards her.  
"All is fair in love and war my dear Commander!" Liara said sweetly, and as soon as the words left her mouth, Shepard stopped and put her hands on her hips, not caring about the cold rain anymore.  
"Oh is it now?"  
"Shepard, you'll catch a cold!" Liara was serious now, but Shepard only crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows.  
Liara rolled her eyes at Shepard's childish behavior.  
"You stubborn, egotistical idiot!" she yelled over the pounding rain.  
"I'm sorry, I can't hear you!"  
"I said-"

Liara didn't manage to finish; a blue glow surrounded Shepard, and Liara knew what Shepard is planning to do, and it was a stupid idea; her positioning was terrible, and by the way she leaned forward, Liara knew this would not end well. She charged, and although the charge was not as strong as of a trained biotic, it was still a pretty hard impact. In a second they both landed on a patch of flooded grass, sliding for a few inches before they stopped. Shepard was first to recover.  
"Shit, shit, I'm so sorry Liara. I thought I could control it. Are you alright?" her voice containing a hint of the panic she felt, but somewhat relaxed when Liara spoke.  
"You are such an idiot Shepard," Liara said, and reached with her hand towards Shepard's face, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "You can't expect to have full control of your biotics without constant practice." She mirrored the words her mother once told her.  
"I'll keep that in mind."

The rain poured as hard as before, but neither Shepard nor Liara moved, the urgency of being dry no longer a top priority. They gazed into each other's eyes, so intensely as if they are having the most important conversation in the world. A conversation not guided with words, but with feelings, some unspoken, some yet to be discovered, but they were real and there, looming in the small space between them. Liara's heart beat faster with each passing second, her courage wavering but never retreating. The desire overcome the fear and slightly adjusting her body so she could easier reach Shepard's lips with her own, she took a deep breath to prepare herself for whatever pack of emotions may come later; relief, disappointment, anger. At that moment, Liara wanted to know. Just before she closed her eyes to make that final deciding step, the pressure of Shepard's body disappeared from her own, and her chance was gone.  
"I guess I must practice more," Shepard said, entirely oblivious to what Liara's intention was just a moment ago and offered her hand, which Liara grudgingly accepted.

_You really are an idiot Shepard.  
_

* * *

Shepard joined Liara by the glass door leading to the porch. "Here, something to warm you up," she handed her a cup of steaming liquid.  
"What is this?" Liara asked, bringing the cup closer to her face, enjoying the pleasant smell.  
"It's tea," Shepard said, bringing her cup closer to her lips, "with a bit of rum."  
Liara eyed her cup with suspicion, "A bit?"  
"Yeah," Shepard said and laughed as Liara studied the cup, trying to figure out if Shepard is telling the truth. "Come on. It's not like I will poison you."  
"It's not that. It's just, you know I can't hold my liquor."  
"I didn't put much of it, just for the taste," she put her hand over her heart. "I promise."  
After taking a cautious sip of this mysterious drink, Liara found, with great surprise, that it's delicious. It warmed her from inside, and the alcohol bearly noticeable in the rich flavor. She quickly took another sip.  
"Good, right?"  
"Acceptable," Liara replied trying to sound indifferent so Shepard's ego won't blow over the roof. The result of the attempt was somewhat open to debate, as Shepard smirked at her.  
"Since we are stuck in the house for the rest of the day, have any idea how to spend the free time?" Liara asked, her cheeks already burning hot from the  _tea_  Shepard gave her.  
Shepard shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know, we could watch a movie or something. Who knows? Maybe the rain will stop?"

And so they did. Seated in front of the television they went through the list of possible movies they could watch. They soon realized their difference in taste would prevent both of them to fully enjoy it, so Liara suggested they play some chess. And so they did for some time, but their attention slowly shifted from the holographic board to some talent show going on the television, until the chess pieces flicker forgotten, on the table, between the glasses of wine and empty cups where the tea once was. Shepard was glad they stopped playing, Liara won every time and it made her cocky, even more with each glass of wine. Shepard didn't drink as much as Liara did, she was still on her second glass when Liara was finishing her third.

And Liara was so relaxed and content. She couldn't remember the last time she had so much fun! Watching this ridiculous talent show, laughing at some of the more ridiculous competitors, and being with Shepard... what more could she ask for? And why not celebrate this beautiful evening with another glass of this delicious red wine?  
"Wow, T'Soni," Shepard said as Liara poured herself another glass, "you really are on fire tonight."  
Liara giggled, "I can't help but notice, Commander, that I left you somewhere behind."  
"That you did," Shepard said, amused at her slightly tipsy state and turned her attention back to the talent show. The turian pair on the screen just finished their dancing and were waiting for the judges to score them. They were Shepard's personal favorites, not because she cares much about dancing, but because turians look funny when they dance. To Shepard's great relief they passed to the next round. Shepard noticed Liara got up and walked towards her until she was entirely in front of her, watching down at as if she was waiting for something.  
"Is everything alright?" Shepard asked, and Liara looked over her shoulder, taking a quick glance at the screen, then back to Shepard.  
"I bet we can dance better than them," she said, and Shepard laughed. When Liara didn't react but patiently stood in front of her, Shepard realized she was serious.  
"I don't dance Liara," she reminded her, warning sliding along the edges of her voice.  
Someone started to sign on the show, and it was a sign for Liara to put her plan into action.

"Now you will," Liara said and reached for Shepard pulling her to her feet.  
"And don't force me to use my biotics on you," she poked Shepard on her shoulder.  
"You are drunk Liara," Shepard said, trying to find a way to get herself out of this, but Liara held her more closely to her.  
"No I'm not!" she pouted. "Follow my steps, and you will be fine."  
Shepard groaned in desperation, "Oh god, why are you torturing me like this?"  
Liara closed, even more, space between them, and looking Shepard straight into eyes, said, "It's only fair, you torture me all the time."  
Shepard furrowed her brows in confusion, "What? When did I-".  
Liara put her finger to her lips, silencing her, "Shh. Just dance."

Liara was sober enough to know what she was doing but drunk enough not to care. She hanged her arms loosely around Shepard's neck, but Shepard was so uncomfortable she didn't know what to do next but managed to wrap her arms around Liara's lower back.  
"Um, is this ok? I'm not sure if-"  
"It's perfect," Liara said. "Just relax and listen to the song."  
They made a few awkward steps, and Shepard almost gave up, but Liara didn't let her go. After a few minutes, Shepard managed to get the hang of it.  
"You are dancing," Liara whispered in her ear, and it sent tingles down Shepard's spine.  
"I guess we are," Shepard laughed nervously, trying not to step on Liara's feet.  
Liara smiled and rested her head on Shepard's shoulder, her breath slightly tickling her neck. Shepard not used to this, tried to break the tension with a joke, "Maybe we should apply to the talent show."  
"Can you imagine the embarrassment?"  
"Liara T'Soni, information broker and confidence-crushing expert."

Liara let out a soft laugh, and they continued to dance, even after the song ended. Shepard could feel Liara relaxing even more onto her, and looking down, she noticed Liara's eyes were closed.  
"Do you want to go to bed?" Shepard whispered, making Liara feel goosebumps all over her body, but they quickly disappeared as she realized what Shepard meant with that.  
"I'm not tired. Just resting my eyes."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Just a little more," she said, burying her face into Shepard's shoulder. She didn't want this to end. She wanted to spend the night with her, but under the weight of all the wine she drank, her legs started to give up. Thankfully Shepard offered a good alternative, "Let's head to the couch, rest for a while."  
Liara nodded against Shepard, and they sat down, close to each other. Shepard tensed a little when Liara leaned her head against her. But she didn't say anything. It felt nice.  
"Give me a minute Shepard," Liara said so quietly, Shepard barely understood her.  
"Take as long as you need."  
It was not long until Liara, in her sleepy state, rested her whole body on Shepard and dozed off.

"You really are a lightweight," she said as she gazed at Liara sleeping form. It made Shepard smile, and carefully, so not to wake her, she caressed her cheek softly, that it might well be a ghost who did it. It would be perfect if it weren't for Liara lying with her full weight on Shepard's arm. She wanted to pull her arm from underneath her, but she didn't want to wake her.  
_I will let her sleep for a while,_ Shepard thought and continued to watch the show, really curious who will be kicked out from the competition. As the minutes pass, her own eyes betrayed her, and she fell asleep, with Liara's warm body acting as a cover.


	13. Another Dream

Shepard didn't know for how long she walked, but her muscles protesting under the weight of her armor gave her some idea, even though she didn't even know why she was here. And where was  _here_  anyway. She only knew she has to reach that house in the middle of this vast open field. From where she was, the house looked like a lost boat in an endless ocean. As she studied the strange structure, a cold wind hit her once again, throwing the strands of her hair all around her face.  
_  
Weird,_  Shepard thought.  _It's too cold for summer._

She looked at the horizon, the sun already set down, the grey land and dark blue sky divided by a reddish glow, as if someone smeared it across, tracing the landscape. Removing the hair from her eyes, she continued to walk. Slowly approaching the house, she reached down and let her hand glide just over the tall grass enjoying the feeling of how they passed through her fingers and lightly touching her palm.

And not a few steps from the door, Shepard stopped once again and looked at this odd house. It reminded her of the old movies she used to watch. She couldn't place in what period it could belong, but there was no doubt it was ancient. The paint was faded, the tiles on the edges of the roof barely hanging on, a hit of a stronger wind and they are down. Shepard noticed that several of them already fell, pieces scattered all around the entrance. A thought crossed her mind how someone might live here, and she looked through the window to find any signs of life, but all that welcomed her from the other side was pitch blackness. It was abandoned a long time ago.

Slightly hesitating, she grabbed the rusty knob and pushed, making the door creak loudly in protest. Stepping inside, she quickly scanned the surroundings, as much as the lack of light allowed her. There was not much to look at; a staircase on her left and so close that she had to close the door if she wanted to go upstairs. Just ahead of her a long hallway with a room at the end, and on her right, was something that looked like a kitchen, and in it, what was once a dining room table, but now broken in several big pieces on the floor. On the wall, there were still a few cabinets left, some closed, some without doors altogether and Shepard got an unyielding desire to go and see if there is something left in them.

Not being able to fight the burning curiosity, she walked into the kitchen and towards the cabinets. Carefully opening one of them, she found a stack of photos. Taking a few from the pile, she tried to look at them, but the image was shifting so fast that it was impossible to distinguish what was happening, but it seemed so familiar like she saw it all happening before. Suddenly, a peal of laughter came from the hallway. Making a mental note to take the pictures before she leaves, she threw them back in the cabinet.

The hardwood floor squeaked under her feet as she went deeper into the hallway. The laughter became more evident with each step, and midway through, she could hear voices. The words were muffled, and Shepard couldn't distinguish what they are talking about, but she would recognize them anywhere. Her heart now beating so hard she could feel it in her ears; she ran towards the back room from where the voices came. She stopped before entering and took in a deep breath to calm herself but it was a weak attempt to conquer this unexplainable fear which made her voice tremble.

"Mom? Dad?" she called.  
Silence. They probably didn't hear her. Mustering the courage, she stepped inside only to find an empty room, save for the cobwebs and dust settling on the floor. As she stood there, confusion piercing her mind, the laughter was replaced with footsteps landing heavily on the floor just above her; dust pushed through the cracks of the ceiling, falling all over her in huge chunks like snowflakes in the winter. As she turned around her, trying to make sense of it all, with a corner of her eye she caught a little figure standing near the stairs from where she came.  
Recognizing the child, she whispered his name, "Mike."

The little boy just smiled, "Catch me, Katie!" He challenged her and giggled, running upstairs.  
"No Mike stop!" Shepard yelled as she tried to reach him, to protect him from whatever dwelled in this cursed building.  
But he was too fast. Grasping the stair's handle she looked upstairs, but he was nowhere to be seen.

Reaching for her sidearm, holstered on her right leg, she carefully ascended, the thick dust from the floor choking her with each step she made. There was only one door on the upper level, on her right. Someone was sitting by the door, dressed in rags with a hood concealing its face.  
Shepard raised her gun, "Where is he?" she demanded.  
The figure was silent, playing with something in its hands.  
"Hey, I'm talking to you!" Shepard realized as she approached that the hooded figure was, in fact, an old woman, holding a small doll in her aged hands. Squeezing it and pulling the hands and legs so hard they were on the verge of braking. It was unsettling, and Shepard in her panic put the gun on the head of the woman.  
"Talk!" She ordered, but the old woman did not react. Shepard grabbed her by the collar of her oversized robe and pulled her up, to face her but the woman suddenly jerked and grabbed Shepard by the wrist with her cold hands, nails burning into Shepard's skin. Slowly lifting her head, she looked Shepard straight into the eyes.  
"What are you looking for?" she asked with a calm voice, smiling, her grasp growing stronger. Shepard tried to free herself, but the woman was unnaturally strong.  
"My brother...he...where is he?" she managed to mutter while trying to free herself.  
The woman tilted her head in curiosity, "Isn't he dead?" she asked, but Shepard shook her head in denial, not wanting to get her hope crashed once more.  
"But you," the old woman chuckled, "what is so special about you?"

Shepard throw her gun to the floor, and now with both hands, trying to free from her clutches. It made the woman only laugh even harder, and Shepard stopped struggling and watched in horror as the face of the old hag started to melt like it was made of wax. The old woman released her, and she sat back down, the hood concealing her face once more.

"Go now, child," she said softly, almost grandmotherly, pointing with her long finger to the door. "And watch your step."  
"What are you?" Shepard whispered more to herself than to the apparition in front of her. A deep rumbling laugh was the only answer she got.

* * *

Closing the door behind her, Shepard entered another hallway. Only this one was wider, and the ceiling nonexistent, darkness replacing it. In the end, there was a chair with someone sitting on the floor beside it. Without her gun, she felt nervous, and with careful steps, she walked towards the man. Her footsteps alerted him, and he lifted his head. Shepard felt sick.

"It can't be..." she couldn't believe her own eyes. What is happening? Did she finally lost her mind? Or maybe she is dead?

"Hey you," the man chirped and approached her. Lifting his hand, he caressed her cheek with his knuckles, as he always did. Shepard closed her eyes, giving in.

"You can't be real... don't do this to me again," she begged.

"Do what, love?" she crushed into him, hugging him so tightly, so he never leaves again. This time, she will not let go. She didn't care anymore what was real or not. How she missed this. She missed him.

"I miss you so much," she said and looked at him. He was still smiling.

"Come," he led her gently towards the chair.

"Our kids, Mike and Addison-" Shepard started, wanting to tell him so much, to say to him what is waiting for them if he comes with her.

They stopped and cupping her cheek he assured her, "I know."  
Reaching down, he kissed her. His rough beard, his touch, his soft lips against hers. She didn't know where she was, but she was with him, and that was the only thing that mattered. Everything else can fade into nothing. Reaching down, he unfastened the armor on her arm. It fell to the floor, making a loud clunk that echoed through the hallway. She was so long without this, and now she will have it again. They separated, and offering one more smile; he gently pushed her down on the chair.

Confused, she asked, "What are you doing?"

"Showing you what you are," he said. Shepard wanted to get up, but she couldn't. Her legs were heavy like some invisible force was pulling them down.  
"Edward..." Shepard helplessly watched as he brought an IV stand from somewhere behind her. Realizing what will happen, she struggled to get free.

"Shh," he traced her lips with his thumb. "It going to be alright."

Reaching for the needle, he prepared to stick it into her vein.  
"No, no no! Edward stop-" she protested and squirmed in her seat but it was to no avail, she felt the slight burn as the needle pierced the skin. It was over.  
She hopelessly stared as the thick black liquid drained down the tube, slowly reaching her bloodstream.  
"It will reach your heart," he explained. There was no emotion in his voice, no expression on his face. Her hand started to burn and tingle, and she looked at the rock like texture conquering inch by inch of her arm. In no time it will reach her shoulder, and from there her chest.

"Why are you doing this?"  
She wanted to be angry, to be filled with rage until she explodes. But all that she got was exhaustion and the feeling of betrayal. This must be hell, because she couldn't imagine the greater punishment for her sins than to be betrayed by the love of her life, by the one who managed to bring some light in her life.  
Edward grabbed her face and kissed her one last time. Shepard allowed herself to get lost in his touch one final time.

Gazing into her eyes he whispered, "Be silent love. We have guests."

Looking behind him, she could see the hallway was now full of shadows watching her. The pain hit her chest, and she heard a voice calling her from somewhere. First, she thought it was Edward, but he was standing in front of her, smiling. As he gave her a little nod, everything disappeared, and Shepard was no more.

* * *

"Shepard! Wake up! You are having a nightmare! Shepard!"

Shepard gasped for air and sat on the couch. She couldn't feel her arm and jumping from the couch, she was in the middle of the room in a heartbeat. She didn't even notice that Liara almost fell off the couch.  
Holding her numb arm, she looked at it as if it wasn't hers. In her panic, she stumbled around the room, almost falling on the table.  
Liara said a little sharper, trying to get to her, "Shepard, calm down!"  
For the first time, Liara was afraid for her. She never saw Shepard in this state, and she didn't know what to do. Shepard retreated to the wall, hitting it with her back.

"Don't touch me," her voice rasped, warning her, to not come close, to leave her alone. But it was not enough to stop Liara. Closing the distance between them, she carefully extended her hand, to make her intention clear and to give Shepard space to retreat. But she didn't. She stayed there, frozen, with her back against the wall, breathing heavily, as if her lungs had to lift blocks of concrete just to get a little oxygen in them. Finally, Liara's hand reach Shepard's own. Liara half expected that Shepard would slap her hand away, but when Shepard didn't move from the touch or show any sign of discomfort, Liara, encouraged, stroked her scared cheek with tips of her fingers, but it wasn't enough to pull Shepard back. She was not there, her eyes darted around the room, trying to find something to hold on, something real, to escape from the prison her nightmare locked her in.  
Liara, reacting on instinct, grabbed both sides of her head and forced her to look at her. To focus on her, on reality.

She wiped the cold sweat from Shepard's forehead with her hand, and softly, as she was trying to calm down a frightened child, said, "Everything is alright. You are not alone."  
Shepard shook her head, discarding Liara's attempt to calm her.

"I can't feel my arm, my arm..."

Liara was still hazy from sleep and from all the wine she drank so she stared at Shepard's arm for some time, trying to figure out what is wrong with it.  
"Liara..." Shepard called for her, desperation in her voice, and it was enough for Liara's brain to start working. Connecting the dots, she reached for Shepard's hand and led her back to the couch. As they sat down, she took her arm and with slow movements, she massaged it, helping the circulation to go faster and to regain the feeling in the arm as quickly as possible.

"Is this better?" Liara asked, and Shepard, exhausted, just nodded, and stared at Liara, looking at her as if she saw her for the first time in her life. Like she saw something she didn't notice before. And in her tiredness, Shepard rested her head on Liara's shoulder. Liara tensed, not expecting this but quickly recovered. She put her free hand in Shepard's hair, making small circles, trying to calm her down. Even now, she couldn't help but notice how soft her hair was, how with ease the black strands of hair glided through her fingers. As the minute's pass, Shepard's breathing slowed down, and Liara could tell that it was working. They were so close, Liara could feel Shepard's heartbeats. After some time like that, Shepard lifted her head, but Liara didn't let go of her arm.

"Better?"

"Yeah," Shepard replied, avoiding Liara's eyes.  
"Do you want to talk about it?" Liara asked but Shepard ignored her question and stood up. With her back turned on Liara, she looked around the room, like she couldn't decide what to do next. Just when Liara wanted to ask her if she was alright, Shepard walked towards the door and grabbed the hoodie that hanged on the wall.

"Where are you going?" Liara asked her, but Shepard didn't even turn around to answer her properly.

"I need some air," she quietly said.

"Shepard it's the middle of the night. And it's raining!"  
But the facts didn't mean anything to Shepard.

"I will be right back," throwing the hood over her head she went through the door.

"Stay," Liara pleaded, but Shepard said nothing as she disappeared into the night, with Liara worryingly standing at the door, not sure what to do anymore.


	14. Limbo

The rain seemed to calm down, but it was hard to tell, as the massive branches of old trees that surrounded the road from both sides covered the sky. To the hooded figure, the end of the trees looked like hands with long disfigured fingers waving at her as the wind blew through them. It was silent, save for the rustling of the leaves and the sound of her own footsteps echoing through the forest as they landed on the hard surface of the road. There were little to none traffic in this parts, for which she was grateful, any living being was not welcome in her presence. She looked behind her now and then just to make sure no one is following.  
For how long did she walked, she wasn't sure. It still felt like she was in a dream as her mind tried to deflect the ghosts rushing from the shadowy parts of her subconscious.

Even the moon hid behind the clouds, so it was still very dark, but she walked this route so many times before she could find her sanctuary blindfolded. As she reached the small dirt path on the right side she knew she was near. A few more minutes of walking and the smell of the lake hit her face, and with it, she could see the black outline of the shack. If she had the energy, she would run towards it, thirsty for the safety it offers.

Reaching the door, she realized that in all that hurry to escape the house she forgot to take the key of the shack. In frustration, she kicked the door just below the deadbolt, and it fell down with a thud. The door was old, and rotten in places; it's no wonder a slight kick with a leg is all that is needed to open it. She went inside and grabbed the door by the edges and pushed it back on the doorway. She didn't spend a lot of time to position it properly, it was enough it covered the entrance. She will repair it one day if she finds the will and time.

The light of her omni-tool illuminated the small space of the shack. Table on the left, with chairs opposite from each other, and on the right, on a wall was a small shelf and on it, a metal box. Everything was in its place. She relaxed a little, in back of her mind there was always a worry that someone would break in and took the box thinking something of value might be in it. In a way, it is valuable, in fact so much that no amount of credit would make her sell it. She knew it was stupid to worry about something like that, but she couldn't help herself. She took the box and opened it. In it, was a candle and a photo. As if she was performing some kind of ritual, she put the candle in the middle of the table, lighted it and the little fire gave light to the tight space inside. If someone saw her now, they would probably think she finally lost her mind.  
And maybe she did. Not like she cared.

Sitting down on the chair beside the table, she held the photo in her hand, looking at it from time to time. As she sat there, she watched as the shadows of the tiny flame danced across the wall. At times she imagined there were faces in the dark, some familiar some not so. It didn't matter. She was not afraid of the shadows. He was with her.

But the voice from her dream hunted her for the rest of the night. Not taunting, not accusing, just merely asking over and over again,  
_"_ _What makes you so special?"_

Shepard wished she knew the answer.

She wasn't sure if she fell asleep at one point, the morning came so fast. Emerging from the shack, she stretched and looked at the calm surface of the lake. The sunlight the water reflected blinded her; a consequence of spending the last few hours by the small candle. Birds sang and chirped their morning song above her, and somewhere in the distance, a woodpecker drummed against the tree. The smell of wet soil only evidence of last night's storm. Everything is coming back to its usual routine.  
Shepard wished she could stay here forever.

And now as she was standing out of her safe space, she looked at the photo in her hand, and the man occupying it. It was developed the old-fashioned way, wrinkles cracking the surface made it fade slowly as time passed. Just like memories, no matter how much you try to hold onto them, to keep them together, they disintegrate and are out of reach. Forever.

"I wish you were here," she said to the silent figure. He didn't answer. It was an ugly nightmare, one of the worst she ever had. But at least she got to hear his voice. A voice of a man she loves.  
_Used to love,_ she corrected herself. You can't love a dead man.

Folding the photo, she put it in her pocket and walked back to the main road.

* * *

The table was occupied by the shadows, still not conquered by the sunlight. A datapad and a cup of a long-forgotten tea only company to the alien sitting at the head of the table, starring on small drawing on the wall. The art undoubtedly belonging to either Mike or Addison. A little house and unfinished tree to the right of it. It made her smile when she first noticed it, but it was so much a weak attempt to brighten herself as she remembered Shepard was not there to tell her the story behind the drawing. And why she didn't paint it over. She blinked for a few times regaining her thoughts.

_Where are you, Shepard?_

Standing up, she walked towards the living room, leaving her datapad and the tea behind. She sat down in the armchair, the one Shepard herself occupied when they promised each other, no more secrets and no more apologizing. That they will be friends again. When Shepard said she trusted her. But to Liara, once a sign of hope, now they were empty words spoken by someone who doesn't even trust herself.  
Trust.  
That silly, small word that made everything about their relationship complicated. She would like to believe they trusted each other, even if Shepard's trust was coming sometimes and partly. There is not much to guess why Shepard is like that. Fate did not smile when she was born. It must have been torture; losing a family is a traumatic experience, even more so for a child, and few manage to recover. Yet Shepard did. And she was able to deal with whatever came her way on her feet, finding meaning in the role of a guardian, protecting the families so much like the one she lost. A symbol of hope and resistance, even in the darkest of times.  
Then, when the prospect of having a family, her own, shown, that was taken from her as well, leaving her as a single parent. Forced to stay still when everything inside her screamed to run away. Liara rested her head in her hand and closed her eyes. She grieved for Shepard that once was, and what she could have become but was not given a chance.

Doubt started to grow inside Liara's mind. Once, she believed she could help her by being her friend, listening to her, but it was not enough. Nothing she ever does will be enough to reach Shepard. She would cry if she could. She knew Shepard will return soon. And the conversation that will follow, will be a turning point in their relationship. Despite the growing doubt, she will not give up without a fight. Because this isn't about her anymore, about the feelings she may have, it's about a woman who needs to be pulled from the dark space she is so long confined to, before it swallows her whole.

* * *

"You can stop here," Shepard said, and the AI controlled cab stopped.

" _Thank you and have a nice day,_ " the robotic voice echoed, and closing the door it raced towards its next destination.

"I'm sure I will," Shepard said, to the cloud of dust the skycar left behind. She told the AI to stop about half a mile before her house. Time spent in the car didn't help Shepard's mind to settle down, so she will try to buy some time walking the rest of the way. Maybe the fresh air will help her grey cells to come up with a plan on how to approach Liara, and what to tell her. How to tell her.  
She knows she can't act if nothing happened, and part of her wished Liara would react as she did the other day, when she tried to explain what occurred in the museum. When Liara did not ask unnecessary questions. When she just let it go, as Shepard herself did. If only Liara packed and left, so she doesn't have to deal with her. She needs to be alone.

With each step she came closer to her house, dread filled her, and droplets of cold sweat started to form on her forehead. She can imagine what Liara's face would look like when she enters the house; full of pity. Feeling nauseous she stopped and took a deep breath.

Groaning she said, "This is a fucking joke."

She hated this. Being an addict on what Liara thinks of her. She never cared about opinions of others, but Liara always found a way to make her consider things about herself. Sometimes, a slight touch on her shoulder or a simple look she got across the room, was all that was needed. It would be far stretched to say that Liara controlled her; Shepard was a soldier first and beneath that a very stubborn woman, but from time to time, it made her took a step back and think about herself or the decision she made. Why did this asari have such an impact on her, she didn't know. But it was quickly going from slightly annoying to full-blown hatred towards her friend. She hates feeling this way. She hates how Liara makes her feel. She hates being weak. Even the word itself makes her sick.

She was pulled from her thoughts when she noticed a car, coming from opposite direction. It stopped just a few feet before the driveway of her house. Three males jumped out of a vehicle, leaving only the driver inside. A turian, batarian and a young human. Turian went to the back of the car to reach something from the trunk while the rest of them stood by the car talking. Shepard, not having a good feeling hurried towards them. She could swear they panicked as they noticed her, and batarian said something to the turian behind the car. The door on the driver's side slightly opened but the human shook his head at the driver so he softly closed the door. Three of them stood in front of the car, waiting for Shepard to arrive.

"Is there a problem guys?" Shepard asked, her voice not having a trace of warmth in it.  
They were silent for a moment, looking at each other. Something was very suspicious about them. They were nervous and Shepard did not miss a subtle movement of the turian who reached behind his back, but the batarian stopped him midway, grabbing him by his coat.

 _Will they attack me?_  
Shepard's training kicked in, preparing to counter whatever they plan to do.  
_The best course of action is to be aggressive. There is a small rock on my left. Can use it as a weapon if I hit the ground._  
_The biggest threat is the turian. Human is young and in all probability inexperienced. Batarian is slightly detached from them. He could flank me if I am not careful._  
_If I concentrate, I could knock the turian with my biotics. After that hit the human in the throat and then charge the batarian. It's risky using my biotics but it's my best bet. Especially if they have weapons on them-_

Shepard tensed as the human, who was in the middle, stepped out. He must be the leader of this group.  
_Good, come closer..._  
A rush of adrenalin went through her body, heart pumping the blood faster and faster as the anticipation grew, giving her energy.  
_Just one step more-_

"Hi," he greeted cheerfully and offered his hand, which confused Shepard. "We are a bit lost-"  
"Lost?" Shepard interrupted, crossing her arms.  
"Yep," he retreated his hand somewhat awkwardly. "This is our first time visiting Earth, and well, our whole autopilot system broke down, so we have no idea where we are."  
"You are 30 miles from the city. Just from where you came from."  
"Oh we must have miss-" the human started but stopped as Shepard took a step forward, invading his personal space, her jaw clenching.  
"I doubt that. And I don't care what is your business here, but if I see you again, I will kill you," Shepard said with her voice dangerously low.  
"Now go, before I call the cops," she finished and turned away, walking towards the house. She didn't need to look back to make sure they got the message. The sound of engine starting was confirmation enough.

The encounter did not help her ease the tension inside her. If anything she felt more agitated as the adrenaline was still rushing through her body. So she took a deep breath before she entered the house. If she looks rational and calm, maybe Liara won't ask too many questions.

_Fat chance for that. She's too damn curious for her own good._

As she closed the door, the first thing that greeted her was Liara's voice.  
"Shepard! Thank the Goddess!" Liara jumped from the armchair and almost ran towards Shepard who was taking her hoodie off, leaving her in her sweaty t-shirt.  
"Hey," Shepard simply answered and passed by, heading towards the stairs.  
"I was worried Shepard-" Liara started but Shepard cut her off.  
"I'm going to take a shower, and then we will talk, alright?"  
"Shepard-" Liara started, and Shepard could feel her eyes going all over her body. She was a mess after her little walk, mud all over her pants and she wouldn't be surprised if she had a leaf or two in her hair.  
Shepard sighed, "Liara please," she practically begged, and not looking back, she went upstairs.

* * *

Half an hour later, Shepard footsteps announced that she was coming. Liara noticed that she changed and that her hair is still damp and unbrushed, strands of it overlapping in every direction. If this was a better time, Liara would comment on how this ragged look was attractive on Shepard.

"I made some coffee," Liara said with some uncertainty, not sure if she did the right thing.

"Thanks," Shepard took one sip, and with her back still towards Liara, said, "It needs more sugar. But it's good. I will never understand how you don't like coffee, claiming it's too bitter for you, but when I tried that weird green tea of yours I almost-"  
"Shepard," Liara stopped her rambling, reminding her that she can't get herself out of this.  
Shepard sighed, "We need to talk don't we?"  
"I think it would be for the best, yes," Liara confirmed, and Shepard turned around but said nothing.  
Seeing how she won't start, Liara spoke, "Shepard, I'm worried about you."  
She took another sip of her coffee, "Why?"  
As Liara expected, this will be difficult.  
"You are my friend Shepard, so I will skip the introduction to why I care about you and go straight to the point."  
Shepard gave a slight nod, and Liara continued, "I am here for what five days? And in those five days, you had two incidents-"  
"Incidents?" Shepard spat the word out as if it was poison. "Nice word you picked up for describing it. Like I'm a madwoman without her meds." She slammed the cup down on the table. Spilled coffee made it's way towards the edge of the table, dripping in perfect rhythm, making a small black puddle on the floor. Liara was surprised how the cup didn't shatter into thousand tiny pieces.

"Then how would you call it?" Liara asked, gaining composure after Shepard's outburst.  
"Nothing," she simply answered.  
"Nothing?" Liara stood now, furious at her friend stubbornness. "Running out in the middle of the night is nothing for you? Shepard, you need help."  
"Because of one bad dream? Then every fucking soldier in this galaxy needs help."  
"You can rationalize this however you want. The fact stands, you are not well. Even Tali and Garrus-"  
"Oh great! It's really nice to hear that my friends are talking behind my back."  
Liara ignored her and continued, "They think that you are closing inside yourself. You are avoiding people Shepard! Your friends! You cut them off one by one; Joker, Kaidan, me, and now Garrus and Tali? What is your goal? To be alone? What are you so afraid of?"  
"I will make this clear," Shepard said sharply, "I am not afraid of anything. I don't need pity, or someone to talk to. But what I do need, is for all of you to leave me alone."  
"Fine. Then ignore all your problems and hide inside your shell like you always do when you are afraid," Shepards' lip twitched at this, her nerves on overload but Liara continued. "Goddess forbid you show that you are of flesh and blood like the rest of us!"  
"I'm not like the rest, thanks to you," Shepard said through gritted teeth. If looks could kill, Liara would be dead on the spot.

Liara let out a bitter laugh, "Wow. After all this time..." Her eyes started to burn.

There was a time when guilt Liara wore made it acceptable to let Shepard blame her. But that time has to come to an end. Because if Liara tolerates this kind of attitude any longer, both of them will be dragged down by the past. And so, Liara straighten her shoulders, and not breaking the eye contact, snapped back.

"I did what I had to do!" her voice low, barely containing the anger that was boiling beneath it. "You are alive because of me. You better remember that."  
Shepard stared at her for a moment like she couldn't believe what Liara just said. Finally, she let out a forced laugh, "The fucking nerve of you."  
"It's the truth!"  
"So what do you expect? Some kind of reward? That I should be grateful?" Shepard mockingly asked, "Should I fall to my knees and kiss your feet? Would that satisfy you?"  
Shepard studied Liara's face for a moment before she asked, "Would that rid you of your guilt?"  
Liara shook her head, but it was not enough to fool Shepard who smirked in return.  
"I expect you to grow up and stop blaming me for your problems!" Liara yelled at her.  
"This is some  _problem_  for you? A temper tantrum I'm throwing like a child? Do you have any  _fucking_  idea what I had to do? What I had to sacrifice? And in the end, it meant nothing!"  
"I was there, you were never alone-"  
"I WAS ALWAYS ALONE!" Shepard roared and slammed her fists on the table between them.  
Liara waited for the ringing in her ears to stop before she silently said, "You were not. Never. And if you really feel like that, you have only yourself to blame. You push people away, Shepard. That is what you do best."

Liara sat back down, exhausted. She can't fight anymore. She is so tired. Silence filled the space between them, as neither she nor Shepard spoke. Glancing up she saw Shepard leaned against the back of the chair and hung her head down, her chin almost touching her chest. Whatever battle they fought, both of them were on the losing side.  
Liara forced herself to get up and walk around the table, slowly lifting Shepard's chin with her index finger, forcing her to look at her.

"Why are you like this? Why don't you let me help you?" she asked, and cupping her cheek, she gently rubbed the small isolated scar on her cheekbone.  
"I'm fine, Liara. I don't need help."  
"How many times you need to tell yourself that before you started believing in it?"  
Shepard seemed lost for a split second before she closed her eyes. Was the question or the touch that froze Shepard, Liara was not sure, but she continued to stroke Shepard uneven skin, hoping it will bring her some peace. They stood like that, neither of them sure for how long, before Shepard took a step back, retreating from her. If Liara didn't know better, she would think Shepard is afraid of her.

"I need some time. I need to be alone. I... I want you to leave," she said almost mechanically, crossing her arms.  
Liara didn't know what to say to Shepard's wish. How can you respond to something like that, when your friend is in a dire need of help, but she wants to be left alone. What can Liara do? She can stay here against Shepard's wish. But then what? Force her to talk? The only thing that could come from it was more fights, more yelling and more accusations flying from both sides. No matter how hard it is to Liara, she will respect Shepard's wish if she truly wants that.

"You want me to leave?" Liara merely whispered, a hope behind the question that Shepard will change her mind.  
"I  _need_  you to leave. You being here... it is suffocating me." Shepard turned away as she said that. Liara tried to fight Shepard's hurtful words with reason and logic she is so proud of, but it made things only worse so silently, without a word she left Shepard alone and went to pack her things.

* * *

Shepard waited as Liara packed. She took her time, now already an hour as she went upstairs. Shepard wondered what took her so long, slightly annoyed because the longer Liara took the faster her emotions circled from regret to relieved from telling her to leave. And with each passing minute, she wasn't sure if she did the right thing. She could feel regret gaining a slight advantage over everything else. She could feel a headache coming, her head pressed from every side as if something was digging its fingers into her brain. Something awoken inside her, Shepard was not sure what, but that something is nibbling her insides, and Shepard wanted to scream for it to stop. Scream at Liara until she stays. But she can't do that. She needs some time alone, to get herself together again. She needs her life to go back to its usual, familiar pace. Before Liara came here, before they met on Illium. Next week Mike and Addison will return back home, and everything will be normal again. A rush of anger passed through Shepard and with it an urge to blame Liara for all of this. Liara stirred some ghosts coming here, resulting in that nightmare. But her anger quickly disappeared. She can't be angry at Liara. It's not her fault.

Liara only wants to help, but Shepard' is not used sharing her thoughts, there is no point in that. Her mind was so clogged, every word she tries to say hits a mental wall. She learned the hard way, the closer you are to someone, the faster they ran away, or in Shepard's case, leave you forever. She will spare Liara from that. Liara deserves better.

The soft footsteps thumped down the stairs, and Shepard let out a breath she didn't know she was holding inside her. She stared at her feet, shame overwhelming her. She wants to look at Liara, to see her face, her eyes, but she was too weak. She prayed to whatever gods existed that she looked indifferent to the whole ordeal and that Liara would just leave. Unlucky for her, Liara put her suitcase down and stopped just in front of her.

"I just want you to know Shepard, that I am not angry. I can't say I understand what is happening inside you, I think no one has the right to even presume that. But I do understand that you need to be alone for some time. And I respect that," she paused for a second before continuing. "Don't hesitate to call me, whenever you want, for whatever reason."

Liara was disappointed when Shepard didn't even look at her or give any sign she heard her. It is best for her to leave, and hopefully, with time, Shepard will be able to talk. Staying here, forcing Shepard to something she is not ready for, will not do any good. It was hard to admit, but they need a break from each other. Liara picked up her suitcase and walked towards the door. Just when she wanted to step outside, Shepard's voice stopped her.

"Liara, wait."

Liara looked at Shepard who was now in the living room getting something from the small cabinet. Curious, Liara started to walk back, and meeting Shepard halfway, she recognized what Shepard was holding. It was a neatly folded N7 hoodie. Liara didn't know what to say or to think anymore. One moment they fight, another Shepard does things like this. What is going inside this woman's head?  
"It's new. I never wore it," Shepard said handing it over to Liara. "I think its a size too big for you but at least you can wrap it around yourself. You know? Like a blanket. It's more comfortable that way anyway."  
And for the first time today, Shepard gave her a smile. It was a small one, not quite reaching her eyes but for Liara, it was a sign that Shepard is trying.  
Liara traced the rough surface of the N7 emblem with her finger. Shepard cleared her throat, the silence coming from Liara making her anxious.  
"It's alright if you don't want it. I thought you may like it because you said-"  
"You know that I care about you, Shepard? You know that right?"

Liara lifted her head to look at Shepard, to gaze into her eyes and to try to see if her confession, which held so much weight underneath it, changed anything. But Shepard's head was turned away from Liara, her lips parted slightly as if she was trying to say something but not finding the right words. Liara didn't wait for her to answer because she might as well wait forever then. So she stepped closer, as much as the piece of clothing between them allowed, and with her heart beating so hard she thought it might explode, put a soft kiss on Shepard's scarred cheek. She didn't register Shepard's reaction as she was too focused on her own. Slightly trembling, her lips lingered there for a moment longer than acceptable between even the best of friends, frozen to Shepard's skin. How little it would take, to let them slide down, to reach the corner of Shepard's lips. To finally find out, how would they feel against her own.

But she won't do that. Because she was aware that emotionally, there is a huge gap between them, a difference on so many levels, that even if the kiss was returned, it would be nothing more than a reflex, a physical reaction. And Liara didn't want that. She didn' want Shepard's body, it was never about just that. She wants the whole her. The beautiful, the ugly, everything Shepard has to offer. She wants Shepard. And in that moment, she realized that this wasn't some childish crush, she often reproaches herself with. It was true, pure love.

Finally distancing herself, she studied Shepard's face, for any clue of how she feels. But her face was unreadable as if she herself can't decide how to react.  
"I'm sorry it didn't work out Liara," Shepard whispered.  
"It will," she reassured her, and taking the hoodie from Shepard's hands, she said, "Goodbye Shepard."  
She gave her a final glance, before stepping outside and closing the door behind her leaving Shepard in hauntingly empty house.

* * *

Later when the sun set down, Shepard was sitting at the table holding a white flower in her hands. A memory passed through her mind when she surprised Liara the other day.

 _"You did buy them after all," Liara said, holding the bouquet close to her, smelling the fresh flowers._  
_"Just to surprise you. I thought you might like them," Shepard smiled, satisfied with Liara's reaction. She was worried she might look weird if she said they were for her, but Liara seemed happy. Looks like the old man was right after all._  
_"I do. They are beautiful, Shepard."_  
_"Yeah. The best the Earth has to offer," Shepard said, as she ran her fingers through the soft petals of one of the flowers._  
_"Not the best," Liara corrected her, and Shepard made a mental note to find out what kind of flowers she liked better._  
_"You can take them to your room if you want," Shepard suggested but Liara tilted her head examining the bouquet._  
_"No. They should be here, so both of us can enjoy them."_

Shepard put the flower back into the vase. The other flowers started to wilt, but this one was still holding on. Shepard's fingers, like they have a will of their own, reached the part where Liara's lips, so tenderly, brushed against her skin. And she realized that it wasn't Liara who was suffocating her. It was this dark loneliness which was wrapped around her soul.

Little did Shepard knew, it was the same type of darkness that followed Liara as she watched Earth becoming smaller and smaller until it was just another bright dot among many others. Only she tried to fight it with a black piece of clothing, she held so tightly against her chest.

* * *

A/N:  
I know this isn't the ending some of you hoped for. But it is the one which for me made more sense.  
Originally, this part of the story would be a chapter or two longer with a different ending. But the more I thought about it, the more it seemed forced, so I decided to stop the story here. Which is for the best, as the sequel will have a different pacing and theme. That being said, the sequel is already in the works, but I will not post it until it's nearly finished. That way, you will get regular updates and for me, it will be easier to edit and fix any plot holes. Also, if you have any questions about the story, feel free to ask.

Thank you for reading and for your support. I know my English is not the best but despite that and the angsty ending, I hope this little story brought you some enjoyment.  


**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any grammatical errors, English is not my native language.  
> Thank you for reading this story, hope you enjoy!


End file.
